Cupid's Proxy

Hi, Justin!

- Can't stop, Natalie, I'll be late for my lesson.

- Oh that's cool, I'm totally cool with that.

I hear that guy, Newt or Stan--

Stewart.

- Yeah yeah, him, I hear he's really good.

I mean, I think it's awesome you're taking guitar lessons

because I'm musically inclined.

I've been taking piano lessons since I was four.

Maybe you can learn that cool song by Bruno Mars.

You know, it's my favorite, Count With Me.

Wait no, that's not it. - Oh, yeah, cool.

It's something with letters or... - Uh-huh.

It's Count On Me.

Who doesn't know that?

Oh, don't be cruel.

It's her first crush, it's so cute.

- I'll show you those later and--

Bye, Nat.

Bye.

Oh anyway, about the bracelets, you know,

so I had this red... - Yeah, a gnat.

Bye.

She's kinda like a gnat.

An annoying, buzzing gnat.

- Oh, you will rethink your position someday, buddy,

I promise.

In the meantime, you will be

as polite as possible, young man.

She's new here, she needs a friend.

- Mom, you know I'm being nice to her.

And we both know how that ends.

She gets the wrong idea and next thing I know

we're eating dinner at the Olive Garden before Junior prom.

Oh yeah?

You should be so lucky.

Mom, stop stop!

Olive, hey, Olive!

I told you I'd do that after my lesson.

Yeah, yes yes, I know, honey

but I thought I'd just get a head start.

You know, I only got one foot planted in the grave, okay.

The other is firmly amongst the living.

- Are you getting excited for your cruise?

- Mm-mh, this is the romance novel cruise.

Ooh, la la.

Hey, and thank you for the tomatoes.

They were amazing.

- Oh Becca, I'm just trying to keep up your cooking skills.

You know, men, they love a good--

Ah.

- We have to get running, toodle-oo.

- You'll rethink your position someday, I promise.

- And you will mind your own beeswax, Mr. Man.

Hey, does dropping my kid off at the local bar,

albeit a highly reputable establishment,

make me a bad mother?

- I never go into the bar part, Mom.

Stewart's lessons are in the room behind the stage.

It's totally legit.

What makes you bad mother is forcing me to interact

with a potentially dangerous insect, posing as a human girl.

Not nice.

Now scoot, I gotta call my clients over at the Dollar Depot.

I'll be back to pick you up in 90 sharp.

All right.

Hello, little man.

Hey.

Have fun.

I'll try.

Greetings, protege.

You're looking sweat free.

- Mom took mercy on me and dropped me off.

And a fine lady she is.

I mean, fine like, I aspire to be a good man.

She is a fine woman.

Yeah.

Good citizen, true American.

All right, let's pick up some strings and make 'em cry.

- I'm sure that Mick and the boys

would frown at changing the lyrics

and I don't think you guys wanna get embroiled

in a copyright infringement suit.

Think about that whole Robin Thicke, Pharrell Williams mess.

- What thick pharaoh?

- You know, I promise that I will come up

with a ditty for Dollar Depot that is downright dandy.

Uh, what?

I didn't catch that.

- You know, sorry, couldn't help myself.

More as a have it, okie-dokie? Toodle-oo.

Ugh.

Okay, okay, now here.

Look, the cornerstone of being a musician

is rhythm and timing.

Now, do you know what a metronome is?

- I've heard of the Metrodome, does that count?

No.

But you get points for word association.

Now, a metronome keeps the beat, the pace, the timing.

Music is all about timing.

You either got good timing or you got bad timing.

- You better be teaching him something upbeat.

Speaking of bad timing.

- Playing you all's sad songs too.

You know, my songs aren't sad,

they're melancholy.

And the best songs are about falling in love

or out of love and my songs happen to be about the latter.

Just waiting for the tide to turn.

Besides, I got a soft spot for relationships gone bad.

Don't say that again, Stew.

It just gives you a pathetic quality.

Women do not like pathetic.

Says the lifelong bachelor

who knows everything there is to know about women.

- Hey, Clive, you know any songs about how to hide from girls

you don't wanna talk to?

- You don't learn how to play the guitar

to keep the girls away.

That kinda defeats the purpose.

You know what I mean?

Wanna give him a try?

Really?

Yeah.

I call this one Tex.

Was its last owner named Tex?

Barry.

Was Barry from Texas?

St. Louis.

Wait, why Tex?

Come on, let's just play.

Nice.

How about old Betty, did you name her?

- No, she came that way from the pawn shop.

- Well, you every wonder about her history?

Why she's named that way?

Could be a long lost mysterious love story

waiting to be told.

- Or it's last owner's name was Betty

and she wanted to let everybody know it was hers.

I'm gonna get a summer job and save up for one

without anybody's name on it.

Okay.

Okay, all right.

Time to get the boy.

- She's super busy today, I'm sure she'll be here soon.

Yeah, no worries, bud.

You know, I'll be back in one minute, okay?

Hi.

I am so, so sorry, there long lines at the store.

All right, Jay, let's get going.

I got a trunk full of food

and I don't wanna risk food poisoning.

Given the fact that I already let the kid

hang out at a bar all day,

I would definitely lose my mother of the year nomination.

- So, how's the graphic design coming along?

- Oh my gosh, you must think that I'm raised by wolves.

I didn't even see you standing there, Stewart.

- Oh well, it's hard not to notice you standing.

I said that out loud.

Uh, on a not awkward moment. He is doing great.

- Well, brilliance runs in the family.

I'm hoping that he can get good enough

to help me with a ditty for the Dollar Depot folks.

They can't understand why I can't use the Rolling Stones'

"You Can't Always Get What You Want"

just by changing the lyrics to

you can always get what you want for a dollar.

All right, vamanos, amigo.

All right.

Say, if you need the help,

I was a pretty decent jingle writer

in a past life.

Boom.

- I'm gonna go finish pulling the weeds for Olive.

She shouldn't be working that hard in the heat.

It's not good for old people.

How did I get so lucky?

Get over here.

Hey, and don't mention anything about being old to Olive.

Women don't like to hear those kinds of words, okay?

- I also heard that women don't like pathetic men.

- Well, whoever you heard that from is a genius.

Bartender named Clive.

I rest my case.

Such a good kid.

Ugh, more dishes.

- I vote for making weeds the new flowers

so nobody has to pull them.

- Well then, what would the young upstanding boys do

for their gracefully aging neighbors during the summer?

- You're not aging Olive, you're still,

I think of you as um,

you have--