Key & Peele

These allegations that I have sent inappropriate pictures

over the Internet are completely ridiculous.

They are levied by my political rivals

who are trying to embarrass me and advance their own agenda.

So let me be perfectly clear.

These allegations are false.

I will be vindicated.

Okay, please, questions.

Senator, senator.

TMZ has obtained an actual photo of your genitalia.

They're posting it to their website as we speak.

They're saying you took it.

How do you respond?

Hmm? Okay.

I may have sent one photo of my genitalia.

- All right? Senator, senator!

Okay, but I assure you that's an isolated incident.

It was a one-time thing. Okay?

- Yes. Mark? - Senator,

what about the new report

that there are three new pictures

having been sent to three different women?

That's not a one-time thing. That's a lot of--

What second-rate news organization is trying to--

New York Times.

Oh...oh...

O-- It was-- It was four total.

No more. That was it.

It was just-- It was four, and no more.

Questions? Yes, Amy.

Yes, you are sure that there were only four photos sent?

That's it. Four. That's all.

There's no more than four.

Then how do you explain the one you sent me?

What?

Everybody please, please.

I'm begging you.

I'm begging you to forgive me for the foibles

and transgressions.

It was the reckless act of a younger man.

A younger man? You sent it two seconds

before you stepped on stage.

Senator, senator, that's very recent.

Yeah, Amy,

last time I checked, time is still real, okay?

So, technically speaking...

I am much older now than I was

all of those seconds ago.

- Did I just-- - Are you guys--

- Oh, my God, yeah. - What?

- What's happening right now? - I just got one.

Senator, how are you even doing this?

You have no proof that I am doing anything--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry again.

I'm sorry again.

I'm sorry one more time.

Oh, wait a second.

You can do it, but I can't do it?

Get in there, get in there.

Oh!

- So we're good friends, right? - Mm-hmm.

So if you found out

that I had killed somebody...

Mm hmm.

Would you snitch?

No.

Clearly, you would snitch.

You would go straight to the fuzz.

Is the word "murder" with two Rs?

Okay.

First things first.

I do not care that you're

a multi-platinum selling rapper, Gun Rack.

What I care about is that I, 100%,

know that you murdered Darnell Simmons.

So, you better start talking.

Yeah, but you ain't got nothing.

Oh. Uh, you know,

I'm actually, I'm very glad that you said that.

Because I-- respectfully, I beg to differ.

(hip hop music on tape player)

That don't mean nothing.

I got a vivid imagination.

I couldn't have shot Darnell.

I was at my cousin's birthday party.

Red Lobster, November 9th.

- At Red Lobster? - Mm-hmm.

Geez, I got to tell you, Gun Rack,

I find that really hard to believe.

Just confess, Gun Rack.

I confess that "shellfish" is the only thing

that rhymes with "tell this".

It's just words, Detective.

Nouns, adjectives.

That just happen to be in a dope order.

But...you ain't got no proof.

I have no idea what that object is.

- I don't-- - If I had to identify it,

I would call it a gun of the long-ass variety.

Some seaweed in there, too. Look, Detective.

I hate to break it to you.

I ain't kill nobody.

The name of the album is I Killed Darnell Simmons.

- It's a concept album. - A concept--

That's a picture of you.

A picture of you, and behind you is Darnell Simmons's body!

Coincidence.

You're going away for a long time, you understand?

You're gonna confess if it's the last thing you ever do,

you hear me, Gun Rack? I'll beat it out of you.

- Joe. - I'll beat it out of you.

Joe!

He's free to go.

What? No. No, no, no, no, no.

We have everything we need.

No, it was Simmons's girlfriend.

She just confessed to the whole thing.

Infidelity. Crime of passion.

Let's go, Mr. Rack.

Bonus track, bonus track.

You got me, you got me.

Yes. Whoa, whoa. Damn. Ow, ow!

Oh, please don't say anything.

Please just keep it to yourself, whatever--

Oh. Thought you had an idea.

I do.

- We need to make an app. - Like, for a smartphone?

An app that all the people

could download and then we make millions.

It's just, that 's hard to come up with, man.

It's like catching lightning in a bottle.

I already got that.

You got what?

Lightning in a bottle.

Really, what's the idea?

No, no idea.

I got actual lightning in a bottle.

No, Levi.

That's just a phrase.

I got that, dog.

Lightning in a bottle. Blip.

That's crazy, son. Where'd you get that?

Some old Chinese man sold it to me years ago.

I mean, that's some supernatural , man.

Nah, man.

All it does is this.

Oh, !

Oh, the lightning!

Oh!

I got it.

But seriously, man.

Would it be like an app that reminds you

when your favorite television shows are on?

No. It--we got to address this crazy-ass bottle that you got.

What bottle?

, what bottle?

The bottle with the lightning in it.

Are you still on that?

Yes. How does it work?

Cedric, I don't know.

It's the classic lightning in the bottle gag.

Classic li--

You just open it up--

Oh! Oh!

Lightning in the house! Lightning in the room!

Okay, you know what?

- You shouldn't have this. - What?

This -- This belongs to

the military or something.

But that app, though.

No. We don't need the app.

You've got the goose that laid the golden egg.