The Simpsons

You've fallen right into my trap,

just like you did in Africa.

Krusty, there you are.

We've got business to discuss.

First off,

we got big problems

with your talking home pregnancy tests.

Hey-hey, you're pregnant and it's not mine!

It's giving 20% false "hey-heys."

Oh, okay, uh, repackage them

as coffee stirrers and sell them in the Philippines.

Genius. Now, another issue:

Studies show your Krusty Burger

is the unhealthiest fast-food item in the world.

Worse than the Double Krusty Burger?

Somehow, yes.

Okay, here's what we do.

What's that food we never put in any of our meals?

Vegetables? Yeah, those guys.

Find the cheapest one,

and make a burger out of it.

Then throw it in a green wrapper and double the price.

And say it's got none of those, uh,

what are those unhealthy he-she sounding things?

Uh, trans fats?

That's it! And while you're in there,

spray a little nicotine juice on the kids' meals.

Get 'em hooked.

Coming up on:

It was worth it to be on TV!

Put our dying screams in the promo!

You know, kids,

the real drowningest catch is man.

It's a new world out there.

People care about their health, for some reason.

We know times have changed.

And we at Krusty Burger want to take advantage of that.

Introducing... the Mother Nature Burger.

Made from 100% wheat-fed barley.

And now to take a yummy bite.

Mmm... tastes like a healthy future.

We're going to Krusty Burger!

Finally, a hamburger for the Hindus.

By the tusks of great Ganesh,

now no one can tell I am not American.

Look at me! I'm saving the Earth!

Where's my Nobel prize?

What's wrong, old friend? Can't sleep?

Aww.

Would some warm beer settle you down?

Uh-oh.

Those barley burgers were tainted!

Why did I eat 12 of them? Why?!

Taken!

Occupied!

Hurling!

: Uh-oh.

SKINNER (over P.A.): Attention, students,

due to the recent queasiness,

both the Presidential Ab-Crunch Challenge

and the Sloppy Joe-A-Thon have been cancelled.

: Skinner!

If I die,

I want you to take over... Really?

...the search committee for a new superintendent.

Mm...

Just hold my head and say soothing things.

Third-grade math scores are holding steady.

Ah, yes...

The food poisoning has been traced

to a single ingredient: tainted barley.

And where does that barley come from?

Our neighbor to the southeast, Ogdenville.

The state's barley basket since it was settled

100 years ago, by Norwegian immigrants.

I'm here with barley farmer Brendlf Jensen. Brendlf?

What happened is, a big ol' rat got caught up

in the grinders there, so my wife, Dagny, took a hose to it.

And, uh, it's all cleaned out now.

So you're guaranteeing it's safe

to eat Ogdenville barley once more?

Well, where there's barley, there's rats, you know.

Now, when will you be starting the interview?

That just went out live.

Well, then we're screwed.

(slow, melancholy orchestral theme playing)

Dad, are you sure you can

put in these new rain gutters all by yourself?

Eh, maybe you're right.

I do have a bad history of going up on roofs

and waking up in hospitals.

Perhaps we could be of help, don't you know.

Ogdenvillians? Work on my house?

Ja. Ever since the barley bust,

the only work we can get is day labor.

We don't mind it. Work is work.

I like your can-do attitude!

And your facial hair screams rugged but reliable.

You won't regret this, sir.

You hear that, Bart?

He called me "sir."

That means he knows I'm better than him.

Nicely done, guys. Lemonade?

A lemon version of barley-ade?

: When in Springfield...

Oh, don't that glug down right good then.

Oh, ja, almost as good as barley-ade.

Mm-hmm. Oh, ja. Oh, ja.

You know, I'm glad you've come here

to take all the jobs we don't want to do.

Can't have too much of a good thing.

You fellas, too, come on!

So, Inga, this is our kitchen.

Did you have kitchens back in Ogdenville?

Ja, before the dark days fell on my people

and we lost everything.

Great! So you know your way around a blender.

Okay, so if the dog's in the house,

don't let Grampa in and vice versa.

Our neighbor, Ned Flanders, drops by unexpectedly.

That I do! But he doesn't stay long.

No, I don't!

Kids, this is Inga, your new nanny.

A nanny? Whoo-hoo!

Mom says I can have ice cream for breakfast.

Oh, she's still here.

Mom, can I have ice cream for breakfast?

No way, mister.

It's just chocolate chip pancakes and syrup for you.

Inga, I'll be happy to eat whatever you make.

Maggie, now you have a nanny.

Just like the ones Joe Piscopo

and Ethan Hawke left their wives for.

But hands off my Homie.

Hands off the Homie. Got it.

Sorry, sometimes she's nervous

around new people.

Actually, she's just gassy.

A little lingonberry oil under the tongue will clear it

right up.

That's amazing!

Now I feel bad about calling your references.

So Selma, how did you meet?

I hired Torbjorn, here,

to kill some moles in my garden.

And, well, one thing led to another...

Ja, she has the same beautiful face

as my great-uncle Magnus when he lay in the coffin

after his trolley accident.

Gee, this Ogdenville influx

has been great for everybody.

Yeah, talk about taking jobs Springfield don't want!

Hey, Homer, your blubber

would light our lamps for a year. D'oh!

I zing the oaf good?

You zing the oaf great.

Minnesota Vikings apparel?!

This is Tennessee Titans country!

Waah!

Uff da! So many meters.

Step aside, Nor-wads.

Watch how the natives ride sky.

(The Chantays' "Pipeline" begins)

Three hours and we still can't see a doctor?!

It's 'cause it's filled with all these Nor-wads.

They even sneeze funny.

: A-fer-gan-nerkin! A-fer-gan-nerkin!

We're out of English forms.

You'll have to fill out a Norwegian one.

I can't read this sloopy-bloopy writing.

Typical-- foreigners clogging up the system.

I hurt my back unclogging your septic system.

Sven, can you stop by tomorrow?

It's clogged again. Ja.

Come on, Bart.

We'll take care of you at home.

: Na-chin-na-hart! Na-chin-na-hart!

Oh great, I caught their cold.

Okay, Bart.

Now bite down on the rubber dog bone, and...

(toy squeaks, bone snaps)

Mm!

Thanks, Mom.

Now, how did this happen again?

It wasn't my fault. I swear.

A couple of barleyjerks dared me to.

Yeah, well, I'm starting to wonder if this town

wasn't better off before all these immigrants showed up.

I'd just like to remind you

that we were all immigrants at one time.

Well, you were a baby once.

Does that mean you still like milk and hugs?

Yes, I'd like both right now.

Hey, this is all right.