King of the Hill

You know why I like Shelwyn's?

Because I can always find something I like.

Like those work shoes.

A fellow could get a lot of work done in shoes like that.

Do you think those earrings would look nice on me, Hank?

You got to think practical, Peggy.

Earrings don't keep you warm.

I can't get these to work.

Come on, son. It's not like there's a science

to doing up your pants.

Try to work with these, honey, they're on sale.

Excuse me.

Can you show us how to operate these pants?

- We're having some trouble. -(Bobby grunting continues)

Uh... Well, can I talk to you privately for a moment?

I'm wondering if maybe...

Oh, gee, how do I put this? Um, well...

maybe it's not quite the right time

in your son's life for Shelwyn's.

What are you talking about?

Well, I-I just wonder if he might feel a bit more at home

at a store like H. Dumpty's.

What's H. Dumpty's?

H. Dumpty's Is a store with special sizes for special kids.

Are you talking about a fat kids' store?

Oh, well, that word won't win you any friends

at H. Dumpty's.

Do you really think Bobby is...

special in that way?

Ma'am...

for his height, your son is a very special child.

Well, let's go tell Bobby he's fat.

No, Hank!

This is a very sensitive situation for a little boy.

We have to break it to him gently.

Where are we going?

Well, we are going to a place called H. Dumpty's, Bobby.

What's that? A restaurant.

It's a clothing store.

Uh, a different kind of clothing store.

How is it different?

Well, every snowflake is different

- in its own beautiful, God-given way. -(squeaking)

Right, Hank?

Uh... Sure.

Some are a whole lot bigger than others.

But that does not make them any less beautiful.

Are you taking me to the vet?

Now this is my kind of store.

-(chuckles) - Mm-hmm.

So many overalls.

Fun colors, too. Just super.

You'd never guess they could stretch as they do

and still keep their shape.

Must be using some sort of advanced polymer.

- What do you think about that, boy? -(squeaking)

Why do they have to expand so much?

Oh, I don't know.

For sports and skateboarding and things like that.

A juvenile is always stretching his clothes, you see.

But these kids don't look like they like sports.

Oh, sure, they do.

They're wearing sneakers and baseball caps, aren't they?

This is a fat kids' store.

Oh, Bobby!

We love you so much.

Oh, lord.

I don't want to be here.

Now, son, come on, it's no big deal.

We're just shopping for clothes.

You've got nothing to feel bad about.

In fact, you should be proud.

You should be proud of who you are.

Yes, proud because you are different

and being different is the best thing in the whole wide world.

Is that true, Dad?

Uh... Uh...

It sure is, son.

It sure is.

What do you think?

I think I have never seen such a handsome young man

in all of my life.

These shorts fit.

There's no lines.

Hey, I'm dressed like a football coach.

You call that a block?

Look at me. I'm a minister.

That's terrific, son.

Uh, excuse me.

I'm Hal Dumpty, the owner here at H. Dumpty's.

I couldn't help noticing your son.

I'm sorry for the disruption. I'll give him a talking to.

No, no, no. I love his enthusiasm.

- You do? - Mm-hmm.

I want you to know, son,

you look great in my clothes.

We're about to put an ad in the Arlen bystander.

I'd like him to model for us.

You want my son to be a fashion model?

Sure. Why not?

Yeah, Dad. Why not?

Uh... Because, uh...

because we're very, very busy.

That's why.

We've got a lot to do today.

Well, the photo shoot's not until tomorrow.

We have even less time then, thank you.

What are we doing tomorrow, Hank?

Something very special.

I didn't have time to tell you about it.

That's how little time we have.

This is a fat kids' store.

Oh, lord.

Hey, Luanne, don't I look handsome?

Hmm. Something looks different about you.

Did I cut your hair?

I got new clothes.

Watch this.

-(rustling) - No rips.

We found a better store for me.

All this time, I thought I was an extra-extra large

but that's why my clothes never fit right.

Turns out I'm a medium.

Guess what else?

They even wanted to take my picture to be in an ad

on account of how handsome I look.

You mean they want you to model?

Bobby, this is a dream come true!

It is?

Oh, yeah.

Bobby, models are some of the happiest people on earth.

I like being happy.

Do you have someone to do your hair?

I don't even have a ride.

Well, I can drive you.

I'll be your driver, slash stylist.

I'm working towards getting my license in both.

Hey, this isn't a restaurant review.

It's a paid advertisement.

Dad, a man took pictures of me! - What?

I was a model for the H. Dumpty's ad.

What?! I thought we agreed I was too busy for you to model.

Luanne took me.

Oh, yeah, that's my favorite, too.

That's the one that's going to be in tomorrow's paper tomorrow.

-(Hank screaming) -(scary music)

If you run that ad in your paper,

my son could never go back to school.

You've seen his picture.

You can tell he's not very good with his fists.

Oh. Uh...

Morning, Bill.

Did you come over

to have breakfast with me 'cause you thought I was lonely?

Uh... Sure.

Alright.

I'll start grating the potatoes.

You know, uh, I don't know

if you really want to make too big of a deal out of this, Bobby.

Why not?

I got my picture taken, I made $40,

and they let me keep the underwear.

I'm still wearing it, Dad.

Uh-huh. Okey dokey.

Well, thank you very much for calling.

We... we certainly will.

Okay, bye-bye.

Well...

That was the second-biggest talent agent in all of Arlen.

He says he saw the ad,

and he wants to meet us.

He says he can get Bobby lots of work.

Wow! Where do I sign?

Uh... Peggy.

Why are you encouraging Bobby?

I'm trying to contain an outbreak here,

and you're driving the monkey to the airport.

What is the harm in letting Bobby

do something that makes him feel good about himself?

What's the harm?

Peggy, kids always victimize the one who's different.

Believe me, I know.

Hey, fatty, you are fat!

Well, times have changed, thank goodness.

In today's world, we celebrate our differences.

Don't you watch TV?

You know very well I watch TV.

Well, maybe you should watch a little more closely.

The daytime talk shows are just full of people

who are standing up and saying,

"I am different! I am proud of it!

- Get used to it! Whoo!" -(thumps)

I'm not saying Bobby shouldn't be proud.

I'm just saying he should keep it to himself,

and if that means one day he ends up on Oprah

with nothing to say, well, then, so be it.