Third Wheel

You know that girl?

- Which girl? - Her.

She came to your house before work.

Why?

I don't know man, she was just stopping by.

Did you know she had a boyfriend?

And you thought that was okay?

She didn't seem to have a problem with it.

Fuck you!

Did you have sex with my girlfriend?

Look man,

I've been in your shoes before.

Is she gone?

What the fuck, Ray?

-I hate you. -Surprise.

Baby, what do you want for our anniversary?

My own bathroom.

Anything else?

Save that for later, I'll be back.

-What's up, Bird? -Hey, sorry I'm late.

Let me just step into my office.

No, no, no, you come in here late,

you spend 45 fucking minutes in there,

smells like shit.

Can't you read?

Since when?

Since the fucking moose out front should have told you.

"Moose out front should have told you."

The fuck's up his ass?

He's just pissed your dad's got to babysit again.

I told dad a million times, I got this.

How is mother and the old man?

You know, they ain't bitching, ain't breathing.

Yeah, well, maybe it's time to move out.

You're kidding me, I'm actually losing money here.

Hey, can I borrow a couple bucks?

Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?

Yeah, I got to pay ass face over here.

I don't give a fuck.

-Blue dog, help me out. -What's wrong with your wallet?

It's broken.

- Makes sense to me. - Shut the fuck up.

Maybe if you quit gambling on youth intramurals

and drinking your tip money away,

you'd save more.

Yeah, but what's the point of working at a gas station

if you don't fill up for free?

You know what?

Suit yourself.

So, what's Cecilia up to anyway?

Her and Coco are having a girls' day.

-Does anybody work these days? -Yeah, what's your excuse?

The fuck you think I'm doing?

Motherfucker.

Good work.

-Coco's hot. -She's got a boyfriend.

-Who, the Spaniard? -Yeah.

Has anyone actually met-- Has Coco met this fucking guy?

Yes, they met while she was studying abroad.

Cecilia's met him a few times, cool guy, I guess.

He is moving in, eventually.

And they've been doing long-distance,

I mean, what's the point of fucking long-distance,

you're just sexually depriving yourself.

The fuck we talking about again?

Cecilia and her girlfriend bumping uglies.

Wait, wait, lesbians, who's a lesbian?

No, don't you have somewhere to be?

Shit, I wouldn't be surprised.

I mean all these girls are fucking freaks.

Since every girl I've been with

has literally beaten the shit out of me.

Ah!

Back to work.

"Axe wax."

Is this for your balls or your asshole?

It's for all three.

All three?

I can do...

Thank you. Pull hard.

I don't know how you drink that shit,

but I gotta say, I love lesbians.

They have so much energy.

It's a good stance, Mark.

Get the fuck out of here.

-Hey. -Hey.

-What's in the bag? -Where is everybody?

Uh, Coco left.

I don't know where Cecilia's at.

She's working.

Using my computer?

Oh, yeah, for a few minutes, give or take.

It's dead.

You just come over here to whack off?

You know my girlfriend lives here, right?

-Yeah, I waited until she left. -I appreciate that.

I mean, come on, man.

You know what it's like at home.

Mom has a sixth sense

for knowing when I'm whacking off.

Oh, grab me a beer on the way back.

Okay.

Okay--

Hey, Fucko, how about that beer?

Can you look at these,

I don't know what I'm looking at.

What am I looking at?

-They're texts from Cecilia. -What, to you?

No.

Who the hell's Trevor?

I don't know, I thought maybe a gay best friend.

She's been going to his house a lot, before work and shit.

It's someone she works with.

Trevor, you know him?

Bird, if I knew him,

this wouldn't be fucking happening.

She's cheating on me.

What are you going to do?

Look man,

I've been in your shoes before.

Then why the fuck would you do it to me?

Is she gone?

You don't do this to somebody you love, okay?

to someone you're afraid of losing.

What did I do wrong?

Six years...

I came back from L.A., we moved in together...

I can't believe her.

I can't fucking believe her.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Maybe instead of talking to you,

and being honest with you about whatever she was feeling...

I guess she just...

risked it.

She loves that guy?

No, there is a big difference between love and lust.

He is just a shiny new toy.

I just...

I didn't see any of this coming.

Okay, I mean, I certainly never pictured,

except in nightmares,

that Cecilia would actually do something like this.

But in the spirit of sharing, there actually,

or more admittedly, may have been hints.

You see, I'm a year older than Cecilia.

So, when I finished film school and packed for Los Angeles,

she still had her final year to finish up.

But this didn't worry us.

Why would it?

We were in love.

So the typewriter gets here on Thursday.

What are you going to use that for?

To write your love letters, baby.

You can barely text me back.

You think you can handle that thing?

So, I was talking to my intern supervisor,

and he had me submit a sample of my writing, and he liked it.

And he's thinking about having me stick around

and be like a writer's assistant or some shit.

What's that?

Probably some more glorified assistant bullshit,

but, hey, if it gets me in the door,

I can handle being somebody's errand boy

for a couple of months, which is why,

which is why, babe,

my dad's giving me the ragtop, can you believe that?

It's going to be me and you, riding down the PCH drive,

with fun riding with all the locals.

Gonna be great.

What's wrong?

I just thought you'd be home.

So I decided it was time for a break.

I never understood the stigma behind taking a break.

Everybody needs a break once in a while.

It's only been a few weeks,

I think this break is good for us.

We agree, I'm just saying, kid,

you're going to have problems

when you see your girlfriend jacking another dude.

Shut the fuck up.

Oh my God, just come get the car out of the garage.

If I may speak from experience,

we don't tend to realize what we had until it's gone.

So, I called an end to my sabbatical.

Why right then?

Because I missed her.

And I guess I wanted to know she was missing me too.

Then you see something like this.

Your soulmate engrossed in the presence

of somebody else's company.

And for some reason,

although completely unclear at the time,

the thought of her being on a break too

just never seemed real.

I need to pee.

Okay.

Want to come?

The day before I was supposed to road trip back west,

my boss in L.A. called to say