Better Things

It's just a meeting to give you information.

You're not committing to anything.

All you're doing is you're here to procure information.

- I'm down. - I don't even know what I'm doing here.

- What if Richard finds out? - Good.

Because I am not planning on getting divorced.

All you're doing is writing her a check. That's all.

And then if you change your mind and it all goes to caca,

Richard won't be able to summon the motherfuckin' Night King

in there.

Don't worry.

You can go in now.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Sam.

Lenny, Lala,

this is the guy I used to be married to's attorney...

- What? - Eva Braun.

I thought you were taking us to your attorney.

Damn.

Shit.

Now I know you really love me.

- I'm Dee. - Lenny.

- Nice to meet you. - Hi.

- Hi. - This is Dee Willis.

She napalmed my life,

- and she's the best. - Thank you.

So you should both hire her to misery-fuck the souls

of your shitty meat-sack husbands.

You'd be surprised how often I get referrals this way.

- Ladies, come on, sit. - Come on, just...

we're just talking.

So, who wants to go first?

- I'll happily go first, just to break... - Oh, okay.

- ...break the ice. - Mm-hmm.

- So, I'm Lala. - Mm-hmm.

And I want a divorce.

Who has sex less than a married lady?

- Who? - Nobody!

There was just never anything

really that wrong with him, you know?

- Like a lukewarm bath. - Hard, hard,

hard disagree, bro.

I mean, sure, there's nothing right with him, either.

There you go!

It was comfortable, okay?

So kill me.

But just saying everything out loud today,

I feel so excited.

- Yes! - Oh, my God.

Bring on the cold showers.

- Yep. - Mm. Mm.

So, Richard called me last night.

Mm.

We spent, like, an hour just talking about things.

I actually think,

in the long term,

this might be a good thing for us.

A little space.

You think I'm crazy?

Oh, no, no, no, no. No.

We don't think you're crazy, honey.

It's just hard to watch you keep doing this to yourself.

Do what? Care about my marriage?

I mean, since when is there an exact right way to do that?

He's a good dad and he loves me,

and I still love him.

Like I got so many options.

Spitting on 50.

Was I supposed to start dating again?

In L.A.?

Mm.

It's Logan's Run here.

Yeah. And we're the dead people.

Eat pork. Nom, nom, nom.

My sisters are so perfect, I literally want to kill myself.

I want to get my nose done like this.

Sam will never let you.

Bullshit. Girl, she got the hump on her nose shaved down.

- She told me. - Sick.

I want to get my lips done.

Cutie.

You can literally do anything.

Kim Kardashian had a varicose vein on her toe

and got it removed because she said it was so ugly.

Also I'm fat.

If you're fat, then what the fuck am I?

What?

Why would you say that?

N-No, no, I mean me.

You're perfect.

Take it back.

I-I take it back.

I'm not fat.

But... you are perfect.

Shut up.

I know.

I don't want you to move.

Don't.

Maybe it won't happen.

Also...

life is long.

Let's get a selfie.

Wait. Get this for my side account.

Okay. Stand right there.

Yes!

Look what I'm gonna do for you.

Okay.

Whose house is this

gonna be?

Whose house?

Whose house? Jesus.

Wait, how do you...?

"Feisty Ferret Home."

Okay.

"One piece is...

rail F."

But they don't tell you what it is.

Oh. "Top panel."

8B...

Not rail 8, rail F.

But what do you... how do you put 'em?

You don't know, because you don't count, people.

They're all the same part.

Hey, buddy.

Hi!

I know.

But can you come over a little earlier?

Like, an hour...

or two?

I think, uh, you assumed it was the dog or something.

And I was actually...

the one who left that thing on your rug.

Bro...

I know.

This is amends?

Damn.

I don't think I want to hear any more.

Listen,

I saved that for last, okay?

That's it. I think.

At least... that's everything

that I can...

- remember. - Okay.

So...

Oh.

Oh. I go now?

I see.

Okay. Well, then...

I don't...

I didn't know...

uh, what the protocol is,

because I don't attend the meetings, so...

What is required of me, is it... curtsy?

I absolve you of all your shittynesseses.

Poof.

All gone.

It's o...

Okay.

Okay.

You did okay.

Good. All right. Okay.

That's all done. Well,

thank you for helping me do boy things

and hand things.

- Yeah. - Okay.

So, Sunny goes next?

Yeah.

She just texted, and...

she's waiting in the car.

So, is her...

- Is her stuff in that book, too? - That's right.

- Pretty much the whole thing. - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

What can I get you?

I have LaCroix and O'Doul's.

Good, yeah.

Both.

Copy. Copy you.

Okay, you did...

That was...

weird and interesting.

The floor thing, though.

Dad?

What's up, buddy?

Dad?

Spider.

What are you doing?

I found a bottle.

That's cool.

Are you coming to Pine People with us?

Oh. I wish, buddy.

But, look, you're gonna have fun with Auntie Sam tonight, right?

I guess.

I got you tomorrow.

- I know! - Okay.

- All right. - Hey.

- Hi. - Hey, buddy.

You want to go upstairs and get Duke and Pepper?

- Yeah. - Grab 'em, and we'll-we'll go.

- Hello. Hello. - Hi.