Gossip Girl

Gosip Girl here-- your one and only source

into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

Blair, I just got invited

to the Institute of Arts and Letters' summer artists retreat.

That's incredible! But what could possibly be the problem,

besides Rome in August?

I need your photographic memory

and your passion for social upheaval

to help me write the book about the Upper East Side.

My computer's gone.

It's Gosip Girl. She took it.

After we got the address for tonight,

I gave it to Gosip Girl.

I just need you to keep our agreement.

Take down Lily.

You can't hold me responsible for everything bad in your life.

I can because you are.

I want you gone for good. Pack your things.

Serena, there is no "us"

and--and now that our parents are splitting up,

I never have to see you again.

Do you have what I asked for?

What did we bury in that coffin?

Starting today,

I will be the only Bass in Bass Industries.

All I've done is work to protect your legacy.

And pine after Blair Waldorf.

I'm gonna take over my mother's company,

and it can be our future.

You said I always bet against you,

but this time I'm all in.

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

Could it be any hotter?

It's a good thing you're not fair-skinned.

Otherwise, your summer "Under the Tuscan Sun"

would end up under a scalpel, removing a melanoma.

I know it was my idea, but why did I bring you to Italy?

I should be at the workshop right now in Rome

with all of the other writers, writing.

You shouldn't be creating in a workshop. You're not an elf.

Besides, how can you possibly be inspired inside?

But here, on the other hand,

if you're really looking for payback,

then what better place

to knock the Upper East Side out of the dark ages

than in the cradle of the renaissance itself?

Da Vinci, Galileo, Humphrey...

Underwood?

Oh, Dio mio. Have you learned nothing?

Technology means hackers. We're going old school.

Don't just stand there. Start typing.

Oh, grazie. I'm parched.

You'll get yours when I get mine.

Real names this time. No holding back.

Everyone gets exposed. The naked truth.

Faster! Faster! Faster!

Could this take any longer?

I'm gonna ride this thing all night long.

I hate trains.

Excuse me. Can you, like, move your leg?

My God!

Do...

that...

again.

What's the rush?

We've got all the time in the world.

Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

Call me superstitious,

but I've got a feeling this fall could be my last season.

Let's face it. I've been at this a long time.

But age breeds wisdom,

and this I know--

the best is yet to come.

You both look so relaxed.

Hamptons good for the soul, huh?

Well, yes, the Hamptons were lovely,

but nothing compares to the Seychelles,

where Bart and I renewed our vows.

Which was restorative.

But our time with Eric off the African coast

was the highlight.

Have you heard from Mr. Chuck?

Well, we're hoping Charles used his summer to relax

as much as we have.

Well, I'm sure as soon as he sees what happy couple you are,

happy family won't be far behind.

I'm not so sure.

Look at all this. It'll take weeks to get through.

I thought Serena was keeping the apartment in order.

Well, that was the deal.

And since she's been ignoring my texts,

our primary mode of communication,

I assumed she was taking care of it.

Vanya?

When is Serena gonna be back?

Miss Serena? I haven't seen her all summer.

I really appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.

Yeah, well, it's nice to have

someone else asking the questions for a change.

Plus Professor Peiser taught

my favorite journalism class at Columbia.

Well, clearly it worked. I mean, look how successful you are.

Well, we're about to find out.

I think it's really brave,

you deciding to run "The Spectator" on your own.

No investors, no partners, no safety net.

Wait, are you here to freak me out

or write a paper on--on my paper?

Sorry. I'm just impressed.

I wouldn't be going it alone if I didn't think I could succeed.

And I have a story on the horizon

I know is gonna secure the company's future.

You wouldn't happen to want

to give Professor Peiser's class an exclusive?

Uh, no.

But I like your initiative,

and if we're still in business by the time you graduate...

maybe I'll interview you for a job.

Lily, hey. How are you?

Uh, Serena? No, I haven't heard from her all summer.

I assumed she was somewhere

between Tulum and the Turks and Caicos.

Well, hey, hey, hey. Don't--don't worry about it.

Serena's disappeared on us before,

but we always find her, and she's always fine.

Yes.

Okay.

I am well aware of the deadlines, mother.

You don't need to put any more pressure on me.

The stress is making my hair fall out in clumps.

Thank God for this chapeau.

If the Olsen twins can build a fashion empire

bossing around pattern drafters, then so can I.

Oh, I have to go.

Someone I actually want to speak to just walked up.

A bientot, maman.

Bonjour, ma cherie.

Ca va, Jean Pierre? How was your meeting?

Good. Now that it's over, I can be here with you.

You Frenchmen. Must be why I always come back to Paris.

Your mother again?

I actually wish it was.

It's my friend Nate. Someone we know is missing.

Oh. What happened?

Who can say? She does it all the time.

I'm sure it's nothing.

You don't sound convinced.

When was the last time you saw her?

When I kicked her out of my apartment

and told her my life would be better off without her in it.

It appears she got the message. What are you going to do?

Exactly what needs to be done--

set some more meetings with buyers,

look at the latest sketches,

contact the textile mill

to see if they can move up production dates.

You don't have to take all this down.

You're not my assistant.

No.

But I do care about you,

which is why I'm booking you a ticket back to New York.

That's where you need to be right now.

For your friend.

First class?

Bulkhead by the window.

Merci.

De rien.

Did this really happen, you and Serena?

On the bar of the Campbell apartment.

Every dirty detail exactly as it occurred.

Not that.

The part where you guys get it on is "Fifty Shades of Boring".

No offense.

After that, when you realized that she had a sex tape.

She said she erased it,

but did you actually see her do it?

No. I-I don't know.

I mean, she said she would. I'm sure she did.

So she might still have it.

Are you going to answer that?

No. It's Blair again,

and I know you might not believe this,

but I'd rather listen to you than

Blair and her excuses for dumping me.

Dan, finally! Thank you for picking up.

I know you've been dodging my calls all summer,

but... I talked to Nate,

and no one knows where Serena is.

I thought you two might be together, hating me.

Are... you with her?

Hello, Blair.

Georgina.

I should've known it was you

from the sound of that disdainful silence.

Now I don't even want to know

why you are picking up n's phone,

but please put him on so I can speak to him. This is serious.

No one has seen Serena for months.