The Suite Life on Deck

Here you go, Cody.

I hope that didn't make you feel uncomfortable.

Collecting towels is my job.

I've learned how to handle the pressure.

No, silly. I was talking about how that cute guy in the hot tub.

Was shamelessly flirting with me right in front of you.

You mean the guy in the yellow and green checkered swim trunks.

With the fake tan and the gap in his teeth?

Never noticed him.

That's a relief.

He had a gap in his teeth?

Cody, I need you to do me a really really big favor.

What? Help you hold that pterodactyl leg?

No, it's about my sister Willa.

She's coming to visit me for the week.

But I've got a big paper due, so it would be great.

If you could help me keep her company.

- What's she like? - Just like me.

Great personality, funny and quite the looker.

Uh-huh.

And why do I have to do it?

Well, I know you did your paper before the semester even started.

And you have no social life...

It just so happens that my social calendar.

For the week is completely filled.

- With what, going to the lab to visit your bacteria? - Maybe.

They get lonely.

Please please please please please please please please please please.

Okay okay.

- I'll do it. - Thank you.

Uh, yeah, no thanks.

That's some bacteria I'd rather not visit.

Zack? What are you doing here?

Miss tutweiller gave me clean-up detention for gluing Cody to his desk.

Miss tutweiller gave me clean-up detention for being late to class.

And for being late to the meeting to discuss what to do about me always being late.

By the way you're late.

I never learn, do I?

You know, I miss the good old days.

Where people couldn't tell me and Cody apart.

And I could force him to do the stuff that I hate.

Oooh, I have lots of stuff to do I hate!

Like anything that doesn't involve a credit card.

I need to get me a twin!

But then puberty hit, and my hot genes went into overdrive,

While he got blind-sided by his geek chromosomes.

Hey hey!

If miss tutweiller finds out you skipped out,

I'm not helping you clean up her cats' Kitty litter!

I still have a hairball from last time!

Hey, bro, I brought you a little something.

For your tour of duty with Woody's sister.

Ahem.

One bag is to put over Willa's head so she doesn't scare the children.

The other bag is to put over your head just in case her bag falls off.

I can't believe I let myself get roped into this.

Come on, Willa. Don't be shy.

I can only imagine what kind of hideous troll is about to walk through that door.

Oh, I'm going to take a picture of it and put it on the Internet.

Hi, I'm Willa.

Hi, I'm Zack!

You are gorgeous!

And you are in a relationship.

Whereas I, Cody, am as free as air.

Speaking of which, you want to go grab some?

- Sure. - You can just recycle those bags.

Have fun!

I think they're gonna have fun.

Ow!

- What was that for? - Having a pretty sister.

Ow!

- What was that for? - Not telling me about her.

Ow-www!

What was that for?

Nothing. I just like hitting you.

Okay, finalists, I have used all my tipton resources.

To scour the globe in search of my perfect double.

Dim the lights.

Number four.

You wowed me with your rendition of "paparazzi,"

But stumbled miserably with your fashion sense.

Boo you.

Number three.

Your impression of my trademark "yay me!" was spot on...

But unfortunately

You've got more wrinkles than an elephant's tushy.

Okay, ladies, whoever answers correctly.

Wins.

What color is the new black?

Oh.

Yes?

Sparkles!

That is correct.

Tess wong, you are the new London tipton!

Yay you!

Dude, why are you all dressed up?

- I've got a date. - A date?

You're supposed to be hanging out with my sister.

I am hanging out with your sister.

You're bringing my sister on your date?

That's creepy weird.

No, your sister is my date.

Whoa whoa whoa.

Whoa!

That is so not cool, man.

Why not? We're having a great time together.

She's smart and funny and charming.

Are you sure you're related?

Yes.

And how would you like it if I dated your sister?

Well, all I got is Zack and he's all yours.

Okay, I'm just going to have to say it:

Cody Martin, I officially forbid you to date my sister!

Well, I officially don't care.

Dang it.

- What's the matter, Woody? - We got trouble.

Cody just told me he's dating my sister.

Oh, I get it.

He told you that because he knew you would tell me.

Because he was upset that the guy in the hot tub was flirting with me.

Even though he said it didn't bother him.

Men!

Or...

He's really into my sister.

I'm telling you he's really into me.

I mean, every time I walk by him, his eyes pop right out of his head.

I thought that was one of his allergies.

Okay, a little less eyeshadow. Let's get rid of that...

Ow!

... Nose hair.

Perfect.

Wow, a girl could get used to this.

Now if you could just get rid of that hideous accent.

What are you "tawkin'" about?

Repeat after me:

The service here stinks and I asked for that in pink.

The "soivice" here stinks and I asked for that in pink.

Speaking of stinks... Huh.

Hey, watch it, chica.

Try again.

The service here stinks and I asked for that in pink.

Better!

You sound so much more smarticler.

You're a regular "my fair ladle."

Okay, now here's a list of things I don't want to do.

Here's a list of people I bother to speak to,

- And here's a list of words I don't know. - This is a dictionary.

Call it what you want.

- Hi, London. - Hey there.

I mean, hey...

Zack?

Hey, you're on time.

And you are cute.

... Ter than I remember. Hee hee hee.

I guess the weekly showers are really starting to pay off.

What are you doing? I thought we were supposed to be cleaning.

We are, but just for kicks I'm loosening the bolts on Cody's chair.

He thought the glue was bad.

Oh... oh!

My trusty spies tell me that we won't have to worry.

About tutweiller stopping by.

Because she's chasing the new crewman around the boiler room.

- Tutweiller? - Yeah.

Tutweiller, tutweiller...

- Anyway we can go. - Uh, but, um,

What am I supposed to do for the next 45 minutes?

Do what you usually do... go shopping.

- But I didn't bring any money. - You don't need it.

You just sign for stuff. You're London tipton.

I am, aren't I?

Let's go buy...

Everything!

But you got that last Christmas.

Oh, that's my sister over there.

- That's your sister?! - Shhh.

That's your sister?

I told you Cody wasn't into her. They're just playing a videgame.

It's video golf! Perfect opportunity for him to put his arms around her.

Please.

Okay, Cody would never resort to such a cheesy.

Cliched guy move.

- Okay? - Hello!

He's not making a move.

He's just lining up her putt.

- I'll say. - Shhh!

Woody, you are blowing this way out of proportion.

Maybe you're right. Maybe it's just two friendly people playing a game of golf.

Oh, who are we kidding? If they're kissing on the first hole,

They'll be honeymooning on the back nine.

Ugh, stupid sea-school key!

Hi London. You did great in gym class today.

I have gym? Uh, whatever.

Listen, I went down to the spa this morning to get a manicure,

But they said I'd already been there and I'm almost positive I wasn't!

Well, I had to go to the spa.

I can't be London tipton with raggedy nails and hairy legs.

You took my wax appointment too?

Hey, I gots to represent.