Witless

What's going on? We've had a call about that lad.

His mum's had a text from him.

Are you stupid?!

Get me out of here!

I do know something.

Well, go on, then. I'll give you the name...

..for a grand.

I'm pregnant.

Are you OK?

You're definitely sure?

Yes.

I did this.

A line means pregnant.

Oh, Leanne.

Uh, Leanne?

Mm?

Nothing.

And I do believe you will see him again.

Probably as a butterfly.

Yeah.

Right. Let's figure out how we get this gun on Whelan.

Rhona,

Patrick's had some bad news.

An old friend of his, very sad to say,

passed on to the next world.

Oh. Sorry to hear that, Patrick.

Thanks. It's fine. I haven't seen him in a long time.

Hey, shh.

When she says, "old friend,"

does that mean a kind old man who taught you chess,

or are we talking...

You know...

Gang banger? Rhona!

No, it's fine, it's fine.

Yeah, he was.

He had a kid, as well. Oh, God.

It's not right.

It's just not right.

Patrick...

Do you want me to sing Angels by Robbie Williams again?

Well, this is all the more reason why we need to figure out

how we get this gun on Willy Whelan.

I just don't see how it can be done.

Well, couldn't you arrange some sort of meeting with him, Patrick?

And then what?

Put it in his...pocket?

If you want to see Willy Whelan, you have to go to his pub.

He's got a pub? Well, that's perfect.

We can just nip round for a couple of swift halves,

and hide it in a nook.

It's not a pub you can just go to.

It's not a Toby Carvery.

Can we just turn up and say we're pub inspectors?

We might get a couple of free drinks.

That's not bad, you know. Environmental health.

Spot inspection. No, he'd think it was the police fitting him up,

he's madly paranoid about that.

We're chimney sweeps, roaming the country from town to town.

The problem with all of this is Whelan gave the gun to me.

If it turns up at his house, I'm dead.

Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, that is a head-scratcher.

I'm going to take a shower.

Hang on, hang on.

You want a grand of my fucking money?

Listen, she's got the name of this guy,

the boyfriend, and I reckon that this guy is Charlie Little Pockets.

So fucking make her talk!

We don't fucking pay fuckers.

This woman is a piece of work, I am telling you.

She don't give a shit.

If we don't give her the money, she ain't going to talk, end of.

Fuck me.

Everyone's a fucking gangster.

Right, here's what's going to happen.

One Pack is going to get the cash and drop it round at yours.

You are going to get that name,

and you're going to make sure you bring back every fucking penny.

I leave the details of how in your capable hands.

Fucking...

How's it going with your suspect?

Bad. It's not bad.

It's medium.

I'll tell you what, that lawyer is good.

Have you checked the CCTV?

Well, with respect,

I don't think he's going to have bummed him right there in the shop.

No, but I mean in terms of how the phone got there. Oh.

I mean, presumably, a lot of people are in and out of that shop all day.

That's what his lawyer said. Shut up, Naysmith.

Oh, I'm going to go and get some Nik Naks.

Yeah?

Right, say what you just said.

What if we made it look like a police fit-up?

A police fit-up!

Cos you said he was paranoid about the police fitting him up.

Yeah.

So, what if we made it look like they'd taken the gun from you...

Then we planted the gun in Whelan's house,

tip off the police with the exact location...

So then... So then the police raid his house

and very, very quickly find the gun.

What does that look like?

Like they brought the gun with them.

Yes! Like they stole the gun off you, and used it to fit him up.

Yeah, and how are you going to make it look like the police took the gun?

Well, you said they came round the other day.

Maybe they came back with a warrant, searched the place?

No, they did that, it would be off books.

They wouldn't come with a warrant.

But...

What if we made it look like someone broke in,

ransacked the place and took the gun?

I go to Whelan, tell him what happened,

and he figures out it was the police

when they apparently find the gun on him.

Give him the pieces, but let him put them together himself.

Like a Kinder Surprise.

It's risky, but...

you could have something there.

Hang on. What's that guy doing?

He didn't buy anything, did he? No.

OK, show me that again, would you?

Stop there.

There, can you zoom in on that?

Hello? All right, sunshine.

Do you own a watch?

Yeah. Good, then you've got no excuse for being late, have you?

Big man's got a job for you,

and he's asked for you by name for this one.

Yeah?

Yeah, "Get me Quavers, the lad who likes to get his bollocks out."

Be at The Badger tomorrow morning, 8AM, yes?

Yeah.

This is why we hustle

Every day I'm hustlin'

Every day I'm hustlin'

Every day I'm

Every day I'm

Every day I'm hustlin'

Who you suckers think you're trippin' with?

Yes, I'm the boss.

Delicious.

Thanks, Patrick.

How would you feel about our child learning a musical instrument?

Oh, I'd love that, actually.

I was thinking maybe the saxophone.

He can play jazz, play soft soul.

Patrick, I would be the proudest woman on earth

if our baby were a soft soul saxophonist.

Hey, we should get you a doctor's appointment.

I can get you registered at my local GP.

Want to make sure you've got the right plan in place.

Hello?

Leanne...

Patrick has been so amazing, you know.

I said to him yesterday,

I've had my first baby's name picked out since I was nine years old,

and for better or for worse, it's Pocahontas.

And he just said, if it makes me happy...

..it makes him happy.

Leanne...

Do you know, I knew he'd be a good dad...

..from his attitude to the clitoris.

Er... Right.

Leanne, there's something I've been meaning to tell you...

OK, right, we could have something here.

I could have a way we could plant the gun on Whelan.

Really?

My friend's funeral's on Thursday, and the wake is at Whelan's pub now.

It's far from perfect, but it's an excuse for me to be in The Badger

without it seeming suspicious.

So do you think you could take the gun and stash it somewhere?

I think it needs to go upstairs in his flat, otherwise

it's too easy to blame someone else, if it's just in the pub.

So can you do that?

I want to be in Willy's eyeline at all times.

I don't want him looking back,

thinking, where did Patrick slip off to?

Well, what if Leanne went with you as your girlfriend,

and she slipped off and hid it?

There's going to be a lot of people there.

Even if there is an opportunity, someone might see you.

I've got an idea.

Rhona, do you think you could pull off being Patrick's date?

Yes. OK.

I'll create a distraction for you to hide the gun.

Picture the scene.

A frosty autumn morning,

mist hangs low over a quiet graveyard.

It's a cremation.

Hmm?

Mist hangs low over the car park of a council-owned crematorium.

Something's out there.

Ferns, job for you.

Phone's back from the lab.

Forensics were inconclusive.

I want you to go through everything on that,

make a database. Right.

Texts, contacts, social media, Google searches, the lot. OK.