Closing Escrow

Man: DO THE BIG--BIG ONES.

DO THE BIG CIRCLES. YOU WANT THE BIG CIRCLES?

DO THE BIG CIRCLES.

BIG RIBBON, BIG RIBBON.

DO THE TINY ONES. THE TINY--THE TEENY ONES.

JUST LIKE THIS, JUST FOR YOU?

YEAH, THEY LOOK LIKE SNAKES.

I LIKE THE TINY ONES BETTER, I THINK.

THEY'RE SO PETITE.

DO THE--THE SICK TURTLE.

WHY IS HE SICK?

'CAUSE HE LIVES IN THIS HOUSE.

Woman: WELL, THE HOUSE WE LIVE IN NOW, IT'S FINE,

BUT IT HAS A HISTORY.

I'VE LIVED HERE FOR NINE MONTHS.

AND I'VE LIVED HERE FOR SIX YEARS.

WHY WAS HE HERE WITHOUT ME FOR SIX YEARS, YOU MIGHT ASK.

BECAUSE HE WAS MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMAN BEFORE HE MET ME.

WHICH IS PART OF THE REASON

WE'RE LOOKING TO MOVE.

Woman: PICTURE FRAMES?

ANYONE INTERESTED IN BUYING PICTURES TODAY?

HI, GUYS. HOW ARE YOU GUYS?

WE'VE ACTUALLY GOT A SPECIAL TODAY.

EVERYTHING IS HALF PRICE IF YOU TAKE THESE FOUR FRAMES.

Man: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

OH, THAT'S MY EX-WIFE.

YOU CAN--

Dawn: TOM AND I MET...

WE WERE INTRODUCED BY FATE.

IT'S NOT A PERSON.

IT WAS A YEAR AND A HALF OF, UH,

OF DAWN JUST SORT OF POPPING UP IN MY LIFE IN RANDOM PLACES.

SHE'S, I GUESS, I--

WE'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT IT'S--

YOU'VE ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT IT WAS MORE OF A WOOING.

MY WIFE SAID IT WAS A STALKING.

AND I FELT LIKE IT WAS AN HONOR.

EVERYTHING FOR FREE, YEAH, TAKE THE PICTURES.

OK. THANK YOU. GREAT.

WHEN LOVE IS WHAT YOU ARE AFTER,

THERE'S NOTHING THAT'S TOO BIG.

I SET HIS LAWN ON FIRE.

SHE SET MY WHOLE LAWN ON FIRE.

THIS IS THE JAGUAR S-TYPE.

4.2 LITER, 390 HORSEPOWER, SUPERCHARGED V8.

WO-HO-HO! WOW.

CHUKKA-CHUKKAH!

OH. OH.

BE CAREFUL, SWEETHEART. I'M GOOD.

WELL, WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR THREE MONTHS NOW.

WE'RE NEWLYWEDS. YEAH.

AND WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER-- HOW LONG? SIX YEARS. YEAH.

UH, YEAH, SIX YEARS, UH, NEXT MONTH.

ACTUALLY, UH, WE MET IN LAW SCHOOL.

YEAH, WE MET IN LAW SCHOOL.

I'LL LOWER IT A LITTLE BIT. FOR THIS PRICE...

YOU CAN TAKE THIS CAR RIGHT NOW.

WOW. YEAH.

THAT'S ACTUALLY A VERY FAIR PRICE THERE.

WHAT?

WE'RE ATTORNEYS. MM-HM.

I'M A LITIGATING ATTORNEY AND...BOBBY?

AND I--I BASICALLY CRUNCH NUMBERS.

DON'T MAKE ME TAKE OUT A CALCULATOR AND CHECK YOUR MATH,

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE PATTING YOUR PROFIT.

I'M NOT STUPID!

ALRIGHT? SO...

Bobby: SHE'S A JUNIOR PARTNER IN A LAW FIRM.

JUST MADE JUNIOR. I JUST GOT A PROMOTION.

SHE IS, UH, UNSTOPPABLE.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE, YOU KNOW,

CLASS REUNION AND SHOW UP WITH...ON MY ARM.

I MEAN...

YEAH.

I GUESS I WAS A GEEK IN SCHOOL.

I HAD A BAD FLATTOP. UM...

THEY--THEY CALLED IT A STOVE TOP,

'CAUSE IT WASN'T, YOU KNOW,

IT WASN'T FULLY FORMED.

BUT, UM...

THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. NOW WE'RE HERE.

NOW WE'RE HERE. YEAH.

Man: UH, WHAT DO YOU DO TO ME WHEN WE DRIVE?

Woman: NAG? Man: BING!

OK. GEORGE THE NEIGHBOR?

DRUNK. BING.

Woman: WELL, WE'RE VERY PROUD OF THE FAMILY TIME THAT WE...

WE SPEND TOGETHER.

VERY IMPORTANT. THIS IS--WELL, IT'S KEY.

I MEAN, I THINK YOU CAN TELL JUST FROM TALK--I MEAN,

THAT IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO US, IS FAMILY.

THIS IS WHEN, UNFORTUNATELY, YOU GOTTA TAKE OFF A LIMB.

AMPUTATE!

OUR FAVORITE GAME IS TABOO. YOU--YOU GIVE CLUES TO WORDS--

Man: YEAH. BUT YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORD

AND YOU CAN'T ACT IT OUT.

NO, IT'S LIKE--LIKE THAT TV SHOW.

YOU KNOW, WHERE THE STARS TELL THE NON STARS,

THEY GIVE CLUES AND THEN THEY

COME UP WITH THE ANSWERS. IT'S SO GREAT.

ALL THE BEST...

BUT CERTAIN WORDS, YOU CAN NOT SAY. ...GAMESHOWS INVOLVE WORDS.

IF YOU SAY THOSE WORDS, IT'S...TABOO!

TABOO.

* THE WATER IS WIDE

* I CANNOT CROSS O'ER

* NEITHER HAVE I

* THE WINGS TO FLY

THIS IS--THIS IS THE SONG THAT DAWN SANG

THE NIGHT THAT SHE LIT THE YARD ON FIRE.

SHE WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FIRE SINGING THIS.

* GIVE ME A BOAT

* THAT CAN CARRY TWO

* AND BOTH SHALL CROSS

* MY LOVE AND I

DO YOU HEAR IT? DO YOU HEAR WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN?

I DIDN'T HAVE A BOAT THOUGH,

I KINDA HAD TO RUN THROUGH THE FIRE.

ENSHRINE THIS FOR POSTERITY! OH, LOOK AT THAT!

A SEVEN.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

Man: I'M AN ACCOUNTANT.

Woman: VERY GOOD ONE.

VERY GOOD ACCOUNTANT. THANK YOU.

I'M A SENIOR ACCOUNTANT.

BUT THE THING IS, IS THAT I WORK DOWNTOWN.

AND THAT'S ABOUT AN HOUR FROM HERE EACH WAY EVERY DAY.

AND THAT'S PART OF WHY WE WANNA MOVE, BECAUSE YOU KNOW,

THIS IS CRITICAL TIME

THAT I WANNA SPEND WITH MY FAMILY,

INSTEAD OF OUT ON A FREEWAY EVERY DAY.

YEAH. HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

LOOK, THE PICTURES OF THE REALTORS

ARE BIGGER THAN THE PICTURES OF THE HOMES.

OH, MY GOSH.

WHAT IS SHE TRYING OUT FOR? MISS TEXAS? RIDICULOUS.

Man: THE OTHER THING IS, OF COURSE, THAT, UM,

WE ENDED UP HAVING OUR HOUSE APPRAISED RECENTLY.

THIS HOUSE IS WORTH $575,000.

ISN'T THAT A SCREAM?

I DID--I WAS UCH. I JUST WENT THROUGH--I WAS CRAZY.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

I MEAN A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS. YEAH.

A HALF A MILLION. FOR THIS HOUSE?

WE PAID 77. SO.

WHEN WE MOVED IN. AND THAT'S IT.

A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS.

IT'S AMAZING TO ME.

ANYWAY, SO WE'RE CASHING OUT. THAT'S--

AND WE DIDN'T EVEN PUT THAT MUCH WORK INTO IT.

YOU NEVER TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

POINT OF ORDER. THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY ACCURATE.

MAY I INTERJECT? PROCEED.

Tamika: WELL, THE--THE PLACE WE'RE IN NOW,

IT'S A 2 BEDROOM, 1 BATH.

AND, UH, WE WANNA DO MORE WITH THE PLACE BUT, YOU KNOW,

WE CAN'T, 'CAUSE WE RENT AND...

Bobby: DON'T LOOK AT THAT, THERE--THERE'S PORN.

BUT NOW THAT WE'RE MARRIED, YOU KNOW, WE WANT A--WE WANT A HOME.

WE WANNA, YOU KNOW, PLANT OUR ROOTS.

WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE? OOH, THAT ONE HAS A POOL.

I CAN'T SWIM. OH.

Bobby: AND WE'VE LONG HAD THE, YOU KNOW, FINANCIAL MEANS

TO MOVE OUT OF...

OH, YEAH, YEAH. ...OUT OF HERE.

WE JUST, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE,

YOU KNOW, WE BOTH WORK WEEKENDS AND..

TIME AND... YEAH.

BUT, UH, YOU KNOW I'D LOVE ANOTHER BATHROOM.

I'D LOVE MY OWN BATHROOM. ME TOO.

DID YOU GET TOOTHPASTE ON ME?

NO. HONEY.

Bobby: I HAVEN'T HAD A BATH IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.

LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY. I MEAN, 'CAUSE I'M TOO TALL.

HE SHOWERS, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, LIKE A BATH, BATH.

I'M A CLEAN GUY, IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, I'M...

ALL CRUNCHED IN THERE AND...BATHING IN MY OWN FILTH.

BUT EITHER WAY, I MEAN, WE'D LOVE SOME MORE COUNTER SPACE

AND WE'D LOVE, YOU KNOW,

I'D LOVE A... HUGE REFRIGERATOR,

AND, UH, THEN OUR MAID, MARDU, NEEDS A LOT MORE ROOM TO COOK.

HEY... OH.

THANK YOU, MARDU, THIS LOOKS GREAT. IT LOOKS AMAZING.

WOW. DID YOU FIND...?

NO, IT JUST SAYS WOW.

WHEN LOOKING FOR A NEW HOME,

THERE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE OBSTACLES.

RIGHT. AND AS A LIFE COACH--

THAT'S WHAT I DO--UM, YOU'RE-- I'M PREPARED FOR OBSTACLES.

ANY TIME YOU WANT SOMETHING, THERE WILL BE OBSTACLES.

MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND IS MARRIED.

MAYBE SOMEONE'S LIVING IN YOUR HOME RIGHT NOW,

BUT I KNOW IT'S MY HOME. WHEN WE FIND OUR HOUSE,

WE'LL KNOW IT'S OURS.

HIGH FIVE. THAT'S RIGHT, SWEETIE.

HOME MEANS SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL TO US.

IT'S UM... MM-HM.

...IT'S NOT JUST A PLACE WHERE YOU MAKE FOOD.

NO, IT'S A STATE OF MIND. IT IS.