Swiss Army Man

What?

Hey.

Hey. Hey! Hey, you okay?!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Please.

Please don't be dead. You okay?

Hello. Hey. Hey.

Hey, you okay?

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Please don't be dead. Come on.

Oh. Uh...

And two. Breathe.

Holy shit.

Heh. That was funny.

Heh. That was really funny.

You know, I...

I had always hoped that right before I die...

my life would flash before my eyes and I would see wonderful things...

A life full of parties and friends and...

and how I'd learned to play the guitar,

and... and maybe there'd even be a girl.

But as I was hanging up there...

I didn't really see much of anything.

But I did see you.

And I know... I know it sounds dumb, but I...

I really thought for a moment that...

that maybe, just maybe there was a reason that you...

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Wait! Wait for me! Wait for me!

Go! Go! Go!

Whoo!

Cheese puffs?

Ahh!

Ahh!

Hello, world!

My name is Hank Thompson,

and I've been stranded out on an island in the Pacific all alone!

And this man,

this man saved me from the brink of death

when he allowed me to ride him like a jet ski,

propelled by his f...

How did you do that?

Maybe... Maybe your...

your gases built up from decomposition

and maybe your soul leaving you?

Why am I talking to you?

Please work.

Hello, world.

I'm sorry.

I gotta go.

Hello!

Hello.

Help!

Oh. You see that?

There's gonna be people there.

They're gonna feed us and take care of us.

Everybody's gonna want to hear our story,

and I'm gonna be all buff from carrying you around.

Ohh. That's not funny.

Hello?

Help.

Help!

Man, it's always the song that you hate

that gets stuck in your head.

Uh, sorry.

You can't sleep either?

My mom used to sing this song to me when I couldn't sleep

so I wouldn't overthink things, but I don't remember the words.

Let me eat you.

Ahh!

Huh? Come on!

Somebody help!

You're... you're just laying there like a disgusting, useless sack of shit.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have to go.

Thanks for your help, kind of.

Why?

No. No, no, no. No.

No, you asshole. Stop it.

Ohh! Ahh!

Water! Water!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Okay.

Ah, you're the grossest thing in this gross world.

Wait. No.

No, please. Please.

Please, I'm sorry. Please don't stop.

What?

Mah... ehh.

Mahn... ehh.

Manny?

Is that your name?

Mahn... ehh.

Hi, Manny. I'm Hank. Um...

Hhh... nk.

Hiiii.

Hi.

Huh... luh.

Hello.

- Hello... - Hel... lo...

- Hank. - Hank.

That's very good.

I...

Come on. Talk to me, buddy.

Stop mumbling, please.

Talk to me. Please. Speak up, Manny.

How do you expect anyone to want to talk to you if you sound retarded?

I sound like my dad.

I'm sorry.

Hey. I didn't mean that.

Hey, you talk however you want.

You can mumble, look at your feet all day long.

Okay, buddy?

Okay, buddy.

Uhh!

Hi.

Hello.

Why did you hit me? Hey.

Why did you hit me?

I'm sorry. I...

I thought you were dead.

Am I dead?

I don't think so. You're talking.

But I sound retarded.

No, no, you sound great.

D-don't say that word. I didn't...

I'm a useless...

- sack of shit? - No, man.

Hey.

No. No, I didn't mean that.

I was being an asshole.

I'm not a sack of shit?

No, you're amazing.

You're... You're a miracle, or...

or I'm just hallucinating from starvation.

Uh-oh.

This is... This is crazy.

Hey, hey, hey. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop singing.

You weren't supposed to hear that.

Oh, I like that. Singing.

Okay, can you remember anything about before, y-your life?

How you got here? Where we are?

How you saved me?

- Anything? - Hey, what is that?

Oh, that, no. I...

Don't worry... Don't worry about that.

What's important is that we find a way to get home.

Okay. I'm trying to remember.

What is home?

This is from home.

It's normally full of these things called cheese puffs.

Okay.

Um, sometimes, um, your fingers would be coated in orange after eating it.

And your mom probably told you to wash your hands,

but I bet you'd just lick it off when she wasn't looking.

- Anything? - What?

What?

Wait. Wait, what's supposed to happen?

I don't know. I thought...

thought maybe I could tap into some sense memory or something,

and, bam, the... the hairs would stand up on the back of your neck,

And your heart would start pounding as it all rushes back to you,

everything you left behind. Your jaw hangs open.

The camera pushes in.

Cue the music.

- You remember "Jurassic Park"! - What?

You were just singing the theme song.

Laura Dern, the brachiosaurus.

I don't know "Jurassic Park."

You remember the song.

Manny...

if you don't know "Jurassic Park," you don't know shit.

This is from home, where all the other people are.

This is from home, where all the other people are.

- Why is it out here now? - Oh, it's trash.

It's everything people don't want, so we hide it.

Why don't people want it anymore?

Well, that's broken.

That's empty.

This is useless.

Smelly. Om.

How'd you get so far from home?

I... I ran away, but that's...

It doesn't matter. That's...

What's important is you remembering your life.

Okay. What is life?

Uh, okay.

This is you.

This is your body,

and... and that's where your brain is,

and that's where you're going to remember something.

Humans have evolved over millions and millions of years to be this way.

- Yeah! - We do all this stuff,