Now You See Him, Now You Don't

Did I miss anything?

No, he's doing the same old thing.

Lufkin, why is it that every time that we have a budget meeting,

you stir up trouble?

I'm not trying to stir up trouble.

I'm just trying to get what I need so we can have a decent lab.

Well, I think you have got what you need.

Need I remind you that it was just last year

that we bought 10 new Bunsen burners for that lab?

No, I mean, Lufkin,

we've got to draw the line somewhere. This can't go on forever.

But our students have to experiment, be creative.

Now, that's what science is all about today.

Oh, creative, my foot.

You're talking about this bunch out there being creative?

That's impossible.

Now, you're being unfair, Dean Higgins.

Suppose people had taken that attitude about Thomas Edison?

We're not talking about people like Thomas Edison.

We're talking about people like Dexter Riley.

And you can believe me, Dexter Riley is no Thomas Edison.

Well, nobody ever said he was!

Well, of course nobody ever said he was.

That would be a ridiculous thing to say...

No, Lufkin, I think you better just forget

about your course in creative lab.

Just stick with the old conventional systems

where you burn the sulfur, make clouds,

smell up the place, like you do.

Now, really, really, Dean Higgins.

That was good enough for the '40s, but today, science...

Why is it that every time we have a meeting, they're out there,

listening to something?

They're probably just having a little gathering.

Well, I don't like little gatherings.

They make me nervous. I don't even like... Yes, Winifred?

Who? Oh, oh, yes.

I'll talk to him, Winifred.

Well, that'll be all today, gentlemen.

That was even duller than usual.

Yup. But you gotta listen. You never know what might come up.

Yes, Helwig, did you find out anything?

Yes, I've been watching them. They've been bugging your office.

They've been bugging my office?

What? Are you sure?

What'd he say?

We'll find out! Shh! Wait a minute. Shh!

I should've known. I wonder where they hid that thing.

He's on to us.

What are we gonna do?

Come on. We gotta do something in a hurry.

Let's get moving.

Ah, behind the books, that's where they'd hide it.

Establishment. They're worried about the establishment.

Hello? I'll show them what the establishment really is.

Oh, soon as I find the evidence, I'll expel them all.

Tuition or no tuition, I'll get a federal grant.

I don't need them.

Oh, nothing under here.

No. Down.

No! My homework!

Anything wrong, Dean Higgins?

Huh? No, nothing's wrong.

You need an electrician or anything?

No, I don't need an electrician.

Well, you don't have to snap my head off.

Well, if I'd wanted an electrician,

I'd have called one in the first place, wouldn't I?

Don't they ever clean this thing?

I don't know what I pay that janitor for anyway.

Excuse me, could you show me my attendance file in history?

Mr. Baines says I missed half my classes and I just don't believe it.

I don't think I missed any.

And the name?

Schuyler. Richard Schuyler.

Says here you've been absent every Thursday.

What do you mean, it's on Thursdays, too?

I only thought it was on Tuesdays.

No wonder all those epics seemed to roll along so fast.

I think I got the answer. If I flunk it this semester,

I'll just go on Thursdays next semester

and pick up all that stuff I missed.

Gee, thanks, Mrs. Kesley, you'll never know how much you helped me!

Dean Higgins, do you mind if I change your flowers?

No, I don't mind if you change my flowers.

I've got more important things than that on my mind.

Wait!

I knew it. It's those flowers.

All right, Dexter Riley, I know you're in there.

Imagine it, sir. I mean, if one of our own students

could actually win the Forsythe Award.

Yeah, with this bunch, that's impossible.

Good morning, Dean Higgins. Good morning.

But, Dean, it is $50,000 this year.

Oh, really? $50,000?

Morning, Dean Higgins.

Yes, well, young Druffle here seems to have come up

with something that's very promising.

Druffle? He's one of our honor students.

What's he doing here with a crowd like this?

Good morning, Dean Higgins.

Oh, there's another beaut, that Schuyler. (MUTTERING)

Right this way, sir.

Well, Druffle,

I thought we might give Dean Higgins here

a progress report on your experiment.

Oh, certainly, certainly. Good morning, Dean Higgins.

Morning, Druffle.

Well, actually, my work with bumble bees

is based on a very simple theory.

You see, when you consider the mass of the body of the bee,

the drag quotient far out measures

the foil efficiency and the lift field.

Ergo, it's fairly safe to say...

Thank you, Druffle. Thank you.

Morning, Dean.

Howdy ho, Dean.

Tell them not to touch me.

Please, please.

I know what Tinkertoys are when I see them,

but what is this monstrosity?

Hi, Dean. What is this?

Well, it's kind of an invention of my own.

Oh, I can imagine.

You know, for a long time now,

people have been trying to figure out the problem of invisibility.

I didn't know that was a problem.

Well, yes, sir. Things have changed,

and a lot of things have happened since Einstein split the atom.

I'm sure. This looks like one of them.

Oh, I know it looks a little bit complicated, excuse me,

but actually it's very simple once you understand it.

I'm not sure that I care to understand it.

First of all, you have to read Bersokoff's book on quantum mechanics.

I do, huh? And who was Bersokoff?

You don't know him?

That's funny. He was a very famous

18th century Russian scientist.

Yeah, well, he was the man who developed the theory that

if we could prevent reflection by...

Well, let me show you, Dean. If we could prevent reflection by

bending light waves around objects with a non-reflectable liquid,

we could make those objects invisible.

That was his theory? Making objects invisible?

Yes, sir. Well, that's idiotic!

Oh, no, sir, it's a very sound theory.

Well, if it's so sound, how come he could never make it work?

Who?

Who? The Russian! Whoever...

Oh, you mean Bersokoff. Well, unfortunately, his career was cut short.

Oh, I didn't know that. His career... What happened?

What happened to him?

Well, they threw him into an insane asylum.

They threw him into an insane asylum?

And you're working on his theory?

Yeah.

Don't you exercise any control whatsoever around here?

You come to me and you ask me for money to buy expensive equipment,

so that a nitwit kid can work on a theory that some Russian proposed

over 200 years ago? Now, wait a minute, sir!

Now just wait a minute! What?

We may not agree with the Russians politically,

we may not even like them,

but as scientists, don't you think we ought to raise ourselves

above these petty prejudices?

Scientists? I'm talking about a nut

who they had to lock up over 200 years ago!

Oh, no! Dean... Dean, I'm sorry!

Dean, I'm sorry. I don't how it happened. Dexter!

These lunatics are trying to kill me!

And another thing, Lufkin,

I've had enough.

But what about the future of experiment?

You don't understand.

I must be going crazy, but the guy in that car looked like A.J. Arno.

It couldn't be him. He's in jail.

All right, move, move away from the car there. Come on. Come on, move.

What's the matter with you, Cookie? Leave them alone.

They're not doing any harm. It's all right, boys.

Don't pay any attention to him.

Hi, kids. Nice to see you.

Hi, Mr. Arno. Hi.

What's the matter? You seem surprised to see me.

We thought you were in jail.

Oh, that. That was a mistake.

You know, the police, judges, they all make mistakes.

But I forgive them. I don't hold any grudges against anyone.

Dean Higgins, nice to see you again.

Mr. Arno. Always a pleasure to see you.

Well, thank you. Thank you.

Hey, what's going on around here?

Arno took over the mortgage on the college.

And he told Dean Higgins that if he can't make the payment in June,

to make it whenever he could.

Huh. Sure doesn't sound like Arno.

That's why Dean Higgins is walking around on airs.

It's the first time in his life he hasn't had to worry about money.

Yeah, but I just don't understand it. That guy is a crook.

Crook or no crook, he's interested in higher education.

He's already dreamed up some improvements for the school.