The Visitors II: The Corridors of Time

THE CORRIDORS OF TIME

In the year 1123, men were valiant.

Wizards ruled over the forests

with magic spells, potions and remedies.

Godefroy, Count of Montmirail, returned from war

with his squire, Jacquasse the Crass.

He rushed to his betrothed, sweet Frenegonde.

Bewitched by a wicked witch,

he mistook Frenegonde's father from a bear

and slew him with an arrow.

Deserted by Frenegonde,

Godefroy consulted the wizard Eusabius,

who tried sending Godefroy through the Corridors of Time

to the moment before the accident.

But the wizard goofed.

He thrust our heroes into the 20th century.

The psychos!

Look at the bums!

Godefroy met his descendant, Béatrice de Montmirail.

She mistook him for her cousin Hubert,

who has the ancestral nose.

But Jacquart, Jacquasse's descendant,

denied any link with such an oaf.

Jacquasse and Godefroy met Ginette,

a hobo who mistook them for stuntmen.

But Béatrice wrongly assumed that Ginette also came

from the Middle Ages.

Before Godefroy returned to the past,

he locked up Sergeant Gibbon and sedated him.

He managed to prevent his future father-in-law's death.

But Jacquasse did something dumb.

He stole the Duke's jewels

and hid them in a statue.

By taking them into the future,

and sending Jacquart back to the past

in the coat Ginette had bought for him,

Jacquasse the Crass has left

the Corridors of Time wide open.

Out of my way!

Cousin Hubert! What's going on here?

Where the hell am I?

Sire! The Crass obeys you not. He flees.

Let me drag him back by his ball-sack.

He is thrilled to be home.

Let him drink the tavern dry.

He'll return soon after.

No network! What a great buy!

It's ice-cold here!

Daughter, you will not wed Count Godefroy.

His subjects are thieves.

Jewel thieves!

How can it be?

I had them this morning.

Now they're gone, as if by magic!

A spell was cast on me!

Relax thyself. I will investigate. If thief there be, he will hang!

Among the stolen family jewels is our Holy Relic.

The sacred tooth!

All that remained of Saint Rolande after Caesar's lions devoured her.

It brings fertility!

Woe to my daughter

if she is without it at her wedding!

She will be sterile!

I vow to find the sacred tooth, even if Hell awaits me.

My faith is in thee!

Loyal lady!

Find the relic before the new moon

or it will be paid for in blood.

Damned this icy land of yours! August approaches,

and we freeze!

What ails thee?

Sire!

Why are you here, Eusabius?

You're back safe and sound?

Indeed.

Your squire too? All is back to normal?

While he drinks, someone swiped the Duke's jewels.

My crystal balls are cloudy.

My potions boil over! I'm scared!

Go now. I will call you when I need you.

It is as if the Corridors of Time were still open!

Strange dogs!

Nice doggies…

They look like wolves.

I don't believe it! They are wolves!

Wolves in the woods!

Unbelievable!

Hello, sir. Call the police!

Circus animals are running loose in the woods!

It's horrific!

Look at me, man!

What bad breath! It's like a septic tank!

He looks like Jacquasse the Crass!

He's far too dainty!

Maybe he seduced a foreign princess!

He's handsomely dressed

and so cute!

You're crazy!

Get your hairy hands off me, ass breath!

Holy scrotum! Catch him!

Out of my way!

Stop him!

If he flees, he must be guilty!

That hurts! Let go!

Hands off!

Grand Inquisitor, look!

Monks?

Hey! Grand Guru! Head Honcho!

Let me go and I'll keep quiet.

Just call me a taxi.

Confess and die in peace.

Look! A little catapult!

Stand back!

It's not mine!

I was drugged and put in these stupid clothes!

The stake! Fire will purge him!

It's a toy! It's Jacquasse's!

Burn him!

It's a cow moo! What do you have against cows?

Hurry, my love!

My father has boils. He vomiteth pus.

The Relic!

Have you found the Relic

of Saint Rolande?

He is possessed. We need an exorcist!

We found Jacquasse! The Inquisitor wants to burn him!

My Jacquasse?

What's this scuzz?

Hey there, Big Cheese!

Let me join your sect and send you

a big fat check!

Abandon Satan and die forgiven.

Do you speak French?

Won't you take my check?

Put that tuna down, okay?

Okayyy!

No touching the fish!

Wondrous codpieces!

Our salesgirls are happy to serve you.

Mighty meats!

- Keep your cod! - So get out!

Okay?

Lady Ginette!

Juicy beans and a big fat sausage!

It's locked inside! Thievery!

Stop shaking the bean stew!

Give it to me!

You'll break it!

My shoes!

Eat this!

- What's that? - To make bread!

Good riddance! We don't want your kind here!

Bums!

These hurt!

- Open your window! - I prefer my bootlets!

It's vile!

- I smell nothing. - It reeks!

They reek not!

Long live the Count!

You're making a big boo-boo!

It's warming up!

There's Cousin Hubert!

I am the Count.

How dare you burn him on my land?

The life and death of my serfs is my affair.

Destroying Satan is mine.

He is my loyal servant, Jacquasse.

Explain the satanic noise this box makes.

Yes? I'm waiting.

I'm getting hot!

I've had enough!

If he sinned, he will be punished.

But I'll attend the trial. Obey the law.

We'll interrogate him in your castle.

It won't take long.

I dislike your manners.

And I, yours.

While you yak away, I'm burning!

About time!

What is this madhouse? Who are these crazies?

Holy scrotums! Jacquasse's descendant!

I'm not his descendant at all!

Take me to the hotel. I'm calling the police chief!

Believe me, heads will roll!

Keep quiet, peasant,

or you will die.

I want him in irons and shackles.

I agree! Gag him too!

What the hell?

Honey for my gullet!

It's chocolate, not honey!

10 Crunch Bars in 5 minutes! You'll be sick as a dog!

Crunch! Chocolate! Long live chocolate!

- Let me steer! - Got a license?

Here, drive.

Careful, dummy, or we'll bite the dust!

You're zigzagging, buddy!

Keep cool, baby. Cool!

You're a real ace!

My turn now.