The Conners

"Who is Eckhart Tolle?"

"Who is Eckhart Tolle?!"

Who is Eckhart Tolle?

Who is Eckhart Tolle?

Only one of the most famous spiritual teachers of our time,

but most importantly, he's Oprah's bestie.

I thought Gayle was Oprah's bestie.

At least, according to the little TV on the gas pump.

Short pants, short pants.

"What are knickerbockers?!"

Don't tell me you're still thinking of going on "Jeopardy!"

It's not the same without Alex Trebek, rest in peace.

No, of course not, but Alex would want it to go on,

and he would want me to go on.

He told me that...

when I was on the hallucinogenic tea.

Oh, well, if the drugs said so, you gotta do it.

Stop trying to neg me, Dan.

"What is Little Big Horn?"

I mean, "Who is Custer?" Dammit, Jackie!

You're going to "the show." Get it together.

Grandpa, can we go to Laser Maxx Family Fun Center this weekend?

They're social distancing.

Oh, money's a little tight right now, honey.

Hey, you want to play laser tag, let's go out in the yard

and I'll chase you around with a flashlight.

Oh!

Hey, man. What's up?

Oh. Nothing.

Just thought I'd drop by and ask you to look out your window.

It's a boat.

Oh, it is a boat.

Your commitment to these practical jokes is impressive.

Uh, it's mine. I just bought it.

It took me a minute to convince Anne-Marie,

but once I got the grandkids to whine

at that pitch that makes her crazy, she gave in.

- Good for you. - Yeah.

- You want some coffee? - No, I don't want some coffee.

I-I want you to come look at my boat.

I saw it. You want some coffee or not?

I want to go see your boat!

See, that's how you act when someone gets a boat.

Come on. Get excited, man.

We're gonna have a blast this summer on Lake Michigan.

You know, I'm hoping you and Louise

will be able to join us sometime, man.

We can cruise around, drink beer.

- - Sure. Sounds great.

Kind of ironic, isn't it?

What do you mean?

No, I mean, it just goes to show you.

Just goes to show you what?

Well, it's funny how I'm the one that gave you a job,

made you a partner in my business,

and now you have a boat and I don't.

What are you, uh...

You saying I shouldn't have a boat?

No, no, no. I'm not saying you shouldn't have a boat.

I'm just saying I probably should have had a boat first.

You know what, Dan, you're right.

How dare I have a boat before you?

Come on, I didn't mean it like that.

Oh, yes, you did.

You just didn't know you did.

You know, I'll try and remember to stay a step below you, Dan.

What are you getting so worked up about?

I told you I like your stupid boat.

Now sit down and have some coffee.

Oh, don't tell me what to do.

I don't even know why I came over here.

3x10 Who Are Bosses, Boats and Eckhart Tolle?

Wow.

I can't believe I have my own office.

Well, if it's too much for you,

we can always get you a milk crate and a stool.

No, no. No.

I-It's weird, but it's kinda cool.

In the meantime, I've, uh, set up some interviews for you

so you can hire an assistant.

An assistant?

Uh, I'm pretty much the kind of person

that likes to do everything by myself.

Just ask my boyfriend how I am in bed.

I did. He said you need an assistant.

You were 10 minutes late today.

I was 15 minutes late yesterday.

How 'bout an 'atta girl?

So, this is what it's like living inside Robin's butt.

Where do you keep the stick?

Okay, did you come here just to torment me?

Mostly.

But I'm also here on Union Steward business.

The time clock is five minutes off,

so we're getting written up for coming in late.

Maybe you people up here could put down your caviar spoons

for a minute and come down and fix it.

Okay, okay. I'll... I'll look into it.

Now beat it.

I gotta interview some assistants.

You know, in an interview,

you have to pretend to listen to people.

All I have to do is look in their eyes, nod periodically,

and then, you know, there's the smiling.

And that's how the Joker became the Joker.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Couldn't hold me down, could you, Lanford?

Who's the bitch now?

Excuse me?

- Oh. - I'm here for the interview?

Oh, my God. Hi. I'm so sorry.

I'm Darlene Conner. First question...

you still want to work for me after hearing that?

No worries. My last boss

shot a champagne cork out his window and killed a bird.

Um...

Okay.

Where should we start?

Can I sit down?

Oh, my God. Yes. Please sit down.

So... um...

I'm interested in you.

Oh.

Uh, what's that you got in your hand?

Oh, this is just a little rabbit's foot

my daughter Ruthie gave me.

If I get this job, she can get her own computer.

She's been using the computer

at the halfway house down the block,

but I'm really not comfortable with her asking the junkies

how to spell things.

You're hired.

Whoa. Really?

No other questions?

Oh, God, no. I wouldn't put either one of us through that.

Thank you so much!

- Oh, this is gonna be great. - Yeah.

Okay. Oh. What do you usually wear to work?

Um... I don't know.

Something kind of like what I'm wearing today.

Why?

Let me just take a quick photo.

That way, I can be sure we coordinate.

I want people to know I belong to you.

Mm!

You always get the last laugh, don't you, Lanford?

I don't know what you're trying to flatten,

but it must be pretty curled to need all those books.

Well, I realized that there are some "Jeopardy!" categories

I'm not as strong in,

so I'm trying to memorize history.

Which part?

Human.

Hey, can I come in?

I've been tested for all sorts of things,

but the COVID one is good.

Sure.

All right.

Jackie.

Dwight.

Chuck asked me to drop this off.

What's in it?

It's a bill.

Chuck is officially breaking up the partnership,

and he assumes you're gonna keep

all the equipment you guys bought,

so he wants to be reimbursed for half.

Chuck's breaking up your partnership?

What happened?

I didn't do cartwheels over his dumbass boat

and he lost his mind about it.

He knows I'm struggling to hang onto my house

and he pulls a boat into my driveway?

Might as well park it in my be-hind

and call it the "S.S. Take That."

You know what would show Chuck a thing or two

is if you got yourself a new partner.

An attractive, young one.

I'm done with partners.

Okay. So we're negotiating.

You're offering me nothing.

I will take a silent partnership

and I'll work for minimum wage.

Final offer.

That's less than I pay you now.

Yes, but I'm a partner.

Sounds way better on Farmers Only.

You city girls don't know what you want.

Anything you want me to pass on to Chuck?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you can tell him I'll get him his money

when I'm damn good and ready!

Okay. I'll give him the message.

But I don't think I can replicate your ferocity.

Lisa, can you print the latest production reports

and put them on my desk, please?

Sure. Oh! Hey, boss?

Do you want me to get Ruthie on her new computer

so she can say thank you to her Auntie Darlene?