Schitt's Creek

Someone keeps eating my yogurt!

- Arghhhh! - What kind of yogurt?

I was saving that for after my run, David!

Oh my God, I guess I was saving it

for during your run, then.

Agh, you're like a big, dirty raccoon, David!

Oh Alexis, you're almost forty,

if you want some food, prepare yourself some food!

There is no food!

Nobody can cook, this is basically child abuse!

David can cook.

I can't cook.

You got that Teppanyaki table for your bar mitzvah.

That was thrown out after Alexis left her extensions on it,

and everything smelled like burnt hair.

I thought it was an actual table, David.

There was a plug coming out of the side of it!

Well, Alexis, why don't you cook, you can cook.

- Yeah. - I can't cook!

Why don't you cook?

Well, I-I could... I-I could cook.

Oh, John, John! This is embarrassing!

Fine, I'll cook dinner tonight.

What was the chicken dish that Adelina used to make?

Mm! The enchiladas.

- Yeah! - Uh huh.

Oh, Adelina, she was a good cook, remember?

Mm! Uh huh! Yeah! Mmm!

Excuse me, but the enchiladas were my mother's recipe.

I don't think so.

Um, that's not how I remember it.

I made it for you all the time!

- John?! - Yes, well,

if that's the way you remember things, sweetheart, that's...

Okay, enough, tonight I will make my mother's enchiladas.

And David, you will help me.

Uh, what?!

Oh my gosh David, it's gonna be so fun

- for you tonight, doing that with Mom. - Don't touch me!

- It's so nice! - Don't! That's harassment!

Well, there she is!

- Hi. - How are you today, Jocelyn?

Oh, I'm okay, busy, I mean, we were about

- to head to, um... - How fun.

Listen, a small favour...

I require the use of your kitchen.

Sorry, for what?

To cook a meal, of course.

Oh Moira, normally I'd be happy to,

it's just we have a really hectic afternoon, so...

David and I are going to resurrect

an old family recipe.

Mmm!

Of course I'd say... yes,

it's just that that darn stove is on the fritz.

Oh really, honey?

Because this pie is scorching!

It comes and goes, Roland!

Oh, I'm sure it's far superior to what we have at the motel.

David and I will manage!

Oh, I know, it's-it's just that I called the repairman,

and so he's coming this afternoon.

- Oh. - Who'd you call, honey? Bill?

- Yeah... Bill. - Bill doesn't do stoves.

Then, Gary.

Gary? Our dentist??

I don't remember who I called but,

they're coming, this afternoon!

Oh.

It's as if you don't trust David and me

to fend for ourselves in your kitchen.

Oh no, we don't mind you using our kitchen,

as long as you make extra for us,

and leave a ten spot over there for the hydro.

That I can do! I'll be back in ten,

to a clean kitchen!

- A clean kitchen. - I just cleaned the kitchen!

How's the brisket, Mr. Rose?

Well, it's tasting more like meat.

Oh, well that's good!

You know Twyla, I've been noticing how quiet

it is in here during the day.

Oh yeah, it's always quiet before the lunch rush.

Which isn't so much a rush as much as it is just a...

A handful of people showing up at a leisurely pace.

Oh, yeah, well, the reason I point it out

is that um, you know, I've been looking for a place to work.

- Like a-an office space. - Uh-huh.

You see, I get a lot of ideas back at the motel

that need serious contemplation,

but with the family there,

I just can't seem to get any work done.

- I hear that. - So, I was wondering...

And I thought about bringing this up the other day,

but decided against it, for some reason.

But here we are talking, so, what the hell.

What are the chances of me operating

out of one of these booths every day?

I am just gonna put these plates down.

I just think I'll think better,

once the blood rushes from my arms, back to my head.

Oh, oh! Yes, yes, yes! Uh, absolutely!

Yeah, you can put them down, I didn't mean to keep you, there.

I know you've got a lot of work to do.

Totally, they're just heavy plates!

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Okay.

Hey there, Johnny.

Oh, Bob, hi! Oh, I didn't see you there.

I hope you don't mind me uh,

eavesdropping on your conversation, but uh,

I think maybe I could help you.

- Really? - I heard you're looking for office space?

- Yes! - Well, I have a sweet little spot

you might be interested in, if uh,

if you wanna take a look.

Yes, I would! Thank you.

Happy to help, I'm sure you'd do the same for me.

If you had anything to offer.

- Hi. - Hi.

Is this a safe space yet, for us? Or...

Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

Oh, okay, it's just 'cause the last time I was in here,

you told me to leave your office,

so, I guess I was just having a hard time

gauging where we're at,

as two people who used to um... be well, um...

How can I help you?

I-I'm wondering if I can borrow your vehicle?

I need to get some groceries.

Sure. Do you want a lift?

Is that a trick question?

- No. - Oh, okay.

Um...

You don't have to keep tiptoeing around me.

- I'm over it. - Over it?

Yeah, I don't like you anymore.

I mean, like that.

Oh! Okay.

Well, that's good then, I guess.

I think so.

- Are you wearing makeup? - So what if I am?

Hey! Uh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Uh no, no, of course not.

Okay. Um...

So I've been thinking a lot about things.

Okay, good, because I've been thinking

a lot about things, too.

- Like your proposal. - Yeah, the more I thought about it,

the more it just didn't feel right.

Yes! I agree!

Yeah, it came out of the blue,

and you had a lot on your mind.

Yes, Ted, yes!

So I think it may be best for us just to...

Take some time, you know?

Oh my God, it's like we're sharing a brain!

Then in a few weeks, when we're settled,

and more focused on each other,

we try the whole proposal thing again.

Hmm?

Mmm-hmm...

Unless you were gonna say something else?

No!

'Cause you and me...

You and I...

No, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

It's-mmm!

So uh-us, the "us" thing,

and... Um...

Whoa!

So uh, what do you think, Johnny?

What do I think? I think it's a nice garage.

- Where's the office? - You're looking at it.

Bob, you told me you had a sweet little office space,

okay, and frankly, working out of a garage

is not what I had in mind.

Well uh, out of curiosity,

what did you have in mind?

An office! You know, a chair, for starters!

Oh, well, we got a uh, I got a great spot for a chair right there,

uh, you just have to move these tires.

Um, filing those papers'll give you some extra space.

Yeah, Bob, I'm not working for you,

I'm not filing papers.

No, I'm just saying, if you need to get a chair in here,

you know, you might have to move some things,

maybe, you know, sell some old car parts.

Yeah, I didn't come here looking for a job.

Okay? I wanted a space to work, and frankly...

I don't think this is it.

Okay, well uh,

I'm not saying you have to make a decision right now,

just maybe clean it up, and give it a think.

How about I give it a think without cleaning it up!

Suit yourself.

As long as it gets cleaned up at some point.

Okay, Bob...

Uh, I'm gonna leave you with your thoughts.

- Hey! - What's up?

Mm, uh well, good news, I um...