The Ladies of the House

Wanna sit closer to the stage?

No, I'm fine.

Kai, the point of going to a strip club is to see the ladies.

I'm fine. I can see them just fine.

You're not having any fun, are you?

You know what? We'll go to Molly's.

Get chicken fried steaks and that apple pie you like.

You know how they do?

It's your birthday.

Derek and I were assholes to think

we'd take you to a place like--

Woo-hoo! All right, all right!

Having any fun yet, Kai?

- Yes, thank you. - Nice. Yes.

- No, he's not having-- - I--I am.

You're not having fun because you're up in the nosebleeds, son!

Come up front. Live a little.

Enjoy the view.

Let's go, let's do this.

Let's party it up, Tittyville style.

Thank you, Amber.

Now I'd like a smoldering hot welcome to the stage for Wasabi.

Clinks. Clinks to that.

Kai, here.

God damn it, Kai. You fucking retard.

Come on.

Sorry, baby.

Oh, feisty.

Kai, let's go.

sorry.

Shit.

Who fed Piglet?

- Dishes. - Vacuum.

How's it going, Ginger?

Some asshole just smacked me like a pack mule.

Smack him back.

Why don't you take the rest of the night off?

Go have a glass of wine, finish unpacking.

We need to get a chore wheel.

I'll see you back at the house.

You look pretty tonight.

Thanks.

I'm glad you moved in with us.

Birthday boy, want a present like that?

Oh, okay.

What? No, no, no, no. Not okay.

It wasn't even a real question.

Dude, roll up beside her.

- No. - Do it!

A stripper will go home with you if you ask the right way.

She's not gonna go home with you.

Why not?

Because you're not gonna ask her the right way.

What I'm holding here

would make a church mother give me a blowjob.

Just because that's the first time

you've held a bill larger than a five doesn't mean

everybody else is just as impressed.

Your dick doesn't impress.

Oh, nice comeback.

You wanna see something impressive?

Check it.

What the hell are you doing with that?

Relax, it's not real.

I'm telling you, these girls are completely fine with it.

Let's do this, come on.

- She's gone. - Follow her.

- What, home? - Yeah.

Are strippers completely fine with stalking?

Dude, I know things.

I better not get arrested.

Oh, this is great. This is great!

This is a great birthday, Jacob!

Hey! What a coincidence.

Do we live in the same neighborhood?

Hi.

You guys live around here?

Yeah, practically. Right up the block.

Wow, you look beautiful in sweats. Doesn't she, Kai?

She's very pretty.

You're-- You're very pretty.

What's your name?

Ginger.

No, no. Not your stage name.

My stage name is Wasabi.

Now, that's hot, but I guess that's the point, right?

Yeah. Lin thought of it.

Who's Lin?

She owns the house.

She's also one of the dancers.

Really?

I don't think we noticed anyone else but you.

So, you have roommates?

That's cool. You guys have, like,

pillow fights and stuff? Fuh-bam!

That's stupid. Sorry.

Lame. Double lame.

I better--

Yeah. We should--you know, uh, we have, like,

a full bottle of Tequila in the car

and some party "accoutremontays" if you want some?

I don't know. The house has rules.

Totally.

Uh, look, we're not, like, big city types or anything.

We're just a bunch of cowboys and Indians trying to have some fun.

I promise. It's totally chill.

What do you think?

Come on.

Okay.

Well, okay. All right. Cool.

Kai: This is fun.

Yeah.

Think she'll-- Think she'll...

Oh, hey. Hello, miss Ginger.

Yes, Ginger. Good move.

On the floor, guys, come on.

Can I, uh, move this?

Sure.

Birthday boy, do the honors.

Anyone got some quarters?

There you go. All right.

Let's play quarters.

How's that J coming, Jacob?

- It's a-okay. - All right.

Don't mind if I--

Don't mind if you what? Embarrass yourself?

Shut the fuck up.

Sorry, not you. Ginger, why don't you try it?

What, you want to see how it's really done?

- Teach me. - All right.

- Oh! - Damn!

One, two, three.

Happy birthday, Kai! Clinks.

Yeah, yeah!

You're really beautiful, you know?

You're so sweet.

I don't always feel like the guys that come here...

I don't know, see me.

Well...

You know, guys.

It's--it's hard.

Yeah, I know.

She always goes for the clean ones.

Some of us have lives to go home to.

This one has a family, I know it.

She's been talking to him all night.

She likes the belt buckle.

You know I'm right.

Messy.

Yeah. No. It's, um--

Better with spider.

Yeah. No, no, it's--it's--it's real.

You're really beautiful and--

Thank you.

She's lost him.

I think so.

You know, uh, maybe if you gave me your number.

You know, I-- I gotta go, okay?

This was--this was great.

Fuck.

Fuckin' a.

Yes! Whoo!

Let's, uh, bring it up a notch, yeah?

Dare quarters.

Whoever gets a quarter in gets to give a dare.

Who wants to play?

- Yeah, I wanna play. - You guys in?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Sure.

Yeah, sure.

That's what I'm talking about.

This game's about to change on a quarter, on a dime.

Boom!

Oh, fuck.

Document this shit. Fucking document it, man.

- All right, all right. - Work of an artist.

Make room, make room.

Watch and learn.

All right.

Oh!

- Oh, you lucky ass. - Wow.

Talk about it.

Fuck Simon says. Dare quarters, Derek orders.

What?