Heroines (Héroïnes)

We can divide and conquer.

Tammy, Michelle and I can do decorations and styling.

And Mummy will take care of food. All your gogo's favourites.

Barbecue spit, party pies, all the meats.

Guys, can we just keep it simple?

It's your 18th! You just sit back.

Mummy take care of everything.

That's what I'm worried about.

Andrew's always been the odd one out.

To him, all the rest of us are too loud, too gross...

too messy.

In an ideal world, Andrew would live by himself

in a sealed IKEA show-room - spotless and spacious.

Sometimes we wonder whether Andrew was switched at birth.

Then Mum reminds us he was the only Asian baby in the hospital.

We should have firework. Like Beijing Olympic.

Uh, no.

- You love firework. - Aren't they illegal in Queensland?

Everything technically illegal in Queensland.

Alright, guys. Stop meddling, OK? I'll do it my way.

Ooh! Two word -

stretch Hummer.

Don't worry. Something will turn up.

Some people just don't know natural talent. Probably racist.

- Mum, not everyone's racist. - Yes, most people.

Lady in bank, man who told me to leave buffet,

idiot who tried to charge me for cup of hot water.

All on Mummy's hit list.

I can add your agent.

Mum! Beryl said she'd call me later anyway.

Apparently she has promo work.

- Ooh! - It's not a big deal.

So many celebs started in promos.

Like that Jamie Durie, the garden man.

Wasn't he a stripper?

From little things big things grow.

Ew, Mum. I'm an actor.

I'm not just going to leap at any degrading opportunity.

Beryl!

Ah!

Open up! My phone!

Open the door!

It's my agent! Open the door!

In... in a minute!

I'm breaking down the door!

Ow! Ow.

No, no, no, no, no!

No!

- Why didn't you answer it? - I'm not your secretary.

Well, I hope you're happy. I'll probably never hear from Beryl again!

Hello?

I'm usually an 18-11-9 but I've been retaining water lately and...

- One size fits all. - Oh.

Yep, he's got the lederhosen.

You know, Klaus, this job's only supposed to be for Beryl's clients.

You shouldn't legally be here.

Well, that's the funny thing. I am one of Beryl's clients now.

Yeah, she just came up to me in the street, gave me one of her cards

and said, "If you don't sign with me,

"I'm going to throw myself under the next bus."

Sizzling and bursting with flavour!

A juicy piece of Germany on a stick!

Will someone PLEASE eat my sausage?!

Heavens. What was that?

I'll eat your sausage, Ben.

You look so German.

I know rejection is part of any acting career. But Klaus?

What's he got that I don't?

They're very tasty.

Klaus is just playing to his strengths. Maybe you should too.

No, I don't come with the sausages.

Cheeky!

One minute, a cute little baby with a Mongolian spot on his bum.

The next... oh, so many hairs and smells!

When he was little, my Andrew would always, "Mummy, look at this!"

Now it's, "Mum, don't talk to me when I'm on the toilet."

He says he doesn't want to make a big fuss,

but what teenager doesn't like his mummy making a fuss?

Sorry. What?

Nothing. Nothing. Everybody loves a party, right?

Oh, sausage?

I can't let my parents' trial separation

affect my ability to earn money for the family.

I mean, who else is going to put food on the table?

Another?

They say being raised by a single mother messes kids up,

but I've found it's made me more sensitive to women's needs.

Sausage?

Beryl said it's an important stepping stone.

It's all about playing a role.

Don't move.

I hate when you do that!

- It's just the back of the knife. - Yeah, dickhead.

I was gonna get free sausage samples for your party,

but you've just kissed that goodbye.

Andrew-ah, are these the right ones? Uh... kale chips?

What is kale?

Heidi said they're her favourite.

The party's happening here.

Dad!

I told you guys I didn't want some kids' party at home.

- But you know Mum is planning it. - Your brother asked me. I said yes.

It's not my fault if she can't get things right.

You're just doing this to punish Mum.

This isn't about her, alright?

In some cultures, birthdays are about the people born on that day.

Well, I hope you're happy.

Mum's probably going to kill herself because of this.

You better have something nice to say at the funeral.

Mum...

Mum, you hear what I said?

Crystal clear, A-OK.

Happy Dragon for your party. With your dad.

What a great idea!

And you're OK with that?

Mummy just wants what you want. It's your big occasion.

OK. Well, then, I'm gonna go get ready for cricket.

- Mum? - It's fine.

It's your big brother's decision.

But you can't possibly be happy with this.

Mummy is very happy.

- Ow! - Mum!

Just because it's at the restaurant

doesn't mean you still can't be involved.

Your dad is doing the food, providing the venue.

Everything up to him.

Maybe Mummy shouldn't even turn up.

Oh, of course you should go. It wouldn't be a party without you.

I can't arrive at my own son's party without doing anything.

You can still make a contribution.

Contribution?

Sounds little.

From little things...

- OK. - Mum, we can't see.

Come on!

You have to help me make the party contribution for your gogo.

- What do boys all like? - Sex.

Ai-ya. I can't bring sex to your brother's party.

Yeah, you can. There's this girl at school called Moira Byrne, and she goes to...

Ah, la, la, la, la! Mummy doesn't want to hear the end of that sentence, OK?

Focus, please!

We are talking about Jenny Mum making a splash for your brother.

I'll call Wayne. He'll know.

Oh, no, no, no.

Gogo likes...

Hey, babe.

..being tidy?

He likes fish.

Not helpful.

Shane's friend Bevan had a mechanical bull at his 21st.

Apparently Bevan's aunty liked the slow setting so much,

she practically had to be pried off it.

Uh-huh.

- Girls. - Mm-hm.

Ah...

What are you doing?

I'm preparing for work.

- Are you stuffing your butt? - It's part of my costume.

You know guys are meant to stuff the front, yeah?

Oh, but I guess you can't pad something that isn't there.

Every performer has some work done.

Don't take a picture!

Guys, guess who's stuffing his butt!

Benjamin, you tell your brother no more dirty sperm sheets.