Parks and Recreation

Excuse me.

Are you Leslie Knope? - Yes.

- We are part of a group that tries to identify potential candidates

for political office here in town.

Are you theoretically interested in running for office?

Abso-toot-ly I am.

Very sorry that I just used that word.

- Before we go any further, I need you to tell me is there a scandal out there?

Is there anything at all you need to tell us about your life?

Nope.

Who were the suits?

- They want me to run for office.

- Oh, my god! Leslie, yea!

- I know, right? Yea.

- Yea! - Yea!

- Yea! - Yea!

- Wait, what does that mean about you and Ben?

I don't know.

I think it's gonna be really bad.

- Uh-oh. You just wanna go back to saying "yea"?

Yes, please.

- Okay, yea. - Yea. Yea.

- Knope, follow me. - Just one second.

- Now! - Ron, hey!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ron! Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron!

What's going on?

My ex-wife Tammy is back.

- Yeah, I saw her in the courtyard.

- No, my other ex-wife Tammy. Tammy one.

I have accrued 228 personal days.

Starting right now, I'm using all of them.

While I'm gone, you're in charge.

Ah!

- Also, I keep a sizable supply of ground Chuck in my desk.

Remove it or it will begin to smell.

Godspeed.

- Hi, Ron. - Move!

Whoa!

Ah, geez.

*

- Warning! High levels of swagger coming through.

Tommy Haverford back in the parks department.

Entertainment720 hockey Jersey, anybody?

Branded mouse pad?

Entertainment720 is just a little multi-national

entertainment company that I started with my boy Jean-Ralphio.

What exactly do we do?

Let's just say it's too hard to explain.

Donna, you look amazing. How are the kids?

- I don't have kids. - Wow.

How long has it been? - Three weeks.

- So did you get a chance to look at my sample position papers?

How do you feel about my stance on Egyptian debt relief?

- Uh, well, it probably won't come up in a local city council election.

But your thoroughness, as always, is impressive.

Thank you.

Now, we have three months until you announce your campaign.

I think we should start talking strategy.

My strategy is to win.

I've been dreaming about running for public office my whole life.

While other girls were playing with Barbies,

I was playing with a Geraldine ferraro action figure

that I made myself from a picture of her that I glued onto a popsicle stick.

See you next week?

- Okay, I'm looking forward to it.

Hey! What-- - Who was that? - Uh... Lady--just ladies.

Meeting for the ladies' yacht club.

Anchors away, ladies. - What?

- Just don't-- - Ladies' yacht club?

- I cannot believe you haven't told him yet.

- After I tell him, I'm running for office, we're gonna have to break up.

- Why can't you just keep sneaking around?

- Ann, you beautiful, naive, sophisticated, newborn baby.

What?

- Before, if people found out, we would maybe lose our jobs.

Now, if people find out, it's gonna be a major scandal.

My campaign will be over before it begins.

- What are you gonna do? - I have a plan.

And it's really good.

I'm gonna postpone telling him until you figure out what I'm supposed to do.

So get crackin'.

How is this on me?

- Fine! I'll do it. God, who keeps emailing me?

A penis. - What?

Oh, my god.

Oh-- it's emailing me too.

- Whoever this is sent it to every woman in the entire government.

Oh, my god.

He's gonna be so embarrassed. I mean, that's a crazy accident.

- No, Andy, he did it on purpose.

- You know what? Respect. That's a baller move.

Pun intended.

Excuse me.

- Chris, Jerry's making us look at dirty pictures on his computer.

- It is exactly because of that lewd photo that I am here.

Ben and I are launching a full investigation.

And I want to apologize to all the women... and Jerry.

If I could go back in time, and cut your eyeballs out, I would.

- Wow, that is so sweet. - Thank you.

- We are getting a lot of media requests about this.

So Leslie, can you do Perd Hapley?

Ho! She can do Perd Hapley.

Hi-oh!

- Seriously, can you do his TV show?

Oh, yeah.

- Andrew my man-drew, what are you up to?

- I'm about to do an experiment where I huck this at the wall and see what happens.

But that can wait. Shoe shine?

Andy, I'm gonna be honest.

I came here today to talk to you.

Now look, you're enthusiastic. You're hard-working.

You can lift heavy things.

I think there might be a place for you over at entertainment720.

Oh, my god.

What is that?

It's my company!

I don't know, Tom.

I mean, I'm just now getting really good at shoe shining.

And I mean, I'm still pretty bad at it.

- Let me ask you this. Are you living your dreams?

- I don't know, Tom. - Well, I'm living mine.

And if you wanna live yours, here's my card.

- It's impossible to read. - Black print, black background.

It's the coolest possible color scheme.

- Yeah. - It's also a strong magnet.

So don't put it in your wallet. It will erase your credit cards, guaranteed.

- Destroy my credit cards. Debt and everything?

- Mr. Mayor, I promise you that we will find the owner of that weiner

and we will punish him. Good-bye.

Ann Perkins! - Hey.

I didn't know who to come to with this,

but that picture, uh--there's something very disturbing about the testicles.

- I've always felt the same way myself.

The testicles are like the ears of the genital system.

They serve a very important function, but they're not that great to look at.

- Okay, wow. No, I was speaking medically.

They're enlarged.

I think that maybe that guy is sick with something-- perhaps, a hernia, or mumps.

- Ann Perkins! You really know your testes.

Thank you?

- For a female perspective on this scandal, we turn to a woman, Leslie Knope.

I'm about to ask you a question right now and that question is this.

The lewd photo-- just how big a deal is it?

- Well, frankly, Perd, it's not that big a deal.

If you know what I mean.

- I don't know what you mean.

But it had the Cadence of a joke.

- When men in government behave this way, they betray the public's trust.

Maybe it's time for more women to be in charge.

- There you have it, where "it" is the thing Leslie Knope just said about this situation.

Perd hap-- - How was that? Was that okay?

- Amazing. That sound bite is gold.

- You're gonna get great feedback on this, and we think we can capitalize.

You're gonna announce your candidacy on Friday.

- Friday. In three months.

- No, this Friday. Is that okay?

- No, yeah. Yes, it is great.

Okay, we'll do that then now soon.

And, um, I just have something I've been postponing for a while

that I need to do, but I'll do it now.

- Great. - Great.

Yea.

- I know it. Ha ha. Okay.

Ben? I need to talk to you.

- That was my brother. He just had a baby girl.

- Oh, my god, that's horrible. Or good--full disclosure.

I didn't listen to what you just said.

I need to talk to you about something-- - Okay, well, before you say anything,

let me just show you what I got at Doug's donuts.

It's an L-shaped eclair!

The "L" is for Leslie... For your name.

Hey.

How are you? - Bad, really bad.

- Oh, god. How did the breakup go?

- Well, I started crying because he gave me an eclair.

And then we made out and spent the night together.

But this morning in the cold light of day, I cooked breakfast and we made out some more.

- Wow, you opposite-of-broke-up with him.

He gave me an eclair, Ann!

- Joe, I've determined that the lewd picture was sent by you

because you sent it from your personal email address,

stinkmaster69@alumni. Sarahlawrencecollege.edu.

Really? Sarah Lawrence?

- Yeah. I wanted a small college experience.

- You also bragged about it to many of your co-workers.

- There's an old sewage department saying.

"If you've got a nice drainpipe, there's no reason to hide it."

I doubt that's a saying.

We are terminating you effective immediately.

- Is this because you're jealous?

- No. It's because you broke the law.

- The law of having an amazing package.

- Before we have him forcibly removed,

you should know this, that one of our female employees,

a nurse, examined the photo you sent her-- - I bet she did.

And you have the mumps.

You might wanna get that checked.

Sweet.

Someone's got mumps on his lumps.

Up high. Anyone?