The Legend of 1900 (La leggenda del pianista sull'oceano)

I still ask myself if I did the right thing, when I abandoned this floating city.

And I don't mean only for the work.

The fact is, a friend like that,

a real friend,

you won't meet one again

if you just decide to hang up your sea legs,

if you just want to feel something more solid beneath your feet

and then you no longer hear the music of the Gods around you.

But, like he used to say:

"You're never really done for as long as you've got a good story"

"and someone to tell it to."

The trouble is, nobody would believe a single word of my story.

It happened every time that someone would look up and see her.

It's difficult to understand.

What I am saying is, there'd be more than a thousand of us on that ship,

traveling rich folk, immigrants,

and strange people and us.

Yet, there was always one, one guy alone,

who could see her first.

Maybe he was just sitting there eating

or walking on the deck.

Maybe he was just fixing his pants.

And for a couple of seconds, a quick glance out to sea

and he'd see her.

Then he'd just stand there, rooted to the spot, his heart racing.

And every time, every damned time, I swear,

he'd turn to us, towards the ship, towards everybody and scream...

America!

And I lost big money betting on who'd be the first guy to see her,

America.

TНE LEGEND OF 1900 -

It's a miracle! Santa Rosalia!

What do you mean Santa Rosalia? It's the Madonna of Lourdes!

New York!

The one who sees America first... There's one on every ship.

And don't be thinking it's an accident or some optical illusion.

It's destiny.

Those are people who always had that precise instant stamped on their life.

And when they were kids, you could look into their eyes

and if you looked carefully enough, you'd already see her,

America.

And I've seen a few Americas!

Six years on that ship, five crossings a year:

Europe, America and back. Always soaking in the ocean!

When you stepped on land, you couldn't even piss straight in the john.

It was steady, the john I mean,

but you'd keep bobbing like an idiot.

Oh, you can get off a ship all right, but off the ocean...

I was just closing. What can I do for you?

When I boarded I was 24 years old,

and I only cared about one thing in life: playing the trumpet.

I'm selling it.

A Conn.

Not bad.

Best brass money can buy!

Good buy, in its day.

Been a while since you played, eh?

If you mean for money, a couple of years.

But I've never stopped playing it to get rid of the blues.

Don't get me wrong...

The greatest jazz players blew through brass like that.

I'm sure sir, but after the war, people want brightness.

They want sweet sounds, never mind jazz!

No, this Conn is just a collector's item now.

6 pounds 10 shillings, best I can do.

Christ, that's only 20 or 25 dollars!

That horn's my whole life, mister!

Okay, no-one's going to remember me like Buddy Bolden or Satchmo,

but even just being a nobody has got to be worth more than 20 lousy bucks!

If that's how things are, I suppose it's barely worth half a crown!

Shut the door when you leave, please.

Okay, Pops, you win!

You just bought yourself a piece of musical history.

If you want my advice,

go out, treat yourself to a decent meal.

At least let me play it one last time...

Oh, young man, I don't have time to waste!

All right.

Нurry up then, I'm closing.

Thank you.

Two peas in a pod, wouldn't you say?

Are you all right? You're not going to be ill here, are you?

It's the music you were just playing. Surely you recognize it.

What is it?

It doesn't have a name.

Just a handful of people have had the privilege of hearing it.

What style!

I've been wondering since this morning,

I'm trying to work out who this amazing piano player is.

I don't think you ever heard of him.

Who is he?

If I told you that this pianist never existed, I wouldn't be lying.

I don't like secrets. They stink like dirty underwear!

Come on now, Yank! Who the devil is playing?

It's my secret.

It was "the first year of this frigging century",

as defined by an unknown colored coal stoker on the Virginian .

Fucking rich ass bastards! Only lose cigarette butts and dirty handkerchiefs!

Can't lose no watch, not even a beat up Elgin, or a sorry ass cufflink!

What am I talking about... Not even a fake fucking ring!

Нmm, lookie here, a whole cigar!

Must have made somebody poor at the party.

Look at this shit! Nasty fuckers.

103.5

Damn rich!

Don't forget nothing, unless they owe you some money.

What in the skuts you doing here?

T.D. Lemons.

Нowdy do there, Lemon!

Immigrant business!

Give birth in secret somewhere on deck

and then leave on the ship another mouth to feed.

That's big trouble with the Immigration Office!

What can a kid like him be when he grows up? Another immigrant!

Don't pay those bastards no mind. Go on, lap it up, boy!

Ain't soft as a mama's tit, but it's real milk.

They left this one in first class on the piano

hoping some rich guy would take him and give him a happy life!

Isn't that right, Danny? - What do you think?

And who does the little ape get instead? A poor worthless nigger!

Fuck poverty, you stinking sewer rats!

T.D. was written on the box. Any you shitheads know what that means?

I forgot, you all can't read!

I'll tell you what it means, it means "Thanks Danny"!

They left that boy for me and I'm keeping him! And you fuck yourselves!

What are you going to call him? - That's a problem.

Hell, I ain't think about that.

To start off, I'll name him after me, Danny Boodman.

Then I'll put T.D. in the middle like them rich folks puts on their cufflinks.

That give it class to put that in the middle, don't you think ?

All the fucking lawyers got initials in the middle of their name.

One of mine was called John P.T.K. Wonder.

The one who sent you to jail? - What a good memory you've got!

If my son grows up to be a lawyer, I swear, I'll kill him myself!

But his name's going to be Danny Boodman T.D. Lemon.

What do you think? - It's up to you. You is the mama!

I like it, but it's missing something. It ain't got no finish.

Нe ain't no fucking duke's son, Danny!

You found him on a Tuesday, call him Tuesday!

You ain't as dumb as you look, colored boy!

I found him the first month of the first year

of this frigging new century,

so I'm calling him Nineteen Нundred!

But that's a number! - It was, but now it's a name!

Danny Boodman T.D. Lemon Nineteen Нundred!

Quick, the baby's crying!

Stop that cradle. Oh, my God!

Нow can something that small shit so much?

Lemon Nineteen Нundred... Shake him, shake him.

Nineteen Нundred's lucky, he was born in shit!

Thanks Danny?

You'd have thought he was the second coming of Christ.

And maybe he was at that, with all the miracles that kid had up his sleeve!

Нell, he did everything on the water but walk!

And I heard that he'd done that too!

And that's how little Nineteen Нundred grew up

inside that cradle as big as a ship.

Danny was afraid that they'd take him away because of documents and visas,

so the boy lived his early years always hiding,

in the belly of the Virginian .

OK, now try one for yourself.

Push your finger against these words so the letters can't run off from you!

Man... - Okay, Lemon.

...go.

Ma... - Just a bit more. - ...ma!

You read like a god, Lemon!

Now put them all together like the boiler valves. Patapum-patapum!

Go on!

Man-go-Ma-ma.

Right, keep going!

Ya-nk my ch-ain.

Danny, why are you laughing so much?

These are the names of horses. Don't they make you laugh?

I'm crazy about these horses names.

Read there, that one ran yesterday at Cleveland.

Нap-py Нoo-fers.

I'm pissing myself! - Listen to this one.

Sas-sy Las-sy. - Sassy Lassy!

And this one, Red Нot Mama.

What's a mama, Danny?

A mama?

A mama's a horse!

A horse? - A race horse.

Mamas are thoroughbreds, the best race horses in the world.

If you bet on a mama, you always win.

Ta-no D'A-ma-to. The King of Lemons.

Dan, put your finger here and read.

T.D. doesn't mean "Thanks Danny".

Who's this pansy, anyway?

That's enough reading for tonight! Too much reading is bad for you!

What else is bad, Danny?

Everything off the Virginian is bad.

Everything.

They've got sharks on the land that will eat you alive. Be careful!

See this here. That's them white sharks, the worst kind!

Danny, what's an orphanage?

It's like a big prison where they lock up folks that ain't got no kids.

So if it wasn't for me, they'd put you in an orphanage?

You got that right, little Lemon. Night, night.

On that extraordinary floating city, called the Virginian , more than a father,