Gabby Duran and the Unsittables

From that day on,

I haven't been able to look at roast chicken without crying.

That's so funny.

Actually, it was really traumatic.

What are you looking at?

Hey, Wesley.

Hi, I don't think we've met.

I've been out of school doing charity in Africa.

- I'm Jace. - I'm Scabby.

Go nice to meet you.

No. I'm Gabby. So nice to meet you.

Um, Gabby?

Let go of his elbow.

Anyway, I'm passing out flyers

for the volunteer program "Big Buddies."

An organization where big kids get to mentor little kids.

- Ooh, sounds pretty... - He was talking to me.

We're having a field day event this weekend.

Hey, you guys should come.

Maybe it'll inspire you to be Big Buddies yourselves.

Well, I have a petite frame,

so I don't know how big I could be.

Yeah.

Okay then. I'm off to lunch to put some yum-yums in my tum-tum. Ciao.

I get hungry too! We're so alike.

What is happening to me?

Uhh... I'm no expert but...

I think you might have a crush.

So explain to me again why we need to steal

a piece of Jace's hair.

Because I don't get crushes, okay?

I'm not that girl.

And if I'm acting like I have a crush,

that can only mean one thing.

Jace is an emotion-manipulating alien.

Or you just have a very normal human crush.

Like me and that pretty cartoon horse

that sells insurance on TV.

Yeah, well, I don't.

And once I get Jace to admit what he's been doing,

I am going to kill him, because this feels awful.

Wesley: Awful? Like awful how?

You saw me over there.

My stomach started flopping around.

My tongue got all thick.

And it felt like someone took my skin and replaced it

with some sort of really uncomfortable skin-like suit.

That just sounds like regular human emotions, Gabby.

No way. Not for me.

So I'm gonna get a piece of his hair for Swift's orb to analyze

to prove he's an alien and this isn't me.

You in or out?

Yeah, I'm in.

You're lucky I'm such a sucker for hijinks.

Okay, you distract him. I'll get the hair.

All right. On it.

Hi, Jace. Do you like food?

If so, why?

Please, talk to me for a long time.

What a great question.

Food and I go way back.

It all started with my mother's milk.

Hi, Gabby. What's up?

- Not my heart rate. - (rapid thumping heartbeats)

Hey, can I comb you?

I really don't think that...

This isn't weird.

Wow, you're popping right into my personal bubble here.

Principal Swift: Gabby.

Might I speak with you?

Why were you assaulting Jace's hair?

You do know there's a thing called consent?

Also, his hair is already utter perfection.

It is, isn't it?

Smells like coconut mixed with that moment you realize you wake up

three hours before your alarm and you still have so much time to sleep.

You know?

Gabby, are you ill?

You're flush, sweating, and talking nonsense.

- I'm fine. - Really?

Because I can literally hear your heart pounding from here.

Look, you caught me at a weird time, that's all.

I'm trying to figure out if Jace is an alien.

Well, you could have just asked me.

After all, I know all the aliens in Havensburg.

So, Jace is an alien?

Oh, no. Heavens, no. He's as human as they come.

So, wait...

then I just feel the way I feel?

No, that can't be.

Oh, Gabby, you're talking cray-cray.

I was going to give you a babysitting assignment,

but with the way you're acting, I'm not sure

you're up to the task.

No, Swifty, I'm good. Just give me the gig.

Fine. You'll be watching Kali,

an 8-year-old girl from the planet Gwargwar.

Now, I will warn you she comes

from a war-ridden, savage world.

So she may be a tad intense.

Hello!

Anyone home?

Hello, hello?

I'm here to...

watch Kali.

Kali: Wrong.

I'll be watching you.

Jeremy, I have awful news.

You realized that the guy who was waving at you yesterday

was really waving at the guy behind you.

He was? No.

There is something wrong with Gabby.

Now when I saw her earlier, she was acting very strangely.

So, I internet'd her symptoms

and according to my research,

Gabby might be in something called "love."

I hate it. What does it mean?

Well, apparently, love is a human emotional state.

To help us understand it better,

I've rented the educational documentary

Love Is In The Air.

Ow.

Comfort is for weaklings.

What are you doing in my bag?

Checking for weapons.

Don't touch that!

"I love Jace Duran."

Who's Jace Duran?

He's nobody. Nothing.

Clearly, you are frightened of this boy.

- (rapid thumping heartbeats) - Your elevated pulse says it all.

Fear not. I will eliminate him.

Wait. The truth is,

Jace is a boy...

that I have a crush on.

And it's the worst.

I feel like I can't trust my own mind or body anymore.

I'm usually so in control, but now I'm just...

not.

On my planet, when we want to get rid of something,

we crush it.

Usually with a rock.

You know what, Kali? You're right.

I just need to crush my crush.

Excellent. Then we will crush Mr. Jace Duran.

Perhaps with a rock.

No. I meant I'm just gonna figure out a way to stop liking him.

Jeez. After this, we're going to the spa,

'cause you need to relax.

Let's push the limits of our taste buds

as we embark on a salsa journey

ranging from mild to "burn your tongue off."

- Shall we begin? - Good luck to you, sir.

Mmm, tangy,

but got nothing on mi abuela's.

So about my... situation with Jace,

Your crush?

Call it whatever you want, I need to get rid of it.

Mm. I need your help brainstorming.

Not a problem. My brain is at your disposal.

Mm.

Notes of earth, fire, and...

hint of back sweat.

- Not bad. - Okay, how about this?

We buy him a one-way ticket to Italy.

The pasta's so good, he'll never want to come back.

Arrivederci, crush.

Or you could just tell him how you feel.

Don't be dumb. What if he doesn't like me back?

Oh.

Lots of 'peños in this one.

Honestly, Gabby...