Ladies Up

Hello!

- Hello. - Hi.

- Good evening, everyone. - Good evening.

My name is Prashasti,

uh, and I'm 32, okay?

It's not a joke.

I had lots of dreams in my life.

This "32" was never one of them, okay?

Still,

I'm learning to make my peace with it. Hm?

Because in today's world,

we have examples of women

like, like, Meghan Markle,

or Amal Clooney, or Priyanka Chopra, right?

They proved that if a woman wants to be successful, then age, race,

background doesn't matter, right?

As long as she has a sexy figure.

So, guys...

as you can see...

I'm completely committed...

to my hotness.

This gentleman here is not convinced.

Sir...

uh, this is the peak of my hotness.

I'm not gonna get better than this.

Hmm?

I will have to be reborn to impress him.

I've been living outside of UP for about 15 years now, okay,

for education, for work,

but I'm still very attached to it.

So attached that people ask me, "How are you still so attached to it?"

And I'm like, "Please go and invest in real estate there

and see for yourself."

I'm not joking. Try to invest in at least 400 square feet.

And if you do that, from the next day on, you'll become a typical rowdy.

Subramanyam Babu."

I'm telling you, this whole property thing gives you a lot of perspective, okay?

Yes, I'm a big fan of Mr. Ravish Kumar, hm?

I think you know that he's still reading the news on NDTV.

I'm like, I admire this man's commitment.

Despite the fact that he's a very senior journalist,

he is continuously working in the field in search of real news stories.

Now I understand that...

in his youth, even he did the same wrong things that I did.

He must have some real estate property between Darbhanga and Patna.

Even he was duped into thinking that Bihar would have its own Silicon Valley.

"We'll buy it now at a real low price and sell it at a very high price later.

We'll become Richie Rich."

He was fooled.

I think that's why he's so motivated to be reporting on missing roads,

missing colleges,

and questioning the authorities about people's problems.

But I have no reasons to crib, okay? I have...

I've been living in Mumbai for about five years now, okay,

and Mumbai, of course, feels like home, yeah?

Because, uh, practically everyone from home is here, right?

Because from a street vendor to a pimp, they all belong to my community.

It's like we're ruling the streets.

I quit my job to do stand-up full time about six months back,

and people have been asking me, "Prashasti,

why are you doing this stand-up thing at this age?

Now what do your parents have to say about it?"

Which broadly translates to,

"Why are you trying to be cool in your middle age?

Why isn't anyone forcing you to get married?"

And I'm like, "What kind of a shitty prejudice is this?"

This is what progressive parents want nowadays, right,

that their daughter will move to the city and get an education

and become responsible and successful, right?

And then she could do stand-up.

But very honestly, my cousins back home are really proud of me.

Okay? They're like, "Our sister is so very empowered.

So much.

Like, our sister is so smart now,

so smart that she shares her opinion on Twitter

before even understanding the real issue.

She's so bold, so bold...

that if anyone messages her with things like a dick pic,

she replies to them with a link of her next show.

Uh-huh.

Like, 'Please come and bring a friend along.'

And she will roast both of you from the stage.

Our sister feels so complete that she doesn't need a companion.

She logs in to all the five profiles on Netflix by herself.

Comedy, thriller, nursery rhymes.

Her life is wholesome in every way."

My mother is also very supportive of my choices, uh, on Facebook.

So I released this video, okay, where I'm talking about my misadventures

with casual sex, okay,

and my mother shares it, okay.

But not just the way it is.

She shares it with three lines of self-written poetry.

Which I can still remember verbatim.

Of course, I'd like to recite it in front of you.

Uh-huh.

This was the poem, hm?

Our doll

We don't know when she became Prashasti

Hm?

Every direction is echoing with her name

Keep having this kind of fun, my child

I was like, "Mom,

did you even watch the video?"

And she replied, "Forget that. Did you see the rhyme scheme for this poem?

I've rhymed it so well.

I already got 131 likes for it. Huh?

Mr. Pandey commented that all the credit goes to her mother's guidance."

So, clearly, her online support is not a problem at all, okay?

But offline, they suck the life out of me, huh?

The last time I was at home, she was like, "Look at this.

I'm like, "Fuck!

Who do I feel bad for?

For this matrimonial app whose database is exhausted,

or for this Mr. Saurav Somvanshi...

whom the entire world has ignored?"

But she doesn't give up there, okay?

After a few days, she calls me again. She's like, "Listen...

if you got married to some Muslim boy,

then let us know, hm?

We will quietly accept that as well."

I was like, "Mom, what kind of world are you living in, huh?

Do you not watch the news, huh?

After the victory of the right-wing majority,

even I won't think of making that mistake.

I love my life very much."

And finally, she calls a few days back, okay, desperately, like, "Listen,

time is running out.

You should try this Timber thing.

Log on to it, and mention 'Wanted: Kshatriya boy only.

Bharadwaj gotra boys, please don't apply.'

Since they are considered to be like our brothers."

What can we do if they are considered to be our brothers?

So, I went on this app, okay?

And in this coal mine, I found myself a diamond.