Trip Slip

Yeah!

That punk-ass song?

Man, roll your windows up with that!

You is disrespecting my music.

What music?

- You too old. - Yeah!

That's too old, man.

Come on man.

You're listening to that boy mumbling,

he ain't rapping, I can't even hear it.

Yo son, yo son, for real,

you're killing me. - Come on, man.

Come on, man. - You don't know

what you all got.

- My funeral's nothing but years.

It's crazy.

Yo, what's popping my guy?

Yo, what's up?

Oh, today's the big day!

Yes sir, the big day.

Full check on day.

I'm about to go to HR

to pick my shit up!

- What, nigga you don't have direct deposit?

You should have been celebrating at midnight.

- Man, my shit be overdrawn all the goddamn time.

Besides I need a paper check up in this bitch.

I don't fuck with no banks, no cash apps,

no swiping up and down.

I don't do none of that shit.

- Man, that's a broke man's mentality, man.

- What the fuck you talking about?

that's a rich man mentality.

It's a smart man mentality.

You see how my dad lived?

- Yeah, your pops didn't leave a reserve

to none of his kids either.

So what?

He lived his life payrolled in cash.

I ain't leaving shit to my kids either.

I just finished paying child support

on the motherfuckers for 18 years, I'm done!

Today?

- Yup, I just got to go to the HR

and check a couple of things out.

And then yo, we celebrating tonight,

and dippin' for sure.

Hey hit me and we dippin'.

- Oh we definitely dippin' in something tonight, guy.

- Just don't be dipping too hard and making more kids,

and starting all over and shit.

Yo, how about you worry about

why your balls is always on time out?

What the fuck?

Let me worry about mine.

You need to be worried about getting a mancation

away from Emily crazy ass.

- Man, whatever, just hit me up we dipping.

Yo son.

It ain't right for a man to be hogtied, yo.

How we go from saggy jeans

to skinny jeans,

to kilts, to hogtied?

Come on, yo.

Man, whatever.

Yeah man, just hit me up if we dipping.

All right, bill you.

Yo ma, what's good?

Holla at the kid.

Oh yo yo yo, yo!

You got a problem?

Oh, my bad, yo.

Yeah you right.

Your bad.

- Yo son, you ain't gotta get all huffy puffy.

I ain't know she was taken.

- Does she look like she wouldn't be taken?

You got a point.

My bad.

Your bad.

Get all swole up,

you get stole up around here though.

Hello, hello, hello,

big lady. - Hello, mhmm.

- It's always a pleasure to see you.

You too.

Yeah.

Yo, so what'd you got going on this weekend?

- The same thing I always have going on when you ask.

None of your business

That's right.

- You do not have to be so professional all the time.

I mean it's Friday.

It's the end of the day on Friday.

Relax.

You know I mean, I mean,

loosen your bra string up, you know?

Take the G string out your ass.

No, no that's what belong?

- Is there anything else I can do for you?

Actually.

You wanna make a baby with good hair?

Oh my god.

I'm just saying.

Don't be ignorant.

- I'm looking at you when I'm coming in

and I'm seeing that good baby here you got back there.

You got that fine fellas here back there.

That there, you know exactly.

- Look, do you need the policy on sexual harassment

dumbed down a bit for you?

No, I'm good, I'm good.

What have we got right here,

been waiting on this baby.

Take a deep breath.

Yes!

That's what I'm talking about.

Come on now, this is what 55.25 hours look like!

Coming right to the kid.

- So you're saying that this is a full check for you?

My financial obligations

to child support are done, sweetheart.

Listen, six, one, and done.

Seven kids?

- Yup, and I took care of each and every one of them.

Please believe it.

- You saying it like it's all over.

Well it is all over.

See they 18 now.

And 18 is grown in America.

And I'm a free man in America.

Well, so to speak.

- You know what, you look way too happy.

Oh, I am happy.

Actually, I'm flabbergasted!

Ain't that that word?

I'm just saying, I went from frustrated

to flabbergasted.

It's crazy.

- Bet you anything you got seven baby mamas too.

Oh.

Sounds like you want to know more about the kids?

Oh no, no, no, no.

That was just a comment.

Actually.

There are six lucky ladies

who have kids with me.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

The first one was Cher's mom.

Now that was my high school sweetheart, right?

Hold on.

Then after that I was playing ball overseas.

I had a one night stand.

Bam, out come the twins, Ray and Reggie.

I named 'em after the shooters.

Okay, then Alnissa's mom,

I was dealing with her for a while.

Had a little oops and got with her sister.

Long story, but Neil was born

a couple weeks after Alnissa.

Crazy, I know, but are you following me?

I'm trying.

- Okay, then I was with Elna's mom.

That was my boo boo.

We actually was gonna get married.

Things didn't work out.

And I got with Terrence's mom.

Terrance Junior mom.

She is straight up loony,

but that's a whole nother story.

Look, you have your check.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

And now check this out.

If you take the first letter

from each one of my kid's names,

it spell out Terrence.

Goodbye, Terrance.

- Have yourself a lovely weekend.

You too.

Oh.

I'm definitely about to.

Yo, son!

Get your motherfucking trip slip signed!

Yes sir!

Oh yeah, check is all mine,

the night is all mine.

That's what I'm talking about, overall goal.

Feel this.

Oh yeah.