Glee

So here's what you missed on Glee:

Kurt's trying to get used

to another school, and Will's trying to get used to the fact

that Emma went to Vegas with her boyfriend

- and came home married. - I'm happy for you.

Brittany thinks Artie's the best boyfriend ever.

You're magic, Brittany.

Which is what Rachel used to think about Finn.

But then she learned this secret about him and Santana

- which made her super mad. - Do you think she's prettier than me?

- Don't answer that. - So she made out with Puck,

- which made Finn super mad. - I'm done with you!

Because his girlfriends are always making out with Puck.

Boyfriend troubles. I got that covered.

Considering I'm usually

the cause of them, I'd say I'm an expert.

It's like a thing. And that's what you missed on Glee.

- Hey, Will. - Hey.

Are we okay?

You know, we haven't really talked

since I told you about me and Carl.

I mean, we haven't talked at all.

Are you avoiding me?

Not at all.

So, what are you doing for Christmas this year?

Just a little quiet time alone this year.

Will, you can't spend Christmas by yourself. That's horrible.

Look, um, Carl and I are having a big Christmas Eve party.

Please at least stop by.

Well, thanks, Emma, that's very sweet of you guys, but...

I think it's best if we just

keep things separate for a while.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, educators, gather around.

It's time to pick your Secret Santa.

Everybody's name is in the tub.

You get who you get, and you don't get upset, all right?

There.

Last year, I left my stocking up over Christmas vacation,

and an entire family of mice started living in it.

Their Christmas gift to each other was rabies.

I told my parents that I only want one thing

for Christmas this year:

Stop friend requesting me on Facebook.

What are you asking Santa for?

- I'm sorry? - Artie...

The roads to the North Pole are getting treacherous.

You need to write your letter to Santa really fast

and get it in the mail today.

And remember, even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf.

No way.

How would you like to be a spotted elephant?

Or a choo-choo with square wheels on your caboose?

Or a water pistol that shoots... jelly?

We're all misfits!

Hey, guys. What's this?

Oh, we're trying to get into the Christmas spirit, Mr. Shue.

Christmas is totally my favorite holiday. And check out

this awesome tree! I found it on the side of the road.

It must have fell off some guy's car.

- And the ornaments? - The guy who lives next door

finally killed off his elderly mother. And when they carted him off,

they left the house, like, wide open, so...

I think she was a holiday hoarder.

Uh... And the presents?

I lifted them from a display at the mall. But don't worry. They're empty.

Guys, look, I appreciate the effort,

but this isn't what Christmas is supposed to be like.

For us, it is.

This tree is like a mascot for Glee Club.

We won Sectionals two years in a row,

and according to everyone at this school, we still suck.

...this reindeer sweater last year...

- Ooh! - Ho-Ho-Ho, losers.

Haha!

I'm pretty sure they just added food coloring

to real slush from the parking lot.

You can eat that, you know.

No, no. I am not

gonna let you guys throw yourselves a pity party.

Look, I'm the first one to say that things haven't turned out

exactly how I would have liked them to this year, but Christmas

is all about being grateful for the things that did.

I thought that was Thanksgiving.

And this year, Glee Club is going to lend a hand

to the McKinney-Vento Homeless Children and Youth program

- right here in Lima. - How are we going to do that?

The only way we know how: By singing about it.

We're going to go classroom to classroom,

caroling, to raise money for McKinney-Vento.

Wait, classrooms in this school? With like, students in them?

Well, if there are no students in them, there will be no one

to put money in the collection box while we sing.

We're gonna be killed.

No, guys, it's Christmas...

A time for miracles.

We got to try this.

Finn's right.

So let's start rehearsing.

This year, Glee Club's going full Santa.

- You suck! - Who goes caroling with a band?

I'd seriously rather be learning.

You're making me hate Christmas!

Yeah, that's right, leave!

- You suck! I hate you! Go, go, go!

I can't believe that that teacher

let those students speak to us like that.

I can't believe she threw her shoe at us.

I guess we're done caroling.

No, we're not, guys.

We can't let what just happened ruin our Christmas spirit.

Mr. Shue got us this beautiful tree to inspire us.

We're gonna practice now, and gear up for round two tomorrow.

Pretty soon, no one will bully us.

Santa Claus can do anything, and this year,

I asked for the Glee Club to stop getting picked on.

She's kidding, right?

Guys, this is serious. Listen up.

Brittany still believes in Santa Claus.

- You cannot be serious. - Last week, Brittany believed a comb had magic powers.

- This is kind of a pattern. She's gonna find out sooner or later.

Would you mind, um...

- meeting me at the auditorium tomorrow at 4:00? - Sure.

- Okay, somebody needs to break the news to her. - Uh-uh. Don't look at me.

I mean, I'm cruel and all, but that's just hardcore.

Right! That's my point! Hear me out.

Remember when you were a kid, how excited you would get

when you would think about Santa Claus?

How awesome it was?

Christmas was the highlight of the year.

Why wouldn't you want to keep someone's world

magical for a little while longer?

- How? - I've got it all figured out.

Can I be honest?

I don't understand the difference between an elf and a slave.

I'm not sitting on that guy's lap.

Santas' laps are always really warm, and it's creepy.

We all have to sit on Santa's lap. If Brittany sees that we

all still believe, it will make her strong enough to withstand

all the Santa naysayers in the world.

Which is everyone over the age of six.

I'm pretty sure this isn't going to work.

That guy doesn't even look like Santa.

Trust me, all Brittany's gonna see is the suit.

She wants to believe in him.

Mercedes, get up there.

Go, Mercedes, go, Mercedes, go.

I've been a very good girl, Santa.

I want a pony, and a doll that laughs and cries and...

One of us smells like McDonalds.

I would like Puckerman to love me. He's a fox.

I would also like sweet potato fries.

I want bling. I can't be any more specific than that.

Okay, wait, hold up.

Please tell me that is a roll of Certs in your pocket.

Do you have anything for stretch marks?

ChapStick. Lots of ChapStick.

I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

When does Asian Santa arrive?

Next.

Just know, you have rights.

Ho, ho, ho!

- What's your name? - Brittany.

You've gotten really tan.

That's because at the North Pole there's a hole in the ozone.

You're amazing.

I know you're really busy,

so I only want one thing for Christmas.

Do you see my boyfriend over there?

For Christmas, I want him to be able to walk.

You can do that, can't you, Santa?

Sure... I'm on it.

- Thank you so much, Santa. - Now we're screwed.

Now, remember, it has to be lush and romantic.

Why?

Because I am very specific when I give a gift.