American Auto

Hey, folks. Excuse me.

I don't wanna interrupt anyone's work,

but Jin just told me that he'll be leaving Payne,

and he asked to share just a few quick, quick words.

- Hello, all. I'm Jin. - Yeah.

They know that. They know that.

- Payne's Chief Financial Officer.

It was 40 years ago that I started

my first job in finance. - Mm.

- You might be thinking I look rather young for that.

You're right. I was eight years old.

- Great. Well, we can probably

fast forward through a couple decades.

- When my parents immigrated to this country,

they used to have me

do the bookkeeping for their store.

So from early on, I learned to work with family.

And I still do because you are all my family too.

all: Aw!

- But now I'm leaving my job family

to spend more time with my non-job family.

By which I mean my actual family who I'm related to.

Wow. Well, thank you, Jin.

- But I'll miss you. - We wish you--

- I'll miss you all. Going forward...

- I call dibs on his corner office.

- Oh, if you move into his office, maybe I can take yours.

- Oh, so you want to move into the office that just so happens

to be right next door to Sadie's office?

- That's just where his office his is.

- Ooh, I bet they're gonna knock on the wall like once

for "I love you," twice for "I miss you."

Yeah, or like,

maybe there's like a crack in the wall.

- Oh, exactly, and he's gonna like,

"Oh, Sadie, back up against the crack in the wall."

- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Like this, Jack?

- Oh. Oh, just like that. - Oh, my God.

- No, I just meant like a crack they talk through

like--like Pyramus and Thisbe.

- I'm not sure that this is the audience

or high-brow Greek mythology references.

- Sadie, it feels so good. - It does, it does.

- It feels so good. - Ooh!

So how do you want to handle

the press release about Jin leaving?

Ah, I don't know.

"Jin is leaving. How will we go on?

"He'll always live within our hearts

and in the sound of every baby's laughter."

You know, standard boilerplate.

- We--we just want to make sure it doesn't look to Wall Street

or the board that people are jumping ship here.

- It's one guy. - It's not, though.

Our rate of attrition has gone up, actually, ever since, um...

- Ever since? - Ever since you started.

We also lost three members of upper management last quarter.

- How much more is that than average?

- It's about three-- three more than average.

- Oh, that's a lot. - Mm-hmm.

- Oh, Sadie. I've never tried this before, but I trust you.

- Like watching myself in the mirror.

- What's going on? - Oh, Elliot was joking

about Jack and Sadie through a gloryhole.

- Wha-- - Seriously?

- That's not even close to being true.

- Look, I'm not a prude. I kinda want to hear the joke.

But let's not do that kind of stuff in front of--

maybe that's why so many people

around here lately have been quitting.

- No one's quitting their job over an awesome sex joke.

- What is it then? Have people been complaining about me?

Not to me. Certainly.

But you know, everyone around here knows that I--

you know, I'm true blue Team Katherine.

- Ugh! - Get your hand out of her ass.

- Look, I don't take it personally.

I just need to know what the issues are so I can fix them.

- We could send out employee surveys.

- No one's ever really honest in those.

They assume they're not anonymous.

- Well, are they? - Oh, no, they're not.

- We could read employee emails,

see what they're saying about us behind our backs.

Wait, can we do that?

- Read employee emails on an employee server?

- Yeah. - Yeah, absolutely.

We can do that. - Great.

- Some boundaries are there for a reason.

- No, no, just to be clear, I'm not gonna read

any of your emails, okay?

You can all be exempt. - Oh.

- Rules were meant to be broken.

Let's log on right now.

- Okay, nice principles, everybody.

Jack, you go with Elliot.

Each of you should check on the other.

And no reading any of our emails, all right?

Sadie, talk to Jin.

See if you can stop him from leaving.

- Oh, wouldn't that be more convincing coming from you?

- Oh, no, he's pretty intimidated by strong women.

I think it'd be better coming from you.

That's nice.

- So the admin search bar is here.

And if you want to search for two things,

you can use the "and" function.

- Oh, yes, the Boolean operators.

Yeah, I know a little bit about computers.

I built the website for my wedding.

Yeah, we're divorced now, but um, you know,

the website's still up.

So what do we search for?

I mean, people don't write things like "my morale is low."

- We could search for "Hate my life.

"Hate my job. Hate this place. This place sucks .

"My boss sucks . My boss sucks my .

"My boss is a dick. this place.

everyone." That kind of thing.

- Yeah, let's--let's start with those.

Jin!

What the--mister, I'm mad at you.

What did I do?

- No, I mean, how could you leave us?

Mister? Not cool. I'm gonna miss you.

- But we're not very close. - Jin, don't say that.

Ow!

Let me buy you lunch. What do you like?

Lobster, steak? Anything you want.

What do you want? You want sushi?

- Mm, I'm more of a turkey Swiss

on white bread kind of guy.

- That sounds amazing! I want--no, I don't.

I'm gluten-free. Aw, Jin, I'm gonna miss you.

- May I ask you just one little favor?

Would it be possible

if you spoke in your regular voice?

- My regular--yeah, yeah. That's a lot, wasn't it?

It was.

Cy-dawg. Heads up!

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm in hell!

- You are officially invited to join the Payne Fun Patrol.

- It's in my mouth. - We're gonna go around.

We're gonna do fun things, raise morale, it'll be great.

- I need an eye wash. Why did you have to do this?

- 'Cause this is my family's company,

and if people aren't happy here, then I'm gonna fix it.

Welcome to the team.

Whoo!

Sweet Jesus.

Hey, everyone. Hi.

I'm just wondering how everyone's

feeling about things.

You know, is there anything

that we or I could-- could be doing better?

You know, stuff like, um, I don't know, more windows.

Well, I mean, obviously we can't--we can't do that.

But, you know, stuff like that. Stuff like that.

- I wouldn't mind having some pistachios in the break room.

- Pistachios! Done. Dori, write it down!

- I have tree nut allergies, so I can't eat pistachios.

I can't even be near them. - Got it. Okay, great.

So no pistachios, just cross those off.

- All right. All right. All right.

That's no problem at all.

Well, if any of you think of anything or, you know,

you just want to even ever just chat,

my door is always open.

- Is now a good time? - I'm sorry?

Is now a good time to chat?

- Uh, Dori, what's-- what's my schedule?

Is it pretty--pretty hectic? - Uh, no.

You just have an interview with Motor Trend today,

but that's in half an hour, so you're free right now.

- So I--I am free. I am free. And I am free right now.

There I am. I'm free. So I guess come on in. Um--

Barb. Short for Barbara.

But that's my grandmother's name,

so I go by Barb.

- Great. Love it. Barb! Come on. Let's chat! Barb, huh?

.

- Okay, so we have two options. We go all the way fun--

so like dumping a bucket of slime on someone's head--

or we go classy, like eating sushi off a naked lady.

But the problem is body heat. You don't want a hot sushi.

- Or we could have a little cake

and give everyone T-shirts. - Okay. Building on that idea.

Foam party. All right?

No one sees what anyone's doing, total deniability

to "roam in the foam."

- How's that building on my idea?

- T-shirts made me think of wet T-shirts

made me think of foam party.

- In college, we had a Silly Wall.

Just a little section of a wall

where people could draw silly pictures or write messages.

- You must be the least fun person

I've ever met in my life.

- If I'm so not fun, then why did you

ask for my help in the first place?