House of Lies

It's touchdown time. Come on!

- Previously on "House of Lies"... - Does Tess really want

a D&D tutorial

or does she want a lover?

I can totally get you a TED Talk.

-Aah!

Looks like I'm gonna have to press flesh with the fans.

- Excuse me. So... - 'Cause you know

what billion-dollar clients mean? Big, fat fucking zeroes

at the end of that fat-ass check

that Skip Galweather's gonna cut to acquire K and A.

that Skip Galweather's gonna cut to acquire K and A.

Assuming your ex-wife

- doesn't win the offer first. - Correct.

We're gonna blow her right out of the water.

Jeannie, this... Oh, Seth Buckley, running for mayor.

Seems like you really don't

want me to go out with him.

What would make you...

Good, 'cause I'm gonna fuck his brains out.

A boy band.

A fucking boy band, Ron?

They're not just any fucking boy band, okay?

They are D'ream Out Loud.

D'ream Out Loud is the biggest band since One Direction.

Ooh!

Love them.

Love them.

Celestial Music Group is having a hard time

getting the band to re-sign.

And when I pitched us as closers, they were very excited.

CMG knows all about the cruise deal

and your spike with suboptimal engagements.

So word of our Dushkin whispering has spread,

and now they want us to re-sign these dickheads and then what?

We get to babysit

the Backstreet fuckin' Boys?

You whisper them into re-signing,

CMG is all over our

collective dick, and are they ripe for reorg.

Yeah. Top down, extreme makeover.

Yeah, endless afterwork. I get it. But I don't know.

Yeah, endless afterwork. I get it. But I don't know.

A fucking boy band?

Monica's racking up all these media properties,

and K and A is media light, okay?

She's one step ahead of us, Marty.

She's poised to win the big "enchi-layda"!

Oh...

There's an apostrophe between the "D" and the "ream"?

So it's "Dah-ream Out Loud"?

You don't hear the apostrophe, man.

You just say "dream."

-Say "dream." Dream. -Dream.

No, no, no, you see, the... One more time-- dream.

Dream. See, I'm... I can still hear the apostrophe.

Are you fucking with me, Ron?

Yes, I am.

-Please leave my office. -I'm leaving.

-Please leave my office. -I'm leaving.

Yeah. Right out the do'or.

All right.

Mrs. Buckley, so nice to meet you.

-Oh, I'm not... -Hey, listen, you are...

you are doing great. Uh, you want any pancakes? You hungry?

Uh, actually, I have to get to work.

Oh, okay, all right, well, have a good day, all right?

Um, I'll see you tonight for the Silicon Beach fund-raiser?

-Fantastic. -Yeah? Okay.

Oh, oh, very good.

Oh, oh, very good.

Oh, wow. Come on.

Oh, my God, what?

-What are we laughing at? -I'm... I...

some of my new TED Talk fans.

I'm sorry, fa... You said "fans"?

-That's right, fans. But, yeah. -Oh, shit, I didn't know.

Tell me, tell me. I want to know everything.

They're tweeting me the funniest things. Cool.

Well, more sweet than funny, I guess. Oh.

Like, uh, "You changed my life,"

there, "You're an inspiration."

-Oh, yeah. -God, it's overwhelming,

but in a good way, you know?

No, I don't. Quick question:

How many Twitter followers did you have before the TED Talk?

-Wow, that takes me back. -Sure.

Uh... 125.

Uh... 125.

-And you have... 136 now. -Yeah.

-11 new fans. -Yeah, that's right.

Have you considered extra security?

It's not about quantity, Clyde, it's about quality.

-So sorry. I'm so sorry. -Eight are women.

And, uh, some even show

quite a bit of cleav in the old Twitter avatar.

Oh!

But you don't care about that-- you got a girlfriend, right?

No, Clyde, the pressures of fame are many.

Oh, wow. Yeah, sure, a lot of people enjoyed the content

of my TED Talk, but I also took off my shirt.

So... secret's out.

Tess understands that I'm a lot of women's hall pass now.

It was completely unnecessary for you

to go shirtless in your TED Talk. Oh, I disagree.

to go shirtless in your TED Talk. Oh, I disagree.

You're telling me that Tess went up to you and said,

"I know that women are gonna want to fuck you now"?

Those were her exact words to you?

Well, no. I haven't actually had a chance

to speak with her since the TED Talk.

Wow, that was over a week ago, right? Was it?

Yeah. Oh, wow, time flies in a whirlwind, huh?

-You guys seem rock solid. -Yeah.

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

I'm happy you're figuring it out.

-Yeah, we'll be fine. Yeah. -Uh.

-You'll be-you'll be fine. -I think so.

-Jeannie Beans. -Hey.

How was the meet and greet?

You have pancakes or waffles or did you do both?

You can't have pancakes and waffles, Clyde.

Are you fucking crazy?

Are you fucking crazy?

- It was fine. - Ah.

I have to admit, I was a little bit nervous about

you and Seth getting together.

Really? I hadn't picked up on that.

But I'm clearly out of touch with the electorate,

because, honestly, people have been really responding to you

at these campaign events-- I mean, fucking you.

-Jeannie? Really? -I know!

Fuck you both. I'm a delight.

Eh.

-Oh, Douglas. -Hmm?

Your fantasy is finally coming true.

We are gonna meet with a boy band.

Very funny.

Not even close. No, no, no.

No, the puerile sounds of boy bands are poison to my ears,

No, the puerile sounds of boy bands are poison to my ears,

and the only antidote is Steely Dan.

Ah. You like yacht rock.

-Mm-hmm. -Shocker.

D'ream Out Loud has been an unparalleled success for CMG.

You might have heard

their song "Summertime Girl."

It was on the radio, like, every second of every day.

I don't think so.

I had no idea I knew all the words to that song.

Sorry, tell me again why we're chasing the pale imitation

of New Kids on the Block?

Oh, because since 2012, D'ream Out Loud

has racked up 50 million in record sales,

-19 number ones worldwide, -Oof.

and over 7.5 million in concert tickets sold.

Cha-ch'ing.

But the real star of the group

is that guy, Conner Sanders.

He's the newer, shinier version of Harry Styles.

He's no Jordan Knight.

He's no Jordan Knight.

Yeah, definitely tell him that.

Look, their new contracts have been sitting on

their lawyer's desk for ten months.

Apparently, they're sitting out

their current deals so they can be free to do

whatever the fuck it is retired teen idols do.

I can tell you what Joey Fatone did.

-Ruined My Big Fat... -My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

We got it, Doug. Jesus Christ.

-Shut up about that. -Well, he did.

Listen, D'ream Out Loud may sound like bullshit,

literally and figuratively,

but we are gonna go after them like any other client.

We get D'ream Out Loud, we get CMG.

When I was in fourth grade, somebody ripped down my poster

When I was in fourth grade, somebody ripped down my poster

of Jordan Knight from my cubbie.

And I knew Erin Hart had something to do with it.

She was such a fucking bitch.

What?

Uh, re-sign them and get rich. Yeah.

Welcome back. Good.

I'm not... I don't need to... Get out.

- Yeah. - Get out.

-Get out! -Yep.

Wining and dining

a bunch of haircuts at Dave & Busters.

- This is new. - I don't get it.

They have millions of dollars in the bank.

They couldn't have chosen a place with tablecloths?

They couldn't have chosen a place with tablecloths?

Hey, they love it here, so we love it here.

There's Conner!

Three of these things

is not like the other.

Well, Conner's the linchpin.

There's Conner!

So if we take down the alpha,