Vice Principals

Fuck yeah!

Dude, turn it up!

Lee.

- Lee! - What? I'm sleeping.

Jackie's working out again.

Well, put in the earplugs I got you.

I did. They keep falling out.

Please, Lee? It's so loud.

Can you go over there?

I was just having the most incredible dream.

I can't believe this.

You can't fucking put in fucking earplugs.

Fuck yes!

Fuck yeah!

Fuck yeah!

Hey, Jackie!

Uh, fellas?

What's up, Lee?

How's the, uh, the workout going?

Ah, it's leg day.

Not my favorite thing to do,

but still gotta do it, right?

Oh, absolutely. You have to do it, right?

- So hey, uh... - What's happening?

I... I think maybe we've talked about this,

but, um, uh, when...

When you boys are out here doing your thing,

do you mind keeping the garage doors closed?

My wife, she gets all weird

about getting eight hours of sleep.

Me, I can snore through anything.

To tell you the truth, I...

I kinda gotta leave it open, man.

Keeps the air fresh in here, you know?

Oh, I bet it gets real ripe in there,

all y'all big boys just sweatin' everywhere.

But, uh...

well, maybe y'all can take it inside then.

- Enjoy the air-conditioning. - Lee...

I think I can do what I want

in my own garage, can't I?

Well, of course, Jackie. I'm... I'm not saying it's...

Okay, if you want to get technical right now,

you're trespassing.

I'm fucking with you, man.

Man, chill. You were scared, you were scared.

- I was just... I didn't get scared. - Yes, you were.

- Yes. Yes, you were. - Come here! No, I wasn't scared. Aah!

- That's a little bitch. - Yeah, boy!

- We got a live one here tonight, boys! - Please, please, guys.

I can't breathe!

Jackie. Please, Jackie, I can't breathe.

- Whoa! Damn! - I can't breathe!

You just tried to touch my dick!

- No, I didn't! - Yes, you did.

No. You tried to jerk me off.

Why would I try to touch your dick, Jackie? I've got my own dick.

- I didn't try to touch your... - Whatever you say, princess.

Hey, Chinks!

How you doin' over there?

Okay, you've been here too long.

You go now.

You go now. Prease, go.

Night-night.

Yeah, boy!

Welcome to hell, Lee!

Fuck yeah!

Let's keep the line moving, guys. Come on.

Get your macaroni and cheeses.

Get your cutlery and let's keep the line flowing.

Good work.

What's up, Mr. Gamby?

What'd you get up to this weekend?

Hey, it was nice talking to you, Mr. Gamby.

Miss Snodgrass.

- Oh, hey. - You should grab a tray and follow me.

- We're gonna skip the line. - Oh, okay.

Yeah. There's gonna be a fire drill.

- Oh. - Yeah.

We're not supposed to say it's a drill, but it is a drill.

I just didn't want you to be scared is all.

Oh. Thanks, uh, for looking out for me.

Oh, I know you'd do the same for me.

Hold the line, everyone. It's a faculty member.

Back up, back up.

Dayshawn, I think she'd like a warm, hot meal.

- Okay. - Uh, thanks, Dayshawn. Yeah.

- Sure. - You got it.

Use all doors, all doors.

Keep moving. The school is on fire!

Slow children burn, smart kids learn!

Find your class,

find your teacher, get your ass in line!

Move, move, move!

- Come on, you guys! - Like your life depended on it!

- Come on, guys! - Why'd you bring your book bag?

You're not leaving school. Go!

Get in line, goddamn it.

Zip the lips! Straighten the lines right now!

In a real fire,

or if a terrorist organization had infiltrated us,

we need to be able to identify who's missing,

who's possibly burnt, and dead inside the school.

All right. 12 minutes, 46 seconds.

I know that seems like a long time,

but it's actually pretty good for November.

You know what?

I'm very impressed with the organization, but we should still be...

Hold up for a second. Demetrius Todd!

Demetrius! Phone down now.

If this were an emergency, how do you expect to hear

what I'm saying if you're yip-yapping on the phone?

- My mom's calling. - I don't care

if it's the queen of England.

All right? Put the phone down right now.

Don't you snarl at me. I will smash that phone.

One week detention for that phone,

one week's detention for snarling at me.

Fix the face.

Fix the face right now. Do you hear me?

Marcus Byrd, what's so funny?

Buy a belt and pull your pants up.

You look like a flippin' circus clown!

Yeah.

Mr. Gamby, how many students

would you say you suspended last year?

In school or all the way?

51 students.

See, you didn't let me guess. I was gonna probably say 45.

183 detentions...

and four expulsions?

These numbers are pretty high.

Well, yeah, that might be a little higher than usual.

We had a pretty mouthy senior class last year.

Do you feel that you get positive results with your method?

I mean, do the kids turn it around

when they come back from suspension?

I mean, the smart ones that have sense do.

You know, then there's some that just have

darkness in their heart and will never learn.

Mr. Gamby, we're gonna try something brand-new.

Flip the script, as it were.

From now on, zero suspensions,

zero detentions,

and for damn sure, zero expulsions.

All right. Well, that's pretty much all the tools

that there are to discipline people,

so kids are gonna run wild. Sounds like a great idea.

We're gonna try a method called restorative justice.

Instead of trying to punish bad behavior,

we're gonna bring the offenders together,

give them a non-judgmental space called The Circle Room.

- Miss Swift? - Yes?

Can you look into the price of...

Why don't you look into the pricing

- for some beanbag chairs, - Okay.

A boom box, and...

- Ooh! A popcorn machine! - Ooh!

- Okay! - I can't even tell

if you're being serious right now.

Beanbags and a popcorn machine?

Relax, Mr. Gamby.

This is gonna be nice for you, too.

You won't have to walk around here

yelling at everybody.

Don't laugh, Swift. It's not funny.

She can laugh at whatever she wants to laugh at, Mr. Gamby.

Well, her face is disrespectful...

Put your eyebrows down and calm down.

Thank you.

That's what I...

Are you threatening her?

Nope. This pencil broke.

This goddamn woman.

How dare her try to make me feel

like I gotta be self-conscious about my fucking record.

I was looking at her and I'm thinking,

"You know what Lee Russell would do right now?

I bet you money Lee Russell would just haul back

and just smack the fuck out of her face." And you know what?

- I almost did it. - Are you serious right now?

I couldn't believe it either.

- Done with her shit. - You're complaining

about Belinda Brown being mean to you.

Yeah. I'm just so sick of it.

Ow! Russell, what the...

You did this, you fucking piece of shit!

We had her dead to rights,

on the fucking ropes, and you just...

pussied out!

We should've taken her out when we had the chance,

and now we're worse off than when we started, Gamby.

Where's my fucking cigarette?

Well, I think that that's an unfair assessment of the situation.

If you ask me, I, you know, it's...

it's been mild success.

You know, I have...

I have a lot of dark shit going on

in my life right now, Gamby, and I could really use a...

And you don't even fucking care!