White Boy Rick

Come get your raffle tickets today, at booth 337.

- Here, Mom. - Oh, thank you.

Prizes include a .40 caliber Smith & Wesson...

Pull it out, give it a squeeze, and it's ready to go.

That's a Uzi, full-auto Uzi with a 25-round magazine.

This is the United States of America, kid.

- I set the price, and it's $200. - I know where I live, man.

I'm just saying, you ain't selling what you say you're selling.

Listen, kid, I did two tours.

I think I know a Russian AK when I see one.

You want to buy something?

Why don't you go buy yourself a soda pop?

Folks, don't forget to stop by

- and enter the raffle... - Hey, Dad!

Before you leave today. We are closing at 7:00.

Check this out. The gas cylinder on the Russian AK

- has four escape holes. - Right.

- The Egyptian Maadi has two. - True.

This here, be an Egyptian AK.

- Ain't nothing Russian about it. - Okay, playtime's over.

You see the little fat man in the Ray-Bans back here?

Now, I say the word,

you and junior here are kissing asphalt in the parking lot.

Let me ask you something. Little fat man in the Ray-Bans have any idea

you're hustling off Egyptian AKs to a 14-year-old boy?

$150.

Done. For both.

$150 for two AKs?

Two fake AKs, friend.

I'll lose my goddamn shirt.

Ah, that's better than losing your goddamn license.

Oh, you're a real fucking prick.

Dad, check this out. A Smith & Wesson 639.

And that bitch real.

What do you say, friend? You want to throw that in for dessert?

Sure, he does.

How come we stayed, Dad?

Eh.

Detroit. You always saying it's a shithole.

Son, lion don't leave the Serengeti.

Besides, this is gonna be our year, I can feel it.

You know, people like to piss on this country,

but America is the only place in the goddamn world

where a man can hot-wire his brains to his balls

and make shit happen.

All's he got to have is vision.

- Vision? - Yeah.

Man needs a fucking pair of glasses.

He wired his brains to his balls?

It's a, uh, metaphor, Rick.

- Fuck is that? - I mean, like a phrase of speech.

Or, for instance, look in the backseat, tell me what you see.

- A VCR. - No, sir.

That, my friend, is the future. It's our future.

You and I are gonna open up a video store, Rick.

But we're not just gonna have one store. We're gonna have dozens of stores.

Now, most people are lambs, Ricky. Not you and me.

Goddamn lions.

Let's go pick up your sister, go for a frozen custard.

Have a little celebration.

Dawn ain't gonna want no fucking custard.

She barely eats as it is.

Is that Ty's car?

'Cause it looks a hell of a lot like Ty's car to me.

That's 'cause it is Ty's car.

God damn it!

Whoa, what the fuck, Dad?

Dawn! Dawn!

Ah, for Christ's sake. Dawn, turn the music down, will you, pumpkin?

- What? - The music! Turn it down!

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

I thought you and Rick was gonna be at the gun show all day.

Yeah, well, the day's almost over.

All right? Gun show came and went, Dawn. What'd he give you, huh?

- What'd you give her? - Leave him alone.

I can tell you're high, Dawn.

I may be high, but that ain't why Ty's here.

You know how many kids have died in this neighborhood

'cause of drugs? I'm not gonna let you ruin your life, Dawn.

No drugs in the goddamn house.

I don't need drugs for that, Daddy.

You and Mom pretty much did that all on your own.

How long does it take you to button a fucking button, Ty?

Zip up, and get the fuck out of my house!

Dawn, put on your clothes. We're going out.

You, me and Ricky, we're gonna get frozen custard.

What's so funny?

- Why the fuck would I do that? - Why'd you do that?

'Cause you're my daughter, that's why.

And we're a family, and that's what families do.

You realize you the worst fucking father ever.

- Get dressed, Dawn. Put your clothes on. - Ty!

- Wait! - No! Hey!

- Ty! Ty, don't go! - Dawn! No.

- Get back. - Get the fuck off of me!

Get back in the house, Dawn.

Go in the house and get dressed.

- No! Ty! No! Wait! - Get inside! Dawn!

No. No.

Ty!

- Fuck! - Ah, Christ!

Keep going. I got it under control. You don't need to stop the car, Pop.

Everything's fine. Don't get out of the car.

Everything is not fine!

A man just ran out of your house, almost dents my Imperial.

You don't have a goddamn thing

- under control. - I hate you!

I used to think Ma left you 'cause you beat her.

But it's really 'cause you a fucking loser!

- Hey, genius. - What the fuck is going on?

Your mother left you, too, huh? You ever think about that?

She left all of us.

- Fuck you! - Fuck you, fuck me, fuck you, yeah.

Hey, son, you're gonna let her talk to you like that?

- Pop, go in the goddamn house! - Shut up!

- I got this under control! - For Christ's...

It ain't under control. And stop using the F-word.

Ray. Stay out of it.

Looks like Richard's having a bad day.

No, Ma, I'm not having a bad day.

I'm having a great fucking day, as a matter of fact.

My son and I walked into the lion's den this morning,

and walked out with the Golden Fleece.

Ain't that right, Ricky?

- That's right. - That's right.

You're pathetic! Both of you!

Hey, put some clothes on, will you? We're going for custard!

- Richard? - Yeah, Ma. What, Ma?

- Help your father with the groceries. - "Golden Fleece"?

Will you tell me what the fuck that means?

I don't understand what he says sometimes.

These for the AKs?

Yep.

Why you waste your time on them?

Say, you pull through the drive-through and you order a burger, right?

Little girl in the paper hat,

first thing she says to you is, "Do you want fries with that?"

Now, you didn't pull in wanting fries,

but now that she's planted the idea in your head, you think,

"Well, God damn! A burger just don't taste right without fries, right?"

The next thing you know, you find yourself

handing out your hard-earned dollars to buy some fries

that the little girl in the paper hat ordered for you.

Now, what'd she just do to you?

She just up sold your ass.

So, you see, the burger is like the AK.

But the silencer, that's the fries.

All's we got to do,

is make them believe that they can't have one without the other.

Rick.

Baby. Wake up.

Dawn. What's going on?

- I'm leaving. - Leaving? What?

Here the number, in case you need it.

- Don't go giving it to Dad. - It's Ty's, isn't it?

Ty ain't got shit, Dawn.

You know he's a fucking lowlife.

What do you think Dad is, Ricky?

Yeah.

Yo. Hey, yo, Ricky.

- What's up? - Yo, Rick.

What you need? What you need?

Just want to talk to Johnny and them.

Johnny! Hey, John!

- What up? - Fuck you want, white boy?

Look, I'm just trying to do a little bit of business.

Y'all know who my dad is, right?

Y'all know what he sell?

You think we give a fuck about who your daddy is, Opie?

Yeah, I know what your daddy sell.

Hey, y'all get a pop, or something. Run, don't walk.

Don't get shy now, baby. You here. Come with it.

Mmm-hmm.

Let's see.

- How much? - $100. Both.

- Boo'll hit you off. - You want some fries with that?

Man, these AKs are special. And if you want to trick 'em out...

Screw straight on, pre-threaded, aircraft-grade aluminum.

This got 15 baffles each.

This shit full-on James Bond shit right here.

Look, I ain't gonna lie to y'all.

- Cheap, they ain't. - "Cheap"?

Let me tell you who I ain't. Your broke-ass daddy.

Who I is, is the nigga that run this shit, you understand?

I know who you are.

- What you said your name was? - Rick.

A'ight, White Boy Rick. What you want for this James Bond shit?

$1,500 each.

I could do $1,000, seeing y'all are new customers and all.

Sold. Pay the man.

Come on, boy.

Excuse me.

You got some balls coming here like you did, boy.

You either stupid, or crazy.

Here. Hope you got you a girl,

'cause you about to do some serious fucking tonight.

You should come by the Skate and Roll sometime, but not like this.

Look like you robbed a fucking Kmart, or something.

A'ight. Cool.