The Roommates

Beth, listen to this,

"Women, tighten your chastity belt

and show this sex animal called man

that you are not objects of pleasure.

That sex is not a man's basic right.

There is trouble beyond the valley of the dolls.

Girls unite.

Join the sexual revolution and be free."

Yeah, free and lonely.

Free and lonely is right.

All those women-libers where are they from,

it must be the Victorian age.

They're so anti-fun.

I mean, I believe women should have basic rights

like 60% for women, 30% for men

and 10% for the other kind.

I don't want to be equal.

Who wants to compete with men

I have a hard enough time competing with women.

Yeah, but Beth you have to understand,

you are the classic example of what a doll should look like.

God, you're well-built, you're well-seasoned,

reasonably bright.

What do you mean reasonably bright?

Girl, I mean, reasonable enough to know

that it's all right being a wife doll mate,

but housekeeping, oh, that's absolutely unnatural.

Girl, you could die at 40 from ajax poisoning.

Yeah, but think of all the lovin' up to there.

Oh, you and you're lovin'.

I mean, an ever-loving man can't be all bad.

They're not.

An ever-lovin' man is good! He's very good!

Especially when he's got his arms around

an ever-loving woman.

You know what that result is, hmm,

they make the most beautiful Quincy Jones music together

you have ever heard.

...Our bodies are all we got, really.

We shouldn't force feed ourselves with a bunch of pills

and instant gook. We should be... natural.

Uh-huh.

We should just bare our breasts to the wind

and let nature take its course, right?

Heather, come on.

I'm really serious.

Oh Brea, you know you're really a beautiful person.

And I'm sure that when you graduate medical school

you're going to save mankind.

It's just that I have different plans for my fellow man.

I don't want to save mankind, I just want to serve him.

Well, let me put it this way,

consider the possibilities of getting mankind to serve you.

...I like that.

So, I first met this guy,

in one of my psychology classes

and believe me it was real cool

until I found out he was married.

How did you find that out?

Oh, he invited me to have lunch with him one day,

he said he had somebody he wanted me to meet.

And so we went over to the Student Union

and I met this sophomore model-type,

you know, with the long black hair down to here,

smokes Camel cigarettes.

Oh, Mr. Nice Guy's wife, huh?

Yeah.

And after they sprung for a 35-cent hotdog

and a 15-cent Coke,

they invited me to have group sex.

Oh, come on, the other-lovin' couples bit?

Right.

Except the way they put it.

They felt that it would be an exceptional experience.

Well, orgy's certainly have come a long way.

Hey.

Hey, how about a group sex clinic for people with hang-ups.

I mean, we could answer all the forbidden questions,

like, "Do I have to be over sexed to participate?"

"Is it expensive? Can anyone join?"

"What kind of people will I meet?"

"Will it interfere with my religious beliefs?"

"Is it likely to wear me out or shorten my sex life?"

Or...

"Are you sure you can keep a secret?"

You know, I've decided,

I'm really a purist conservationist.

Really? I always thought you are a liberal.

Well, I am politically.

But I'm against everything.

Everything?

Yeah, in the wilderness. You know, super highways,

campground, ski lifts,

restaurants, hotdog stands,

giant parking lots and plush resorts.

Well, I guess, I'm just for satin sheets and dry martinis

and paid vacations and lots of room service.

No, Heather, I mean, nature's natural beauty

shouldn't be commercially exploited.

We shouldn't rape the landscape.

I don't want to rape anyone!

You know, I once read this book about backpacking

in the wilderness with a buddy.

Male or female?

It doesn't make any difference. It's the experience that counts.

You know, you may be right.

I haven't given any thought to the experience.

I only thought it was important who you were with

and where you were seen doing it.

I guess I've just been too busy having a good time.

Nothing wrong with having a good time.

No.

Or maybe there is when you try too hard.

Come on, we're going to be late.

Hey, I got it.

I got the job.

Hey, man, that's great.

Beautiful.

Would you look at who's going to be mother goose to 300 boys?

Just think of it, Brea, your own farm system.

Listen Brea, you better watch your step.

I hear those little monsters

burned their last counselor at the stake.

Oh, come on, it's going to be a great summer,

we'll all be up there together.

And Lake Arrowhead won't be the same when we're through with it.

Hey, listen, you're all invited to stay at my place.

Sorry, the beautiful camp Wanachee

has arranged for my own private pup tent.

I even get time off for good behavior.

And we have a wholesome threesome going,

Carla, Nick and I.

Who is Nick?

Ah, he's some guy I picked up on.

Sort of a cross between Truman Capote

and Steve McQueen.

And he also happens to be the ski instructor up at the lake.

So you see, we're all set.

Anyway, you have a whole house full of relatives.

Uh-hmm, just one.

I'm babysitting for my little cousin this summer.

I haven't seen her in ages.

Yeah. Well, while you're warming her milk

and tucking her into bed each night,

you just think about your closest friend

in the arms of some, uhmp, dynamite cat.

Having her body caressed with kisses.

Letting out cries of ecstasy! And moans!

Oh, let's hear it for the moans of delight.

Wishing all the time you were there.

Some friend.

What are friends for if we can't even discuss sex.

Sex is a biological urge, triggered by hormones,

secreted by your glands.

Oh, that's beautiful, Brea.

Really romantic.

And sex can be demonstrated, categorized,

identified, measured, promoted like popcorn or mouthwash,

but while we are making love...

Commonly called "having sex."

We shall not forget our best friend's loneliness.

I know.

We'll write her name in men's rooms.

Or, how about a big sign to read, "Last girl before freeway."

Oh yeah.

Well, listen gang, if I get too lonely,

I can always advertise in Playboy.

- Playboy? - Playboy?

- Hi. - Hi.

I think you really got to settle something for me.

Like what?

Well, my friend, Warren,

I bet him that anybody as beautiful as you

had to be some sort of a celebrity.

Uh-hmm. What did Warren say?

He said any girl with a fantastic body like yours

had to be an athlete.

Uh-hmm.

I've led a very sheltered childhood.

My name is Larry. Larry Gordon.

Heather Brent.

I'm sorry you lost your bet.

It was worth it. I met you, didn't I?

- Dance? - Okay.

- Hi. - Hi.

Where's the action?

I don't know yet.

Hey listen, have you seen Brea?

Oh, Brea! I'd like to see Brea

lying naked on an oriental rug with her arms reaching out

for my passionate, throbbing body.

Andy.

No, I haven't seen her.

Do you want a drink?

Yeah, thanks.

Hmm.

Closer.

You know, I'm worried about you, Andy.

Do you ever think of anything but sex?

No, I don't think so.