Cuffs

- You're quite sure this isn't a complete waste of time? - No, sir.

No, you're not sure, or no, it isn't a complete waste of time?

- Er... - Just turn it on, will you?!

Go!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm sorry I couldn't be with you this morning,

but I want to talk to you about something which is important to me

and, I hope, important to you too. -- Risk and responsibility.

Control, this is Kilo Two Two Zero.

Request assistance on Roedale allotments.

In this job we must always be prepared to take risks.

Suspect is armed with a samurai sword.

I repeat, armed with a sword...

To go to places that others would fear to go, to put ourselves

- in situations that others would fear to put themselves in... - Jake.

Jake...

Jake!

We are the face that people look to for reassurance...

Support your fellow officers.

Support each other in supporting the community.

I am arresting you on suspicion of assault,

possession of an offensive weapon, criminal damage

and extreme gardening without a licence.

Risk and responsibility...

How's that for risk and responsibility?

Let these not just be buzz words, let them be your mantra.

Thank God for that.

The hat on the table was the best bit.

I liked the medals.

What have I got to do to get all those medals like that?

Probably got to win a war or something... Sorry.

Sorry, mate.

I wish he'd have warned me he was going to do that.

Don't take it personally.

It's all right. He was uniform, though, you know.

Did his time. Now he's driving a Merc.

The rest of these will be stuck in Panda cars till they retire.

- We don't drive Panda cars any more. - It was a figure of speech.

Any patrol, please, for an immediate graded call to Roedale

allotments, man seen with a sword...

Control, this is Kilo Two Two Zero.

Show us state five to that call, over.

You wanna take the Rolls or are you all right in the usual car?

Getting busy already.

Ooh, it's going to be an enjoyable evening tonight.

They might all behave themselves.

Oh, yeah, you're right. Probably finish early.

- In bed by ten. - Nice cup of cocoa and a book.

- Lovely. - Lovely!

Hey!

Here we go. Kilo Two Three Zero, show us State six, over.

- Are you the one who called us, madam? - Yes. They've taken my van!

SHE SPEAKS HER OWN LANGUAGE

Can you give us a description of your vehicle

and the men who took it?

Look! It's bloody there!

Think there's a way of doing this without looking ridiculous?

Er...

I'll try and cut them off.

Ah!

Cut the engine...

Lads...

Cut the engine...

Get out of the vehicle. Cut the engine.

- You two -- out! - We was going to give it back.

Was you? Well, we'll never know now, will we?

Come on, you as well.

Come on, mate.

What are you waiting for? Let's go.

Can't you do something a little bit more interesting

with your study leave?

You haven't got any drugs on you or anything like that, have you?

This your idea of fun, is it?

You OK? You look like you sprained your arse back there.

Oh, she's a physiotherapist as well, now, is she?

Another string to your bow!

Just checking. Let me know if you want it kissed better.

Hey... Workplace harassment. Shame on you!

TV IS ON

LOUD BANGS AND GLASS BREAKS

Get down! Shut up!

What do you want?

Shut up!

Wrong house.

- Sure? - Yeah.

Oh, mate. Leave the paper cut alone, will you?

What do you mean?

I took on a guy with a samurai sword. I'm basically a warrior.

- Warrior? - PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Jake, it's Dad. Just a quick one.

I am just trying to find out when you are working till tonight.

I'm on call so I'm wondering if you could check in on Mum.

Yeah, I'm on lates but I can go in and check on her when I get back.

OK. Thanks, I appreciate that.

I heard you had a bit of a run-in earlier?

It was nothing. Just a guy with a really big sword.

We dealt with him.

Well, I hope you're not in too many pieces right now.

You know, the trick when someone has a weapon like that

is to use it to your advantage -- wait for them to swing,

and when they're off balance and vulnerable, you knock them down.

- Use their own body weight against them. - OK, nice one.

Um... how did my video briefing go down this morning?

Video briefing...

Yeah, it was good.

It was terrible then, yeah?

Morale is at an all-time high, Dad. You really rallied the troops.

Yeah, right... I'm hanging up now.

Good luck tonight.

- Afternoon. - Afternoon.

What's that smell?

Cadaverous, isn't it?

The neighbours said the smell's been there all week.

They thought it was a drain somewhere

- but it's been getting worse. - Who owns it?

The Mason family own it, but they're away at the moment.

They've got a gite in the Dordogne.

They've got a house in France.

Oh, second shed we've had to break into today.

This "shed" is worth £13,000.

It's going to be a lot less in a minute.

Step back, please.

Are you going to kick it in?

Actually, why don't you take this one, warrior?

Yeah, all right.

FLIES BUZZ

HE RETCHES

Belt's still round the arm.

Control, this is Kilo Two Two Zero.

We have a drugs death at the beach hut.

Request CID to come down and confirm, over.

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

Can you think of anyone who would want to scare you?

- Anyone who would want to send a message? - No...

We haven't any enemies. We're just normal.

Hello. South Sussex Properties. How can I help?

Yes, I'm just calling to enquire about the house

on Leckford Road, Patcham?

- Of course. Just a moment. - Thank you.

I'm afraid we don't have any properties on that road at present.

Don't worry. My mistake.

There was fertiliser, lamps...

consistent with a cannabis farm.

Rival gang tried to turn it over,

- ended up in the neighbour's by mistake. - That's unfortunate.

Perhaps not. If I can just get a RIPA, I can do a raid.

On the right house, I assume.

Yes, sir.

You're 100% it's a farm?

Fly-by with a helicopter and a heat sensor could confirm it.

I can get you a walk-by with a drugs dog.

That'll do. Thank you, sir.

- Dawn raid it is, then? - Yes.

Enjoy your lie-in. I'm off.

- DC Hawkins. - Hi... Carl.

- Fiona Glendon. - Licensing committee.

Nice to meet you... So shall we, er...

Shall we head in?

Erm, we don't actually go into the stadium.

How do we watch the dogs, then?

RACE COMMENTARY

Budget cuts. Sorry.

Stadium has got a bar.

I'll remember that I owe you a drink.

Er, here's our suspect. Remember Betty.

Technically, the dog is not the suspect.

- Of course. - Not unless she's got prior convictions.

Er, no. But she has come last in her previous four races.

So if she wins this one...

I'd start arresting people.

Assuming I can leg it back to the stadium before they all leave.

I'm sure it won't be much of a problem. You seem pretty fit to me.

Do you remember the first time you threw up on the job?

I'll let you know when it happens.

- Evening, Sarge. - Evening.

Well. She's definitely dead. You were right to call.

- We do what we can. - Any ID on her?

All right... we'll have to see if CSI can get a DNA match.

I'll need the syringe and the crime scene photos as well.

And I will try and get hold of any next of kin on Monday.

Oh, hello... Who threw up?

It was one of the rubberneckers.

That'll teach them.

Do you know there's waiting lists to get in one of these, you know?

What a way to go, eh?

- Anyway, that's me done. - Have a good weekend, Sarge. - You too.

'And as they approach the final bend...'

Bloody hell! What did she do, swallow a rocket?

In a manner of speaking.

Whisky November Two One Seven. Hope you had a bet on that.

I'm heading to pick up the owner.

Have uniform meet me en route, over.

Right, I, er... See you in a mo.

- Good girl... Good girl. - Jason Lyle?

- Yeah. - Hiya, mate. I just wanted to come and congratulate you

and furry Lance Armstrong here.

PC Carl Hawkins.

Oh, come on... Lads!

Cover the gate. Cover the gate.