Stella

Ripped By mstoll

- Heya. - Hey.

- Have a lovely day. - And you.

First floor flat, two bedroom, separate bathroom and toilet.

No garden, but there's a balconette.

- What's a balconette? - It's a shite balcony.

Hey!

The rest of it looks nice, though.

- Yeah, they want a two-month deposit. - Oh, bollocks.

Hey! We'll have to be patient, that's all. Save up a bit.

Where are two of the bowls?

Ask Michael. He's been de-cluttering.

Where's breakfast?

I literally have no idea.

Oh. Luke, will you take us driving later?

Not today. I got work.

Oh, I'll never pass at this rate.

Well, you know what you want to do, Ben.

Go on one of them courses where you pass a test in a week?

No. Go up to Pontyberry College and register for sixth form.

To be continued.

Oh!

All right, Rain Man?

I thought you'd already gone.

I'm trying to, but, first, I want my breakfast.

Which, by the way, is the most important meal of the day.

Oh, is that your medical opinion?

But I can't have my breakfast because someone has moved the spoons.

Just trying to bring some order to your chaos.

My chaos?

Hmm.

How is your office?

It's okay. Don't like to moan, unlike some people.

Hey, play nicely. It's my first day.

Of your second year.

Well, I'm still allowed to be nervous.

Oh, come on. What's the worst that can happen?

You accidentally kill a patient?

There's a trial, it's all over the papers,

and people start yelling "murderer" at you in the street.

The spoons, Michael.

- Kitchen cupboard, bottom left. - Thank you.

Stell.

You're smart, you're hard-working, and you're great with people.

You'll be fine.

But, if you do get sacked, make sure you keep the uniform.

There she is!

Getting into her car, as bold as a builder.

Morning, Aunty Brenda.

Oh, there'll be no "Morning, Aunty Brenda"s,

not till you've explained the meaning of that.

Michael found a buyer for his house.

I can read, good girl, I want details.

Oh, I'm late as it is, I've got no time for that...

Fine.

He got an offer last week.

It was less than what he wanted, but the buyer said he could move quick,

so Michael has accepted and they are exchanging and completing on Friday.

- Happy now? - Not remotely. I haven't met 'em yet.

Well, neither have I. Does it matter?

They could be anyone. Swingers, doggers, Nazi war criminals.

What would that do to house prices?

I gotta go, I'll see you later.

Well, I'm willing to overlook your slapdash approach

to the property market

if you'll do me a favour and put these up around the hospital.

Room to let. Non-smoker, no vegans, or fancy types.

You're getting a lodger?

When times are hard, you gotta diversify.

Deborah Meaden taught me that.

Le Cafe de les Alans.

It's definitely distinctive.

Exactly. No one's ever called a cafe that before.

- I looked it up on Google. - Aye.

This is a new start, love.

Another chapter in the book called "Things Done by Alan and Little Alan".

That's not really a book, mind. Just being poetic.

- Hey, big day for you too. - Yeah.

Wish me luck.

Hey, Stell. You coming tomorrow night, big opening?

Wouldn't miss it for the world, presh.

I dry-cleaned my posh frock.

- Right. Ready, Nurse Braxton? - Ready as I'll ever be.

- See you later. - So long.

- All right, isn't it, Dad? - Yeah, chef.

Do you know what they say, Little Al?

As one door closes, another one opens.

- Do you want me to open it again? - Nah, the moment's gone.

See this?

This is what you know about nursing.

You might think you know this, but you don't.

You know this.

Now, this year's going to be tough.

You're going to be on your own a lot more

without me there to hold your hands and wipe your bums.

Some of you will not cope.

Others, we'll have to wait and see.

- Celia, is it? - Yes.

Celia's returning back into nursing after, ooh... How long is it now?

- Oh, I did a few years of... - Speak up.

- I did a few years of... - Speak up.

I did a few years of training but had to stop in 2009.

Gonna help me whip this lot into shape, you?

I'm sure you don't need any help.

'Course I don't need no help!

2009 is in the dark ages.

Nursing's moved on so much since then, you probably know less than they do.

That said, welcome back.

Right, follow me.

These are your placements for the next term,

so, listen up 'cause I will say this only once.

Yufrie, A&E.

Grace Edmonds and Ramjit Singh, orthopaedic ward.

Rory Williams and Heather Abrahams, obs and gynae.

Jonny Ameev and James Grayson, geriatrics.

And remember, just 'cause they're old, don't mean they're nice.

Uh, what about us?

General ward. With me.

Right. Uh, before we start,

I just want to say this is very much a temporary situation.

I'll be able to move into a proper office

when my house is sold.

- To the swingers? - What?

Aunty Brenda said you're selling your place to a pair of swingers.

- No. - No, Marj. It was doggers.

- Doggers. Sorry. - Uh...

Firstly, they're neither.

Secondly, if I can just finish off what I was saying...

Hello!

...I know the room seems a bit poky,

but I have 20 years experience as a solicitor.

I'm going to my room!

And I can assure you that you will still get a top quality legal service.

So, how can I help?

We'd like to make our last will and testament.

Ben!

Sorry about this.

- What? - Stop these speakers!

Turn it down!

All right, so who would be the main beneficiary of your...

She'll stop in a second.

Who would be the main beneficiary of your will?

Our little boy.

Aw.

Right. You've got Mrs Kidney failure,

and you've got Mr Diabetes and anaemia. Now, get to it.

Morris! Braxton!

See him there?

That is God Almighty. Mr Honey.

He rules this ward with a rod of iron held with a fist of surgical steel.

You never ever address him directly.

You speak to me, and me alone.

And I'll speak to him on your behalf. Good plan?

Uh... Mr Szeschny, is that how you say it?

Szesch-ny. Szesch-ny.

I need to take a blood sample, presh.

Hold your arm out nice and straight for me.

I'm not... I don't...

- Want to... Want... - Don't worry.

I'll be quick. Hopefully.

And who do we have here?

Stella Morris.

The patient?

Apologies, Mr Honey. This is, um...

Mr Jersey, presented with symptoms of fainting and nausea.

So you're doing an FBC and blood glucose, yes?

Uh, yes, that is correct.

Have you got a squint or something?

No, I was just addressing Sister...

Well, go on then. Hurry up.

- I'm no patient, don't... - It won't hurt, I promise.

I am not a patient.

I visit my brother!

Hi.

So, the grand opening is tomorrow night at 7:30.

Tomorrow night, 7:30.

Now, the food is free, but the bar is paid. So...

Food free.

Bar is...

P-A-I...

Yeah, do you have to write everything down?

Oh, I'm a stickler for detail, Al.

Karl would say I'm like Sherlock Holmes, but without the hat.

Plus, I'm the sole breadwinner now he's back from Abu Dhabi.

I'm gonna dazzle you.

I've got loads of ideas too, like balloons.

When we opened Tantastic Bodies, we had hundreds of them in every colour.

Blue, red,

green, orange...

Look at this blender, Dad.

- Turquoise, purple. - Titanium coated.

- Top of the range, only 600 quid. - Black, mauve.

Which is a bit like purple, I admit, but still stunning.

- Who's that? - The burglar alarm bloke.

Security is paramount.

- I learned that in my course. - Come off it.

Man, this is Pontyberry, who's gonna break in?

If you rob anyone in Abu Dhabi,

Karl said that they take no prisoners, literally.

Cut your hand off.