B-Boy Blues

It's Mitchell.

- I can pick you up in 10 minutes.

I told you I wasn't going.

- The weather is just right.

I got the Belgian chocolates you love

and full use of the yacht.

Livingston, it's over.

- It doesn't have to be, come on.

- It's not normal to have to schedule an appointment

to see your boyfriend with his assistant

or find said assistant on all fours.

- I love you so much, Mitch,

and I wanna change.

I'm headed to therapy.

I'm going there now.

- Listen, Liv, I'm proud of you for going to therapy.

You know, as black men, it's important that we act...

Are you on Jacked?

What?

- Are you on motherfucking Jacked right now

as you're pouring your fake ass heart out to me?

- Here come crazy jealous Mitch again.

You know what?

I'm tired of being the bad guy.

I got multiple degrees, seven figures,

and a 9.1-inch dick, and you're still not satisfied?

I think it's best we take some time apart.

You raggedy ho!

You can't take time apart

from somebody who already broke with you!

But you know what you can do?

Take your dick, your bank, your cottage, your yacht,

and your assistant and shove it up your fucking ass

if you already haven't.

Love.

What is love?

We write about it, dream about it.

Is it an emotion, a feeling?

Is it even real?

Love.

It can make you feel like

there's nothing in this world you can't conquer,

but that same love will wrap you up

and take over your entire existence.

I've been there.

So although I love love more than anyone you'll ever meet,

I've decided to take a love sabbatical.

I wonder if the same gender-loving greats before me

had to deal with this bullshit, these trifling mother...

Let me stop.

Anyway, I digress.

My career and my bank account will thank me later.

So do me a favor.

Don't play that song for me because my house is a home

but love don't live here anymore

because it's all about control, and I got lots of it.

So tell me about this cover.

- Well, since we're doing the feature on TV families,

why not a hodgepodge of stills from those already discussed?

- Mm-mm, that's not an original way to package the issue.

The TV feature is just one element.

When readers see our cover,

do we want them to say, "That's me and my family,"

or, "I love that show."

- Marketing will have an easier time

selling I love that show.

Sell it to who?

We aren't TV Guide.

- Michi, let's continue the search on yours, all right?

Gordon, you know what to do.

I'll get right on it.

- It certainly pays to have a father

who plays golf with the head white man in charge.

- You have been hanging around me too long.

I just pray the head white man in charge doesn't fire me

after we tell him

that we can't keep Gordon after this summer.

- Please, you know the legacies always have a place to land.

That part,

I don't wanna say anything while Gordon was down here,

but I secured Bey and Solange for the Chloe and Halle cover!

Oh, get the fuck out!

- This will coincide with Chloe's acoustic album,

Halle's mermaid release.

And the fact that we have

Bey and Solange interviewing them.

- Black girl magic to the fourth power.

Let 'em know.

I have 13 weeks to pull this all together.

We're talking next level, Michi.

No doubt.

Look, I see VP in somebody's future.

Your lips to God's ears.

Lord knows we need more melanin in senior positions here.

- Well, no other editor has risen as quickly.

These hoes ain't pullin' 16-hour shifts like you.

The head white man in charge may even invite you to tee off.

Hell, no.

- They ain't teeing off with your black ass.

Yeah.

It's Mitchell.

You don't say.

Are you going to the vineyard?

Well, hello, Gene.

So happy to hear your voice too.

And no, you know I'm not.

After all that drama,

a weekend getaway is the least he can treat you to.

- If I went, I would just be leading him on.

- Even more reason for you to go.

That smug-ass snot needs a taste of his own medicine.

And besides, you haven't been outside your apartment

or your office in months.

- I am literally outside as we speak.

Don't make me hurt you.

You need to go out.

I'm not talking about a lunch break.

Tonight is Thirsty Thursdays at Alibi.

Gene, let me run.

That's the office.

See you tonight at nine.

Ciao.

This is Mitchell.

- Mitchell, there's a package here

that I need your signature for.

Just sign for me.

Uh-uh.

Normally, I would,

but you'll wanna sign for this one yourself.

Michi, what's wrong with you?

Stop smoking that stuff at work.

It's a big ass package.

- What are you talking about?

I don't even understand.

Big ass package.

A what?

It's a big ass package!

You can wait over there.

- Yeah, I don't even know.

Yeah.

They got me waiting for a dude to sign for it.

I don't know.

She was mad insistent though.

I ain't finna wait too much longer.

I got photo shoots going on.

Excuse me.

You have a package for Mitchell Crawford?

- Do you have a package for Mitchell Crawford?

Uh, yeah.

Sign here.

- You ever delivered here before?

A few times.

- I've never seen you before, that's why I asked.

- Guess I get seen when I'm supposed to get seen.

- Sometimes you find love

in the most unlikely place with the most unlikely person.

- You didn't see that cutie

staring at you outside?

Of course I did.

So why didn't you follow up?

It is too early in the game

with all these fine ass spe-ci-menz to choose from.

Mmm.

Mmm mmm mmm.

The usual?

Of course.

Grab our spot.

I'll be back, bitch.

That's right, we have our own spot.

Gene's been holding court for over 20 years.

Me?

Just over six.

Let me save this ho.

It's about time you got here.

So sorry, James, he's with me.

Uh, thanks for that.

- You can thank me in about a minute

with another one of these.

Your first time here, huh?

Yeah, you can tell?

- It's written all over your face,

and that outfit.

What's wrong with my outfit?

- Love the shirt, although ill fitted.

Like the hair, hate the pants.

But that conversation cannot be had further

without a refill.

What are you drinking?

Long Island iced tea.

And what's your name?

- Eugene Roberts, but everyone calls me Gene

or head bitch in charge.

And I am Mitchell Crawford.

- Nice to meet you, bitch.