Elsewhere

Surprise!

Happy birthday, son!

Honey!

¶

There's the birthday boy!

Oh, hi Mark.

Just wipe your shoes if you could, thank you.

I got a serious problem.

The toilet is totally clogged.

What do you want me to do about it?

Well, it is completely clogged to no repair.

My birthday party is the reason that it's clogged.

Did you have anything to do with this?

Excuse me.

May I uh,

may I please have everyone's attention?

We're gathered here today to honor the life of Bruno,

my son.

Who, for those of you who don't know,

was recently commissioned by the city council

to design our new fire house.

But it's a rather bittersweet celebration in that

we also honor the memory of his beloved wife, Lydia.

And, uh, I've written a few words.

Oh, for fuck sake.

It's a bit of a poem.

Lydia was your name, and Lydia my son loved.

Doesn't rhyme.

Now Lydia is gone

and the vast, empty spaces she has left

in our hearts and faces will ever be filled.

To my brave son,

who's spirit is the spirit of a titan.

Who is loyal to his wife like a dog.

You, my son, have been a true hero

and you make us proud.

Happy birthday, Bruno.

Hi, Bruno.

Oh, hey.

How're you doin'?

Good.

Yeah.

Yeah, good.

Oh, knocked 'em over.

Sorry.

Mr. Black.

Wow, hi.

Long time, no see.

Yeah.

Doin' alright?

Yeah, I'm... hangin' in there.

You wanna come in?

No, that won't be necessary.

So, listen Bruno,

I'm- I'm afraid I've got a bit of bad news.

Ok.

Uh, now look, you know I- I like you, right?

In spite of all the... the rocky times,

I know you're a good guy deep down.

But when I first offered this piece of land to my daughter

there was a mutual understanding it was for her to live on,

and you later came into the picture

and as much as my wife protested I was glad when you built

this home together as a couple.

But Lydia's... Lydia's been gone for two years now

and, well, I'm afraid we've decided

to take the property back.

Excuse me?

I'm very sorry.

You- no, you- you can't take it back,

it's... my house.

You see, that's the thing.

Technically it is not.

It's-- it's sitting on my property.

You- you- you gave this to Lydia.

I designed and- and built that house.

Every beam, every cabinet, even the bathroom tiles.

It was- it was all us.

Do you ever wonder who paid for all those beams and tiles?

That is my house.

The way things stand right now it's a done deal.

It's not.

There's a will.

We both know that is not true.

No, there's a will.

Lydia- Lydia, she told me, she said-

Bruno, this is not your house.

We've let you stay here for several and now it's time to go.

You have two weeks to vacate the premises.

And it would be great if we could do this amicably,

I mean it.

Let's just do this the easy way, shall we?

Dude, how can you lose a will?

I didn't lose it!

I hid it.

I didn't want it laying around where I could-

it was ominous. Dark matter.

Nobody was supposed to die.

How about you buy it from the bastard?

Felix, it's my own fucking house.

Not if you can't find that will.

I'm completely fucked.

No, you're not.

There's gotta be a way out of this.

No, we'll come up with a plan.

You gotta change that tune, my friend,

'cause you can't dance to shitty music and it is time to dance.

We'll come up with a plan 'cause I'll tell you right now,

they'll take that house over my dead body.

Please step out of the house now, Bruno.

Come on.

You're- you're officially trespassing now.

Yeah, well you can set this place on fire,

I'm still not comin' out.

I think it's better if we do step out.

¶ Every time the telephone rings, I hold my breath, ¶

¶ Hoping that it's you, I'm scared to death, ¶

¶ Phone went ring, ¶

¶ My crippled heart cried, ¶

¶ Let it be you on the line, ¶

¶ Then a voice said hello, ¶

¶ Can I speak to Joe, ¶

¶ Wrong number, ¶

¶ I'm sorry, goodbye ¶

¶ Pity the fool ¶

¶ who loves you so, ¶

¶ If you found someone new, ¶

¶ Don't let me know, ¶

I'm six foot six so it was probably a grizzly.

Wow.

So, uh... if you uh, go to the back of the house,

under the deck you'll find an old letter.

What for?

¶

¶ Hold on baby ¶

¶ 'till I tell these blues goodbye ¶

Got it.

Looking good.

¶ 'Til I tell these blues goodbye ¶

There you go.

Son.

I got three words for ya.

Welcome home... son.

I'm going in the shed.

I said it wasn't up for discussion.

Why would you wanna sleep in the shed?

The boy needs independence, honey.

He'll freeze to death.

Mom, it's the middle of summer.

We'll give him the electric blanket.

And how am I supposed to keep warm?

You haven't used that blanket for years.

Nobody is taking your electric blanket.

Take the blanket, bro, you deserve it.

Ha ha.

Our pantry's finest.

There's hardly anything to celebrate, dad.

Oh, I beg to differ, son.

I beg to differ.

Really, why don't you save it for a special occasion?

Boom!

We're saying grace.

Uh, can you leave me out of it?

This is our home and we say grace.

Honey, not tonight.

The boy doesn't like it.

It's not a matter of liking, it's a matter of faith.

It's fine.

I just- I won't join in.

Felix, I think it's only fair, don't you?

Don't get him involved, the man is high as a kite.

Linda, let me tell you something.

It would be joyous.

Thank you, Felix.

Hands please.

Mmmhmm.

Dear Lord, we thank you dearly for this special night

as we gather as a family to support Bruno,

whom we love, cherish, and adore.

As you know, dear Lord, Bruno lost his wife two years ago

and he hasn't seen the light since.

Also, he's now homeless.

We beseech you, oh Lord,

to guide his path towards a better life

and towards a better woman.

As we discussed previously, dear Lord,

Dora Maloney's daughter, Rita-

You gotta be kidding me.

Has just been through a painful divorce and we ask you

to help her through it,

and also to clear the way for Bruno to date her.

Honey, honey.

I think that's a bit specific.

Let Bruno find his own path.

His own path isn't working, is it?

We're gonna help him get through this!

I'll sell this house if I have to,

buy another Winnebago.

We are not moving into a Winnebago!

Nobody is moving into a Winnebago.