Monster Beach

CHIRPS

CHUCKLES Dean: Hey, that's me! Dean.

Dropping in on the wave of my dreams!

The most perfect thing I've ever seen.

Sa-weet! I'm even better than I really am! I could go pro!

Wait, my sister? What gives Jan? This is my dream! Look out, goofy foot!

Whoa! Focus, focus!

No!

COUGHING Wiped out.

Why can't I just be a great surfer? What am I missing?

Why can't I just... Why can't I just... SNORES

Why can't you just stop snoring, goofy foot!

Ah! Hey, Jan. Are we there yet?

Duh. That's why I woke you up.

Get my board!

I'm not your slave. And don't flick my lobe!

COUGHING

Look, That must be the way to the beach!

Jan: "Beach closed. Dangerous undertow. Treacherous riptide.

High waves. Stinging jellyfish. No swimming, no surfing, no fun. Get lost."

SIGHS Really, Dean?

This is where you wanna spend our Summer Vacation?

I think I'd rather be stuck at work with Mum.

Why didn't you choose to go to Fiji with our cousins?

Because Uncle Woody is fun. And it was my turn to pick!

Besides, it's gotta be fake. You know Uncle Woody,

and the locals put that there to keep the non-surfers out.

And where's Uncle Woody, Dean? He was supposed to meet us.

Relax Jan. You know what Woody's like.

He's probably waiting for us on the other side anyway.

See? It's safe. Don't be such a chicken, Janny.

I bet you wouldn't be such a chicken if Ritchie O'Donnell was here!

SQUAWKING

Oh! You're dead meat! SCREAMING

See? I told you it was safe. CRASHES

Ow! Hey, Check it out.

DOOR OPENING Hello? Anybody home?

I think it's the maid's decade off.

It's creepy.

This whole place is creepy.

Argh! SCREAMS

Keep that ugly thing away from me!

Relax, Jan. It's just a tiki souvenir.

I found a whole stack of them back there. Put it back, Dean!

Sheesh, you need to lighten up, sis.

GRUNTS

DOOR OPENING

PANTING

Surf City Announcer: Welcome to Butterfield's Surf City!

It's a like a day at the beach with all the comforts of home!

In Surf City you can ride a radical wave without getting wet!

Get brown as a nut while you're eating at the Tan-n-Taco! MUNCHING

Sit on the beach and wax your board in air-conditioned comfort!

Learn to speak "surf-cool"

with our founder, Francis B Butterfield, the third!

Butterfield: "Hit the beach!" "Bo-dacious, dude." "I'm the Big Kahuna!"

CRYING

Hodad: Well, Mr. Butterfield, sir, it looks like another record-breaking day...

at Surf Cit... I'm bored.

Er, excuse me, sir? This is all boring. I'm bored.

You're bored and most importantly, Hodad, They're bored.

I'm bored, sir? Boring, Hodad. You're boring.

How many resorts have I now built, Hodad?

Er, with the grand opening of Surf City Kyrgyzstan next month, Sir,

I believe that makes forty-three! CHUCKLES

And what would one find different about those forty-three parks?

Well, we do find we need a higher lifeguard to patron ratio...

at Surf City Tibet, Sir. You're not hearing me, Hodad.

Do you know who they have minding the playground at Wonderland Beijing?

Bears. ROARS SCREAMING

Look, this whole Bogus surfer thing is a license to print money,

but they are getting bored, Hodad.

Market expectations are changing, people want... Bears?

What? No! Something different.

And you are gonna go find it for me. GASPS

I am, sir? Because I don't do well in warm weather climes,

I'm very susceptible to heat rash and my allergies.

Something different. Somewhere different!

GASPS

Ever heard of Iki-Iki island, Hodad? Er...

Neither have I, Hodad, neither have I.

RIBBITS

Dean: Uncle Woody'll be here.

Jan: You said that two hours ago.

And an hour ago. And half an hour-- CHUCKLES

VROOMS

Jan! Dean!

How are you, grommets?

I thought you were coming in tomorrow.

Jan thought you'd forgotten us. GRUNTS You're such an embarrassment.

Stop flicking me! CHUCKLES No way!

How could I forget my favorite little gromms, man? I just had to er....

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Dudes, it's just I live on island time.

Let's roll out to the ol' surf shack. TIRES SCREECHING

Local point of interest, over to the left, you'll see...

Uh, I've never seen that before.

Okay, over to the right, the local campground.

Where people camp, uh, on the ground.

GASPS This island is trashed!

Who would live in a place like this?

HOWLING

What was that? Ah, it's just some of the locals, man,

they like to burn a bit of rubber now and again. Don't worry about that.

CHUCKLE

You live in a shack. It's an actual shack.

Sa-weet! I've always wanted to live in a cubby!

Hey, this ain't ya ordinary shack, little lady. It's totally pimped!

I mean its got ummm... tennis courts. Private gymnasium.

I don't really have time to get in there as much as I'd like to these days.

Oh, and over there the pool moi amigos... GROANS

Yeh yah, probably time for its spring clean, dudes.

And this, this is the "Pièce de résistance."

CHUCKLES That's Spanish for awesome. DOOR OPENING

Super sweet! But don't put the boards away!

Let's go down and surf the break!

Actually I was wondering if you could give me a few pointers. It's been a while.

Uh, well, grommets, the beach, is, uh, it's dangerous.

Bad surf. Ha! You're nuts!

I can see the break from here. Yeah, looks really great!

No! Stay off that beach!

But the beach is the whole reason we came here.

LAUGHING I'm sorry, gromms.

Monster, I mean "Mondo" Beach, is bogus. It's a bad break.

CHUCKLES Enough with my angry face.

There's a great beach on the other side of the island.

I'll take you there tomorrow.

Who needs grindage? How 'bout some of my classic surfer burritos?

Oh! The ones with fresh pineapple and mango salsa? Bring it on!

Monster Beach?

HOOTING

SNORING

CHUCKLES

SNORES

Jan? You awake?

GRUNTS What gives, goofy foot?

Shhhh! I think Uncle Woody just snuck out.

HOOTING

This place sucks. I've been bitten by every bug on the island.

Why couldn't you have chosen FIJI!

Check out the break! Huh?

Wow. Why wouldn't he let us surf here? It's the best I've ever seen.

Let's find him and ask.

HUMMING

LICKING GROWLS

SCREAMING

Hey kid, so nice to meet ya Hey kid you're as white as a sheep

You got to look at your face says you never see the place like this

LAUGHING Hey, kids Don't go where he said

Come here Ain't you the sweetest

The moon is bright It's a beautiful night

I'll take you down to the sand if you take my hand

LAUGHING Never gets old, that one.

Monster beach We got some out-of-towners

Monster beach Mighty glad you're here

It's been a while since we did our welcome speech

CHUCKLES Monster beach #

Where the living's easy Monster beach

Even though it's queezy

Monster beach

Say you need a place to unwind

If you got a lot on your mind

It's great therapy You should have seen me before

GROWL If you are chasing advice #

Come on, go surfing with us And if you come for a dip

It's a monster's rip You better know how to swim

You don't want to be savedby him LAUGHING

Monster beach It's a hidden treasure

Monster beach We got lots of leisure

Come have some mouth-watering treats

Eat! Monster beach

Monster beach What he said

Welcome to our Monster Pacific Even the plank is monster-ific

Please come hang here We're terrific and free

Monster beach

LAUGHING That was awesome.

DOOR OPENS Rommets? You here?

RUMBLING

Stay back, Surf Monster! You won't eat me! Here, eat my sister.

Chillax. Nobody's getting eaten.

I don't think. No, no eating.

Anyway, we need to talk.

GRUNTS This vacation just gets better and better.

So, let me get this straight. You own a beach full of monsters who like to surf?

You know, "monster" has such a negative connotation.

Yeah, cuz they're monsters! They eat people!

Fiji doesn't have any monsters!

Yeah, look man, I was hoping you'd sorta warm-up to the whole monsters...

at the beach thing.

It's pretty cool, actually.

Really it's more hot. Tropical and all.

But hey, you should get to know them! They're good people.

Well, they're not really people.

Anyone who surfs can't be all bad.

Unless they want to eat your brain! CHUCKLES

They don't eat brains. Mutt was scared to death of you guys.

Folks see monsters and form mobs chase 'em out of town.

They're usually not treated very well by, you know, normal dudes.

That's okay. We're not normal.

And not everyone normal is a dude, man.

Look, I wanted a nice, relaxed vacation at a resort that has room service.