Crowded

Previously on "Crowded"...

- Where's your mother now? - Oh, she left when I was a kid.

It's nice having one of those older ladies

in the house who takes care of you.

Do you think maybe what you're really missing

is your own mother?

Hey, Mom.

It's, uh, Mike.

If you get this, please give me a call.

Thanks for letting me tag along

for the traffic report, Mike.

Oh, very excited to meet Guy in the Sky.

His first name is Guy. That's why that works.

Thanks for the breakdown.

I don't get what the big deal is... he's just traffic.

Oh, traffic is the only news that actually matters.

Somebody died? What can I do about it?

Local elections? Who cares?

But Guy in the Sky gives you news you can use.

Hey, that's good. Write that down, Mike.

Mike, it's Jim from the news desk.

Guy should be there momentarily.

Thanks, Jim.

Hey, Guy.

Hey, Mike.

There's the great man.

What's up? You don't look so good.

I really tied one on last night...

And also this morning.

I need to lie down for a bit.

That's not good.

So Dad's mom never called him back?

No, and I feel guilty, because I'm the one

who pushed him to call her.

I just wish there was some way we could get in touch with her,

at least find out if she got the message.

Why don't we track her down?

That's a great idea.

I've watched so much "Catfish,"

I know exactly how to find people.

And I can tell you if it's really Dad's mom

or a gay guy in Indiana.

We'll pursue leads and analyze data,

like Nancy Drew...

slim and attractive,

popular without trying.

Maybe I'll find my own Ned Nickerson.

And he'll worry about me, because I'll be searching

for clues in hidden caves and abandoned mills.

But after I crack the case, oh, he'll scold me,

but I'll know how proud he is by his kiss.

Come back, Shea.

I don't want to.

Let's do it.

Let's find your dad's mom,

But don't tell him. We don't want to get his hopes up.

And, Alice, you can't tell Bob.

Oh, I tell him very little.

I treat him like a stranger.

Keeps it hot.

And I'd say, after being rescued from the fire,

that was one hot dog.

- Good one, Jim. - Thanks, Heidi.

And now, with the traffic, let's go to Guy in the Sky.

Guy.

Guy, wake up. Guy!

Oh, God, the red light's on.

Everything okay up there, fellas?

Well, uh, see, Guy is, uh...

Uh, Guy is, uh, temporarily unavailable,

but, uh...

I'm Bob Moore,

here with my son, Mike,

and we are...

the Pair in the Air.

- What the hell are you doing? - The traffic.

We can do this.

Jim, I'm looking down at the 5,

and if you're on it, you're screwed.

Looks like there's an accident.

Figures, it's a German car...

from the bastards who brought you Hitler.

No offense to our German viewers.

Uh, yeah, Dad, they've brought us

lots of wonderful things...

Gummi Bears, Heidi Klum, Detlef Schrempf.

Remember when he played for the Sonics?

Sure, the white one.

Don't get me started on the Sonics.

Why did they ever leave us?

Dad, let it go. That was ten years ago.

So? Your mother left me 40 years ago,

and I'm still pissed about that,

and I vowed if I ever got on TV,

I would use this forum to make a statement.

Screw you, Linda.

I'm sure that's all super helpful

to all the people in the cars down there.

Okay, fine.

There's an accident on the 520,

so better take the 405.

I used to be a cop,

and there's never speed traps there.

Trust me, you can do 100.

Yep, that'll stop all the accidents.

I'm just saying...

I knew a guy who got a hand job doing 120 on the 405.

And he just might be in this copter.

Maybe that's enough for the traffic.

On behalf of Jim, the Channel Ten AccuNews Team...

This is Heidi Lopez-Barrancas.

Hey, Heidi, how come when you say your name,

you get all Spanish-y?

You never hear an Irish anchorman say,

"This is Jimmy McCarthy reporting to you

"from the Potato News Network,

investigating who stole me Lucky Charms, eh?"

For God's sake, someone please cut his Mic.

Ooh, that's them.

Quick, act normal.

Leave it to me. I'm an actress.

Wow. Today's been one normal thing after another.

Not for us.

You guys watch the traffic report on the news?

No one under 70

is gonna say yes to that question.

Well, they will now.

We took over for Guy in the Sky, and we are a hit.

Especially with young men... the most coveted demo.

They love it when we get angry with each other.

All those decades of painful bickering...

worth it.

Oh, my God. You're trending.

Everyone's tweeting about the cranky old racist guy.

I guess that's Grandpa, right?

Of course it's Grandpa!

Well, I can't take all the credit.

I mean, Mike is a fine sidekick.

You're the sidekick. I'm the one flying the chopper.

You're like one of those crotchety old Muppets

up in the balcony.

I'm Kermit.

If you think for one second you are Kermit...

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let's save this for the show.

You got it, partner. How about a beer?

Oh, no, you guys should go out.

I bet somebody recognizes you and buys you a beer.

She's right. We should go meet our public.

Yeah.

Let 'em know it's all for them.

Show them that fame hasn't gone to our heads.

Later, ladies, from Bob Moore at the Door.

Ooh, that's a good one.

I'm freestyling.

Okay, let's get back to work.

So we know that Mike's Mom

is going by the name "Linda Davis,"

and we've narrowed it down to four possibilities.

I wish we knew what she looked like.

Bob got rid of all the pictures of her,

but I might have a lead on Linda number two.

I hope it's Linda number three.

I Zillowed her house, and it's worth $4 million.

She sounds nice.

She's just rich.

I've been taking care of you since you were little.

Yeah, but New Grandma can take care of me

the rest of my life, so...

Guys, I got her.

I found Grandpa's old address book in the attic.

I called an old neighbor.

She was dead, so I called another old neighbor...

also dead...

as was the third neighbor.

Shea, skip the dead people.

Anyway, the seventh neighbor

remembered Dad's mom moving to Rainier Valley,

which checks out with the address of...

Linda number one.

Great work, Shea.

I Nancy-Drew'd the heck out of it.

Of course, if I were Nancy Drew,

I'd jump in my blue roadster and go see Ned.

He'd be so proud of me.

We'd hug, and then he'd throw me on his bed

and rip my clothes off.

Shea.

Sorry. It's been a while.

- Let's go. - Yeah.

Wow. We could be meeting

the woman Bob loved before me.

Our grandmother.

What if she looks like me?

What if I'm about to see my face, but old?

Guys, we shouldn't do this.

Please let me be better than her.

Please let me be better than her.

Yes.

Hi. Are you Linda Davis?

Uh, that depends.