Curb Your Enthusiasm

Where's our food?

It's... the service of this place, it's horrible.

- Taking a year. - I know.

- What the hell? - I know.

I confirmed it, by the way.

Cheryl and Ted are a thing.

They went to Hawaii together.

- Really? - Yeah. Yeah.

- Jeez. - So, this is really hard to look at.

Yeah, well, how do you think I feel?

- You think I enjoy it? - Okay.

I never should've done that show.

That "Kimmel" show.

God damn it.

Hi, I'm the manager.

There's been a delay in your meals.

I'm very sorry.

There's been a disturbance in the kitchen.

But we're taking care of it. Thanks.

Well, what kind of disturbance?

A general disturbance.

What's a general disturbance?

Well, let's just say it was a minor hiccup.

Well, was it a hiccup or a disturbance?

It's such a small disturbance,

it might be either one.

What, it's like... was the chef angry

or did somebody drop some pots and pans?

What happened?

Let's just say the disturbance happened.

Okay, that's a fact,

and we're taking care of it, okay?

Are you listening to this?

- Wait a second. - I am.

How come you won't tell me what the disturbance was?

Oh, well, that's a very good question,

- and I'm on top of it. - Well, thank you.

I'm glad you thought it was a good question

because it was a really atrocious answer.

- Well, I beg to differ. - Let me ask you this question.

How in God's name did you get this job?

I am great at dealing with these disturbances.

Yes, really?

I'm asking that because you come off as quite a goofball.

I'm gonna take that as a compliment.

It's not.

Delicious meal, by the way.

Did I mention that? Oh, gosh, I'm jealous.

Is there any question that you will answer?

Because you haven't answered one question yet.

For example, what color is your tie?

- Let me just say this. - Uh-huh.

- I am wearing a tie. - Yes, you are.

- What color is it? - I believe the tie is self-evident.

So, the color is there.

- Okay. - Okay, great.

- All right. - Thank you.

What the hell was that?

Why wouldn't he tell me what it was?

- What's the big secret? - I don't know.

- I'm going to the bathroom. - All right.

- Excuse me. - Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

The restroom's down the hallway.

- Are you the chef? - Yes. Yes, I am.

Oh, okay...

I was sitting at my table,

the manager came over to us

and said the food was gonna be delayed

because there was a disturbance in the kitchen.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry about that, sir.

There was a small disturbance in the kitchen,

but if you go have a seat, we'll get your food right out to you.

Yeah, I know, thanks.

That's okay. I mean, everything's fine.

I was just wondering,

you know, what the disturbance was.

Regular kitchen disturbance.

They happen all the time. Nothing to worry about.

You mean somebody dropped pots and pans or something?

- Is that what happened? - It's not that big of a deal, sir.

It was a minor disturbance that we have since taken care of.

- Minor? - It was perfectly minor.

If it was, then my food would not have been delayed by 15 minutes.

- A slight delay in your food. - It was more than a slight delay.

- Sir. Sir. - Tell the truth about the disturbance.

It wasn't minor, it was major.

What is this, an investigation?

This is a kitchen, sir.

I'm just trying to get some food to some hungry people.

That's all I wanna do. And then I wanna go home.

- Are you a married man? - Yes.

- Do you have children? - Yes.

All right, so you're having a wonderful afternoon with the wife and kids,

you go out to the post office to get the mail.

You come back, you hear a big crash, you open the door,

and your kids are sprawled out, unconscious on the floor.

You say to your wife, "What happened?"

And she goes, "Oh, there was a disturbance."

And you go, "What was the disturbance?"

She goes, "No, I don't wanna tell you." How would you feel?

I would want to know what the disturbance was.

That's exactly right!

That's a very specific situation, sir!

You'd want to know what the disturbance was, just like me!

There's no children here!

You're acting like a child.

You're the child who's keeping a little secret.

- Yes. - You got a little secret.

- No, no, I'm the parent. - Oh!

I'm the parent who has to worry about all the things.

- I gotta worry about getting the food... - No.

...preparing the food, and then giving it to you...

No, you're the little baby who won't tell Daddy what happened.

- Please leave, sir. - With pleasure.

All right, fine.

I'm coming! Bye.

- We gotta go. - What?

Yeah, Susie's little sister didn't come home last night.

- Little sister? - You know, she's part of that

big sister, little sister mentoring program.

- Oh. - The girl's staying with us,

and she didn't come home last night.

- Can I help you with anything? - No, we're good. We're leaving.

That whole disturbance thing threw us for a loop.

Well, yeah, I'm taking care of it.

We're too disturbed to eat right now.

Wow, look at this thing.

New Tesla.

- Nice. - Yeah.

- Whose is it? - Ted.

Holy cow.

She didn't come home. I don't know where the hell she is.

I've called everybody. What can I do?

- Oh, finally. Jeff, she's not back! - I know, I'm sorry.

Come here, I wanna show you the tapes.

Hi, Ted Danson.

Yeah, it's me, asshole.

Okay? It's my fatwa disguise.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

He was at the hotel.

I'm sorry, were you just at a hotel in the Marina, following us?

- You were following us, weren't you? - I was not following you.

I was in the hotel. That's where I was hiding.

Why didn't you say hi?

I was going to, but I had to talk to the hotel manager

about the pickle jar.

- The pickle jar? - The pickle jar.

Yeah, everybody wants to open a pickle jar.

- Don't you wanna open a pickle jar? - Okay.

Could you get me some sparkling water, please?

Yes.

Oh, and T, can you get a lemon with that, please?

T? Oh, "T"?

- What is that? It's unseemly. - It's short for Ted.

You never gave me any little nicknames.

Could've called me L. You didn't call me L.

You didn't call me D.

You could've called me "Elvid."

- I'm sorry, "Elvid"? - Yeah, "Elvid."

- As a term of endearment? - Yeah.

Like, "Let's spoon, Elvid"?

- Yeah, "Elvid." - Okay.

You know what? Enough with this bullshit, all right?

Enough with the nicknames. Nobody gives a shit.

We're looking for my little sister. We have to find her.

She's 15. How do you know she's gone?

She's probably at her boyfriend's house.

She doesn't have a boyfriend.

This kid, Larry, oh! She is so talented.

You think Sammi was talented at her age?

No, I don't.

Oh, stop it! Look at this.

Look at this tape. Look at that dancing.

Huh? Is that amaz... look at her, oh.

Got attitude.

It's wonderful. Okay, I've seen plenty.

Thank you, I got it.

I get it. I got it.

What do you get? You don't get shit.

- I got it. - All right, we gotta find the kid!

What, do you want me to watch the whole dance recital?

Yes, I do, all right?

We're gonna form a search party and find her.

A search party?

What are we, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in 1870?

Find her! Let's go.

- Everybody, split up. - Yes.

Let's go. Split up.

I thought you were okay with this.

- What's going on, man? - Hey, do me a favor.

Yeah.

Can I look for the kid in your Tesla?

I'd like to drive it.

- All right, okay. - Thanks, T.

Come on.

What?

- What? - I don't appreciate that beep, sir.

Oh, well, you know, the light had turned green

and I gave you time.

You must've drifted off or something.