The Centipede Is Tap Dancing (Le mille-pattes fait des claquettes)

LOUVRE MUSEUM

Even without arms, the proportions are remarkable!

The sheer beauty of the female body is amazing.

What did he say?

He said it's a marvel. A treat for the eyes.

Field-Marshall Goering agrees.

I think he's fallen in love.

Mr. Goering is an enlightened amateur.

Judging by the works of art

that he's had brought to Germany from all across Europe,

he must have a very nice collection.

To which this masterpiece would make a good addition.

Surely you don't mean to take the Venus de Milo to Germany?

Art knows no borders, Mr. curator.

It's only natural we cooperate on a cultural level.

For Mr. Goering's benefit.

Haven't you looted enough already?

Franzosen are pigs, we should do even worse than that.

-What is he saying? -It's an order, do not argue.

Just obey.

Have the statue packed in a crate.

At dawn tomorrow,

a Wehrmacht detachment will come and collect it.

Until then, you are responsible for it.

Heil Hitler.

Do you know anyone who can give me two tires

for 50 kilos of coal?

No. At least, I don't. My bike was stolen.

The anti-theft lock too.

As a bonus, I'd give them a June coupon.

It entitles you to a chocolate bar and a pot of jam.

-Hi! -Hi.

-You alright? -Yeah.

-I just heard a good one. -Is Hitler dead?

-Have the Americans landed? -Not yet.

The Germans are sending the Venus de Milo to Germany.

-Really? -It's official.

What do we care? We stole it from the Greeks. Everyone gets a turn.

The Germans are entitled to theirs.

-You can put your clothes back on. -I had cramps.

Joking aside, you're on the free market, no coupons needed for you.

We didn't steal it, we are the custodians of one of the finest ancient treasures.

It's our duty to rescue it from Nazi clutches.

And how do you plan to go about it?

You work at the Louvre, right?

So you know the place.

There has to be a way.

Are you insane?

I know you artist types are crazy, but there's a limit.

Can I go? I have a party to get to.

Yeah, be off with you. Good night! We have some brainstorming to do.

-Don't do anything stupid. -Go.

-When? -Tomorrow morning.

We'll need a car. Henri! Call Henri.

You're getting crazier by the minute! I warn you, I'm staying out of it!

This wine smells of piss.

It's because you're drunk on champagne.

The wine smells of gunflint, the taste of the terroir.

Was "flint"? Warum "flint"?

What's up with this idiot. If you're going to start with champagne,

stick with it, it's more elegant.

Good champagne! Danke!

That's what I said.

Hello, I'm listening.

It's me.

No, I can't get away at the moment.

It's urgent? What's urgent?

No.

Fine, I'll work something out.

We'll hide the statue at uncle Édouard's.

He owns the workshop.

He's quite the guy!

Can't stand the Germans.

In 1917, in Champagne, he took 62 prisoners all by himself.

With a grenade and a kitchen knife.

He has a manor in the Cotentin, near Saint-Sauveur-le-Vicomte.

Where's the corkscrew?

Here.

The statue will be safe there.

Yeah.

It's quite simple.

You steal your boss' van, we take the crate from the Louvre,

take the statue and travel 350 kilometers. The Germans on our heels.

It's not every day you get the chance to have so much fun.

Will you join us?

You need to calm down. Have some herbal tea and go to bed.

Do you think it's a game?

If the Krauts catch us, there'll be hell to pay.

Are you chickening out?

Cut the crap!

Don't forget we should all be in Germany doing compulsory service,

screwing bolts while bombs fall on our heads.

We mustn't draw attention to ourselves!

You're a smart guy, pal. Him, he's nuts. But insanity is contagious.

Don't worry, we'll manage without you.

What's your delusional plan?

To get yourself caught and leave me feeling guilty?

Give me that.

Since I brought it, we might as well open it.

We're going to need it.

Look at this! Good for lifting heavy crates.

-You speak German? -Leave me out of this, please.

Crap, the news!

This is London.

Let's begin with some personal messages.

"Primroses need fertilizer."

"Grandpa found his glasses."

"The centipede is tap-dancing."

We repeat.

"The centipede is tap-dancing."

Fred Astaire is screwed.

I'll take the truck and get you guys out of Paris.

But at the first chance, you load it on some other rig and let me get back.

Let's go, it's happening tomorrow morning.

We'll get ready and give you a call when it's time.

Be careful on the phone. Sometimes my boss picks up.

-We'll say little. -"The centipede is tap-dancing."

-Okay? -Okay!

-Okay. -Okay, great, go!

You'll find uniforms inside the custodian's closet.

CUSTODIAN'S CLOSET

-Is there a crate the right size? -Don't worry. I know this place.

That one will do.

It needs to be heavier.

Will it be enough to turn off the lights?

Yes, one of them will check the power switch.

-And the other? -I'll say someone stole the Mona Lisa.

He'll have a heart attack, the Mona Lisa's their darling.

We'll have to be quick switching the crates around.

-And if it doesn't work? -We'll find another way.

-Of course. -Okay, we need Henri.

Considering the crate's weight and ours, three won't be too many.

What the hell are they doing?

-Hello. -Henri?

-Yes. -It's Jacques.

-Yeah. -"The centipede is tap-dancing."

"The centipede is tap-dancing." Understood?

Sure, I'm not deaf.

I'm on my way.

What's the meaning of this?

Were you waiting for instructions from London to act?

"The centipede is tap-dancing", is that right?

I heard it tonight on the 9:15 p.m. bulletin.

Tell me everything.

You're not alone in this.

Huh?

You've decided to stand in the way of the order we were given.

Isn't that right, huh?

Well done, boy! I'm with you.

All good?

Better than good. We found an ally.

Yes, but we need to get moving, follow us.

Even so.

You're all right with sitting by and letting them take the Venus?

Officials don't argue, Émile.

They obey the government.

The Germans are not the government.

The Marshall

has shaken hands with the Führer.

Remember that, Émile.

Want a drink?

No, stop. And you too.

Go fetch a deck of cards, we'll have a game.

-I'm curing my cold. -In the middle of summer?

Summer colds are the worst.

-Now it's my turn to play with this. -A safety pin?

Replace a fuse with this and it's lights out.

Don't do a whole lecture. Get on with the job.

Crap!

Another blackout.

At this hour? Go check the power switch.

You go. I feel dizzy. My cold, you know.

I've always been scared of the dark. Let's go together.

Fine, let's go.

-The crate? -We'll only be two minutes.

Right, two minutes.

Émile!

I see two crates.

Don't worry, it's your cold. You're running a fever.

There are two crates, I tell you!

I'll get you a nice coffee, I have some in my thermos.

-You think it'll help? -Yes, calm down. You'll be all right.

Is there an exit?

The custodian gave me his pass.

It's quicker down this way.

-There's only one crate. -See? You're all better.

You were right about the coffee!

Yeah.

AIR BASE, 5TH SQUADRON OF THE LUFTWAFFE

-We've already covered 100 kilometers. -I have to take the truck back.

If we change vehicle,

we shouldn't stay dressed like museum staff.

If there were troubles, the uniforms won't help.

You're right, let's change back into our clothes.

I'll stop here then, it looks like a good spot.

Someone's taken the truck.

You're joking.

The police!

Hide!

-The bicycles! -The bicycles!