Desperate Housewives

Previously on Desperate housewives...

Beth had no idea

Paul was told the truth about her mother.

Felicia Tillman has gone

to some extraordinary lengths to cause you harm.

In therapy, Gaby confronted her past.

When I was a child, my stepfather molested me.

Bree made a stunning revelation.

He's your son.

- And two fathers... - He needs our help.

Reached out to a son in trouble.

Lynette Scavo had lost a lot of sleep over the years.

There had been 3:00 a.m. feedings...

temperatures of 102...

and late-night pillow fights.

But Lynette had never complained

- Because a mother... - Mom?

is always on call.

Do we have any eggs?

Yes. We have eggs.

Where do we keep them?

In the refrigerator.

Cool. Thanks.

How do you make an omelet?

You don't have to come down.

Just, uh, tell us where the stuff is.

No, it's just easier if I do it myself.

Two omelets, coming up.

Actually, um, could you make mine an egg white scramble?

Girls. Hello.

Mom, this is Tiffany and Kimberly.

We met them at a keg party, wandering around looking for food.

Somebody scarfed all the chips and stuff.

And we were like, wouldn't it be awesome

To have Denver omelets right now?

'Cause I'm from Denver.

Really?

I'm getting more of a Vegas vibe. Sidebar.

You woke me up to cater your booty call?

- Mom, this isn't a booty call. - I think you mean a "hook-up."

A booty call is, like, when you're feeling horny,

- And you pick up the phone and call... - Okay. Got it. Look...

This isn't a frat house. This is our family home,

And you can't bring your... whatevers... here to seal the deal.

Why not? We've been doing it for months.

Mom, we're not kids anymore.

Yeah, we're grown men, old enough to vote.

- Old enough to die for our country. - Now where do we keep the eggs?

Under the sink, next to the fresh fruit.

Thanks.

Yes, Lynette Scavo had lost a lot of sleep over the years.

And she was getting tired of it.

There are all sorts of ways to leave.

Some people shake hands...

others offer a gentle wave.

A few like to give big hugs.

Then there are those who refuse to leave

until someone else says...

"get out."

Morning, boys.

Why are you handing me classified ads?

You have seven days to find another place to live.

Whoa, whoa. You're kicking us out?

You said I could stay here until I finished college.

Yeah, we're starting to think that's not gonna happen.

- Guys, please don't do this. We like it here. - Of course you do.

You think doing laundry is throwing dirty clothes

in the hamper and getting clean ones out of the drawer.

That's how dad does it.

O... okay, let's stay on topic.

Guys,you need to grow up, learn to be independent,

And that's gonna start with you getting your own place.

And how are we gonna pay for it?

If you turn that paper over, you'll find a whole section

Of people willing to exchange money for something called work!

- We have to get jobs? - This is crazy.

You guys are acting like we stabbed you last night.

Oh, obviously you didn't do that.

You don't know where the knives are.

Now start making some calls.

You really think that they're ready?

No. And that's why we have to do this.

Those boys are drifting through life, tom.

If we don't do something soon,

we'll have twin 50-year-olds living in the basement,

screaming upstairs for juice.

You're right. Unless we push 'em out of the nest,

- They'll never learn to fly. - Mm-hmm.

Do you have to dial a "1" before the area code?

And the first chick lands with a thud.

Yes. I've been on hold for, like, 4 miles.

I just got a notice that my insurance

is only covering partial payment of my dialysis.

No, that can't be right.

I can't afford that, and I need treatments three times a week.

Ooh! Oh! Aah! Damn it!

Oh, uh, not you.

I just ruined my shirt

And saved a chipmunk's life in the same move.

This is not a good day.

Oh, crap!

Morning, ma'am.

Do you know why I pulled you over?

To commend me for saving that chipmunk's life?

No. You didn't come to a complete stop at that stop sign at Ferndale.

License and registration, please?

I'm sorry. I guess I was just really distracted.

I was trying to talk to the insurance company,

And then the coffee spilled, and now...

I'm gonna be late for my dialysis appointment,

which means that all the good chairs will be taken

and I will end up in the chair by the bathroom,

and I will spend the next six hours listening to people flush.

Dialysis? Man, that must be rough.

Yeah, and it explains why I look a lot more bloated than I do on my license.

Look, I don't want you to be late for your appointment.

- I'll let you off with a warning. - Oh. Really?

- Good luck, ma'am. - Thank you.

And thank you, dialysis.

I don't wanna go on this stupid trip.

It's only 24 hours.

Trust me. 24 hours in my hometown feels like 2 years.

Those people are... are small-minded,

They're bigoted, and their teeth...

it's the land orthodontia forgot.

Well, it produced you, so it can't be all bad.

Ugh! Please. You know what that town is famous for?

The second-longest-burning tire fire in america.

Gaby, I think we both know why you don't wanna go.

And it's not about the town.

Okay, you're right.

But I don't care what my therapist says.

I don't wanna fly to Texas to stand on some dead guy's grave

and read him a letter.

That dead guy was your stepfather,

and he abused you.

When Dr. Wyner told you to write down how you felt,

that helped, didn't it?

- I guess.- Well, then I really think you should listen to her

when she says that reading it at his grave will help.

Confronting him will give you closure.

He's dead. Can't I just confront him from the comfort of my own home,

with a glass of wine and a ouija board?

If you absolutely don't want to do this,

you don't have to.

But I really wish you would.

Fine. 24 hours, one graveside rant, and then we come home.

Why are you bringing evening wear?

It's the anniversary of the tire fire.

There's gonna be a party.

We're almost there, Zach.

These people are gonna be able to help you.

I don't need to go to rehab.

Tell that to the puke on my shoes.

- Thank god your mother never saw you like this. - Easy, Paul.

- You can't make me go. - Zach, face it. You're going.

Okay. I will.

I promise. Tomorrow. Just let me out now.

- Let me out. Let go of me! - I'm trying to help you.

You? You?

You did this to me. You're the reason I'm like this.

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Paul, ignore him. He's sick.

I'm not sick!

He's sick! I'm fine!

- You're fine?! - Ow.

You shot me! You shot your own father!

- Does that sound fine to you?! - Paul!

- Paul, let him go. - You're going to rehab.

You're gonna take these drugs and flush 'em out of you,

And then we're gonna talk, or I swear

I will drive your sorry ass to prison myself!

So you can either dry out in rehab

or take your chances in jail.

I'm good either way!

Let's go.

Now with just the top... tip of your fingers,

right there on the seam. Right... yeah. There.

Then, when you throw the ball, you whip your hand down, right?

Gets the... gets it spinning faster.

Let's give it a shot. Really whip those fingers.

Take it easy!

Charlie, it's time to go.

No, mom, please. Five more minutes!

Sorry, sweetie, we have to get back to the hotel and start packing.

Hey, you heard your mom.

I'll see you in the morning, okay?

I just need to ice down this hand.

I can't believe they're flying back to Florida tomorrow.

I know. I wish you'd had a chance to spend more time with him.

Yeah, I wish that, too.

Unfortunately, we lost a week while you decided

whether or not to tell me they were here.

Yes. And again, I am so sorry.

That is my son.

How could you keep him from me? What were you thinking?

I'm not proud of what I did, but I didn't want to lose you.

Don't make it sound romantic.

What you did was unbelievably selfish.

I know.