The Office

I'm not picking on you at all.

You're English, correct?

Yeah, big time, yeah.

I'm working on an English character.

Would you mind gi...

it's called Reginald Pooftah.

David Brent, my liege. How are you?

- Michael Scott. - Oh, there you go.

I do characters as well.

I got a Chinese fella.

He's called ho me.

That's what it sounds like.

- Herrow! Herrow! - I do ping.

Herrow. I ping.

You can't do that these days. You can't.

No, no, no. And people don't understand

that it has nothing to do with making fun

of a different nationality.

No, no, no.

No, comedy is a place where the mind goes

to tickle itself.

That's what she said.

That's good. Pleasure to meet you.

- Where are you working? - Dunder Mifflin.

- Any jobs now? - No, not right now.

- Just let me know. - All right.

All right. See ya around.

Bye-bye.

What a nice guy.

Your first student is here,

mister Bernard.

That's actually "master of ceremonies" Bernard.

Last year, I went to a seminar

called "the ten secrets of real estate."

Turns out it was just a ploy

to sell me time-shares in Idaho.

Cut to, you know, I'm spending a weekend in Boise,

terrible time, super lonely.

But I get to thinking

maybe I should put on my own seminar

to lure clients.

Oh, it's...

Hello, I am here

for the small business seminar.

Michael?

Neii'm Greek!

My name is Mikanos.

Wait, Michael?

Michael? Okay.

I am the plant.

Every great seminar has one.

My job is to make the speaker look good,

and I do this through the techniques

of leading questions

and laughing at all jokes.

And the character, Mikanos,

is just a little added Flava.

Mikanos is loosely based on another character I do, Spiros,

who is more about the ladies.

Thank you so much, tuna Turner.

You are simply the best.

Listen, this isn't a favor, all right?

This is a good idea. We all win.

Go higher.

I get super flexible when I'm nervous.

Wow.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Hey, Andy, I'm really, really sorry to do this to you,

but I have a meeting today

that I totally forgot,

so I can't be a part of this seminar.

No. What?

You can't do that.

You are a critical part of this seminar.

You're the charming warm-up guy. - I know.

- If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche.

You, like, signal the flavors of the whole night.

I'm really sorry. I can't do it

you can't. You can't.

I can't have this go badly.

I'm a terrible salesman,

and I haven't been making very many sales lately,

or ever.

This is my only idea on how to turn things around.

If it goes badly, I might lose my job,

which would suck, because this is

the only job I've ever been good at.

Will you let me know

when this whole seminar thing's over?

What's going on? Do you know that guy?

I just have a meeting, uh, outside the office.

Hey.

How are the marks?

What are some of your small business ideas?

I was thinking we could buy up

a bunch of abandoned mineshafts.

That's great.

There's a big, big future in that.

A lot of mines in Scranton.

Um, what about you?

- Uh, credit cards. - Uh-huh.

My company will act as an intermedium

for, like, 0.2 cents off every transaction.

Wow!

Or something with cell phones,

like, every time you make a phone call,

I'd make 0.2 cents.

Or anything... like, any online shopping,

I get .2 cents basically. Right.

Okay? Okay. Great.

You promised us whales. These are worms.

They're not worms, Dwight, okay?

They're just people with tiny businesses.

They're baby whales, which is even cuter.

I'm out.

Stanley, you're supposed to close.

I'm out, too.

What?

I already lost Jim.

Salesmen are supposed to help each other out.

We're supposed to be a team.

We're no more a team

than the people staying in the same hotel are a team.

You know what might be kind of fun?

I was thinking, you know Andy's having a seminar today?

What if we went in as a Greek couple?

Mikanos and...

Oh, I don't know, Michael. I'm not feeling up to that.

Okay.

Holly broke up with a.J. Last week,

which is the greatest thing

that has ever happened... To me.

To Holly, it's been the worst week of her life,

and I know for a fact

that there was a week for her in High School

when she got mono and her first period ever.

Too much information?

That's what I thought.

But you know what?

Here I am using it.

If-a you change-a you mind,

why don't you talk to mikanos?

Is mikanos Greek? He sounds Italian.

Ugh. You're the fifth person to tell me that today.

Maybe mikanos ran away to join the Italian circus.

Okay, yeah, like a character history.

Good. Tom Hanks does that.

Down...There.

Is "JLP" a word?

"Jelp"? J-e-l-p?

No, j-l-p.

Like, "I JLP... I JLP you!"

I don't think that's a word.

I'm playing scrabble with Gabe,

and I've never won a game.

The winner gets to pick the movie we watch.

I have won no games.

So far I've seen the shining,

Rosemary's baby,

the ring.

Not really my thing.

Although, I...

I do like the early parts of the movies

where they have a perfect family and everything.

You want some help?

Really?

Yes.

K-a. "Ka"?

What does "ka" mean?

It means you're playing someone

who's going to destroy you.

Why did you play "moo"?

Because I'm playing to win.

I'm playing "moo," I'm playing "milk,

whatever it takes.

Okay, but look, you could have hit "mood."

Would have played a... Uh!

A triple word.

Like the cow mood yesterday.

God.

Or moon.

The cow jumped over the moon.

No, it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?

Kevin, Jim dropped out of my seminar,

and I'm just...

I was wondering if you could replace him

as my charming warm-up guy.

Andy, I'm no Jim.

The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version

when Jim sees what his future would be like

if he never met Pam.

Hey, that's crazy talk.

I think you're great.

Then I won't let you down.

- Cake. - In you go.

Hi, Ryan, you went to business school, right?

- Yeah. - I need someone

to talk to this seminar about business.

- And? - Can you do it?

Okay. I don't... I don't like committing to things