Social Distance

- He's on me. I got him. - I got hit.

All right. I got you.

You're all healed up.

-Got eyes on him? -They're lurking. Any second now.

What the fuck?

I'm coming for you.

- Yeah! - Holy shit, Mia! You're a god.

That was crack. She totally saved your ass, Jake.

- I got lucky. - Yo, stop cappin'.

- Jake got lucky. - Caught with his pants down.

- Like Mr. Stevens in faculty lounge. - That was a rumor.

- Dinopi saw it. - Dinopi is full of shit.

Focus. Game ain't over yet.

- Shit! She iced me. - I got you, Mia.

- It's high noon! - Thanks.

Did you use your ult to kill one player?

- Wow! - What a dumpster.

- Boy's a simp! - Yo, he was white-knighting Mia.

-No, he didn't. -No, I didn't.

Hey, your simp sauce is dripping from the trees, Jake.

Can I get a simp cocktail, please, with a side of simp fried rice?

Burn!

- Group up, dickbags. One left. - I see him.

What?! Oh, my God!

-That was incredible, Mia. -Wow!

-Great game, Mia! -Aww, thanks.

Wait till we post that. Our channel is gonna be litty city.

All right. I'm finna dip.

My parents are making me go outside for no reason.

-Okay, later Homo Simpson. -Eat a dick.

Bye, Jake.

"Um… Bye, Jake."

Why are you the worst?

Dude, he white-knighted you. Are you not, like, literally dying?

No, he didn't.

Yeah. Yes, yes, he did.

He clearly has a crush on you. It's so obvi.

He has a girlfriend.

Um, you clearly have not seen his Instagram story today.

You're the worst stalker I've ever met.

It's been on Insta for an hour.

I knew something was up.

His shots were really off today.

I heard him tell Lee it was because she convinced her parents

to let him come over during quar, and then he decided to stay home and game.

Duh, does she not know he's trying to get signed?

She's like a VSCO girl. Like, she's too busy, like, saving the turtles.

Your E-girl is showing.

The point is that he's single now, and he's clearly in love with you.

He doesn't see me like that. We're teammates.

I'm sure he's only into white girls.

Come on, Mia.

You spent months learning how to play as a supporting character

so Jake would let us on his team because you were obsessed with him.

And now he's single,

and he's simping for you, and you're too shook to do anything.

Like, are you even the main character right now?

Why do you even care?

Because after all the hours I spent listening to you talk about him,

I ship you guys.

Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do?

Post a cute selfie or like a challenge or something?

I mean Kennedy Moran is always posting selfies on TikTok,

and Jake is all up in her comments.

I am not doing that.

Why not?

Because I'm gross and no one wants to see me dancing.

You're not gross, Mia.

-Well, I don't look like that. -What? Like a super try-hard?

Besides, you're a way better dancer than her anyway.

Do you remember Rachel Limanski's Bat Mitzvah?

That was because I had Red Bull.

Anyway, if my mom found out I posted a dance challenge, she would kill me.

Fine.

Then do some fucking sleuthing, figure out how to get his attention.

Okay, I need to go sell my turnips. Call me later.

How-- how do they do that?

"Best of the best."

Hi, Mom.

Pumpkin, are you hungry?

I'll pick up dinner on the way home.

No, thanks. I had some Pockys.

That's no dinner. That's not even food!

Have you finished your homework?

Almost.

Well, stop messing around on the Internet and finish,

otherwise I'm unplugging it.

Okay. I will.

I'll be home in a bit.

Bro, what the hell did you just post? Are you, like, a sports dude now?

Jake just messaged me.

What?!

Yeah!

What-- what did he say? What did he say?

"Didn't know you fucked with Messi."

Yeah, neither did I. So, here we are.

Because I don't. I only posted that to get his attention like you said.

-I didn't think it would actually work. -What are you gonna say?

I don't know. I don't know anything about soccer!

First of all, start calling it "football."

Second of all, you have to say something.

Okay. Uh…

"Hundo P. He's my fave."

What's he saying?

Something about Ronald.

Who's Ronald?

Like I would know? Google it.

"They should check the scoreboards.

The numbers speak for themselves."

"Duh. His flow is fire.

Low-key best rapper alive in my opinion."

Can you, like, share your screen or something? Because I'm dying over here.

He just asked for my Snap.

Are you shitting me? Oh, my God.

"It's Mia Mario."

Oh, my God, he's snapping me. I need to focus. I'll call you back.

No, no. I need details. You know I--

Hey.

Hey. LOL.

Check it.

Drip, drip, Messi kid.

That's so fire.

I know. My mom got it for me.

She's worried I'm gonna be depressed. LOL.

Why?

I guess because there's no school,

and we're trapped, and people are dying. LOL.

Everything's very depressing right now.

Just kidding. To be honest, I'm not depressed at all.

I'm actually glad school's canceled. I need the time to practice.

True.

Great game today, by the way.

You too.

You've improved. A lot.

Thank you.

So do you think we'll qualify for the tournament?

Question mark.

Okay. Bye, LOL.