New Girl

- Okay, we got our maps. - Yeah.

- Got our canteens. - Yeah.

Got our trail mix, homemade of course.

Got my book of local fauna.

Got my book of local flora.

So we can identify...

Look at them.

I feel like Andie MacDowell in Multiplicity,

living in a house filled with clones.

It is the second time this week

you've compared yourself to Andie MacDowell. It's weird.

- I'll go grab... - ... Our boots because we should...

- ... Break them in. - Exactly.

Nah, that's weird.

Robby and I are hiking Behar Pass tomorrow.

Turns out, we both love hiking.

It's amazing. We have a lot in common.

Aly and I are finally gonna have the same city in common.

Right on, man.

Lefty's coming home.

- Lefty? - Lefty?

Yeah, she's left-footed.

I'm throwing Aly a surprise welcome-home dinner.

I invited her whole family here, you know.

Uh, I wanted her to see all the people she loves,

which becomes love for me, you know,

and the next thing you know, I'm getting one of those

"best boyfriend ever" mugs, which you can buy,

I just don't want to do all that.

I want to... I want to earn it.

- You're inviting them over here? - Yeah.

Winston, this place is a hellhole.

Look at this. All the dishes are broken.

I'm eating pasta out of some thing

that Jess and Robby made in a clay class.

Pottery workshop.

What the hell is this compartment for?

I have a better idea.

Why don't you throw your thing at our place?

Ever since our wedding china came in,

we've been dying to host a dinner party.

Is your house even done yet?

All the party zones are in working order:

living room, dining room.

The master bedroom has sort of turned into

a place where the workers throw all their trash.

I think even one of them went to the toilet in there.

- But... - We'll just lock that door.

- Yes. - Let's do it.

Reagan's out of town. You know what that means.

- No. - What does that mean?

Honestly, I don't know, but please let me come to the party.

Time to hit the sack.

It's 6:30. Babies are still awake.

Not this baby.

I feel like I've lived through this before.

I'm like Andie MacDowell in Groundhog Day.

- Stop! Just please stop. - Are you kidding me?

Ooh, it's a fork.

Well, the map says to go left,

but that little musket trail seems plumb adorable.

And it has a waterfall, so I say, uh....

waterfall.

I mean, let's just do it. Let's go nuts.

See, this is why we're so great together.

We agree on everything.

I agree.

Hey, Robert Frost, looks like we're gonna take the road...

Jess traveled.

All right, just, uh...

that's not the way it goes.

Hold on.

Be easier if it wasn't so windy.

Okay.

- Hey. - Hey.

Made a list of rules for our guests.

Obviously, no one's wearing shoes inside the house,

but what if we put a foot-washing station in the driveway?

Babe, I was thinking maybe we have no rules.

Well, because growing up,

all the cool houses didn't have rules, remember?

I was never invited to any of the cool houses.

My only friend in high school was my piano teacher,

and then he got that boyfriend with the Trans Am,

and I never saw him again.

I really wish I could travel back in time

and give young you a hug.

Yeah, well young me would've greeted that hug

- with an immediate collapse in orgasm. - Oh.

But you know what, maybe you're right.

If we want to be the place where friends gather...

maybe we got to chill.

Yeah, because we... we want to be the hub.

- You know? - Ooh, we'd make such a good hub.

- Yes, we would. - Make such a good...

we'd make such a good hub.

Are you having an orgasm right now?

Are you kidding me?

- Hey. - Hey.

Winston Bishop, nice to meet you.

- What are we doing right now? - I'm practicing introducing myself

- to Aly's parents. - Oh, I got you.

- You're a little nervous. Okay. - Yeah, yeah, I'm a little nervous.

You know, I want to make a good first impression.

- Oh, that makes sense. - How's my shake?

Nope. No, no, no, no, no.

Do not go in with two hands.

Also, why are your hands so wet?

- Damn, for me that's dry. - They're dripping.

- How's this for Aly's mom? - I'm Aly's mom?

- Okay. - Mm-mm.

- Not today, honey. - Yeah, all wrong.

- We bring it in for the real thing. - All wrong.

- All wrong. - Okay.

That was very aggressive.

You invaded my space. I didn't feel safe.

Just be more normal about it. Like this.

Hey, how are you? I'm Winston. Nice to meet you.

Oh, like...

Hey, how are you? I'm Winston.

Zip, a pleasure, uh, to do it.

- See, all of that, cut that out. - Okay.

Hi, how are you? I'm Aly's mother.

You do... you do well.

You do well to-to be friends with me.

- Hmm? - Winston, shake it out.

- I'm nervous, dude. - I know you are.

Look, they're gonna love you.

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna mill about.

I'm gonna talk you up. I'm gonna tell your stories.

Yes. Use one of my good ones,

the ones that make me look awesome.

Like the time I fell asleep in the bathtub.

But all that one is is that you fell asleep in a bathtub.

- The end. End of story. - That's amazing.

I think we can come up with better ones, don't you?

No, that's a home run for sure,

because I woke up wet.

- Now I see. - And also,

- it's all about how you tell it. - Right.

I trust you. You're the writer.

I am, and that was the gift I was given.

- Put her there. - You got it.

- What is going on with these hands? - What?

A second ago, they were dripping wet,

and now they are piping hot.

- Leslie! - Winston!

I hit your car when I parked. Sorry.

Yeah, I... I didn't drive here.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

Anyway, uh,

your sister is on her way. Where are your parents?

Oh, my dad doesn't take highways for political reasons.

- But everyone else is here. - Cool.

Come on in.

- Hey. - Hi there.

- Hey there. - Hey.

- Thank you. - Wow.

How big is your family?

Oh, my gosh. Hey.

How many cars did you guys take?

Hey, make yourselves at home. Everybody come on in.

Did you guys rent a bus?

Just breathe. Just breathe.

- Hey. Hey now. - Winston, Winston.

Winston. A-a word, please.

- Huh? Yeah, coming. - Hey.

Hey, man, you look familiar.

Did I pull you over last week?

Why so many?

There are 30 people out there.

We do not have enough china!

Or forks or prawns.

You can't ask somebody to split a prawn.

Babe, I know, all right? But you just need to relax.

We will be fine.

- We can adjust. - Sorry.

Just remember, we're chill.

No, you're right. We are totally chill.

We'll just break out the backup china!

I'll just come in tomorrow morning with a power washer,

and hose this whole frickin' place down.

There's Lefty.

By the way, there is no backup china!

I know, I know, all right.

Keep them closed.

All right, last time you did this,

you revealed Furguson in a tuxedo.

This is even better.

Say hello to... your entire family!

Surprise!

What the hell is this?

So, do the cute, surprised look you do.

Nah, that's not it. That's not the one.

Remember? When you...

Oh.

You're pissed.

We're lost.

Why did you let me chase a waterfall?

You know what TLC says.