Smooch

And so it came to pass,

having vanquished the enemies of the king,

the brash and brave young knight,

Flynn of Stewart,

his long journey done, returned home,

with heart wide open,

to free his lady fair.

What mischief be this?

Zounds.

What treachery.

Fear not, milady.

Mmm!

Ohh!

Ohh!

Alack!

Thou hath returned too late.

While you were out warring, Halsey--

My brother.

We're betrothed.

And this is his idea of courtship?

Zounds.

Thou art but bait.

We must away!

We must away!

We must away. Away!

I am not going out that way.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Unhand her, you vain, foppish prig.

By Beelzebub--

Tell me, he doesn't still have you

doing his dirty work.

You know this pitiful creature?

Mm. Our nursemaid.

Always favored Halsey, she did.

The old toady.

I'll give you toady.

Green, green ye shall be

for all eternity

until the purest maiden fair

lays a smooch on thee.

Not again.

Oh, Flynn, why can't you be real?

This is the year Mom meets her mystery knight.

Good night, Mrs. Polansky.

Zoe, I know you can hear me.

Give me my kissy or else.

Or else.

Do you give? Do you give? Do you give? Never.

Okay, okay, okay. Give me it. Gimme, gimme.

Geez, nothing comes between you and your frog man.

Prince, Mom. Frog prince.

Well, it wouldn't hurt you

to spend a little less time with make-believe

and a little more time with math. Come on.

Sure, as soon as you do a little less work

and have a little more fun.

I have all the fun I need to have with you.

Now sleep.

Mommy.

I miss Daddy, too,

but he'd want you to live happily ever after.

You are my happily ever after, Zoe.

Good night, Daddy.

You handsome rascal, you.

When I think of all the hearts sure to break

when they hear their favorite marquis, me,

Percival Summerland, is off the market.

Talking to ourselves again, sir?

At least I don't give me a hard time

over everything, Wilkins.

At least I know my place. Oh.

If you're referring to my reminding you

that a marriage without love-- Oh, stop being so old-fashioned.

Love never goes out of fashion, sir.

Well, tell that to the royal pains in my-- That would be rude

and impudent to offer the Duke and the Duchess.

You have no problem pointing out-- Oh, what, pointing out

your foolishness, Percival? No. None indeed.

Thank you, Wilkins. And thus concludes today's lecture.

Final lecture, sir.

For if you insist on throwing away your future--

I'm not throwing away my future.

I'm surrendering to it.

Oh, you mean resigning, sir? I have one job.

One responsibility, to my family and my title.

I marry someone. The right someone.

And besides, I'm not about to throw away my life

on some antiquated notion of true love.

I'm sorry, Wilkins, but I like my life.

I like doing whatever strikes my fancy.

It's fun.

Fun to toy with the innocent heart of another?

Oh, please. It's an arranged marriage.

Hillary doesn't love me. She barely knows me.

Oh, would you please help me with this?

Sir, just so we're clear,

your persisting in this charade places me in an untenable position.

Meaning what? You'd resign?

You know, somewhere deep inside you,

there's a prince of a man dying to get out.

I just pray that you find him before it's too late.

Mm. Good job, Wilkins.

Naturally, sir.

Marvelous.

And big smiles.

And with the parents, please.

And your hand on his chest

so we can see your engagement ring.

And the ring.

And the ring.

And the ring.

And the ring.

And the ring.

And the ring.

Have you tried the bird, my dear? Divine.

So flavorful on the palate. It better be.

We specified only organic, vegan-fed squab be served.

Is this buckshot? Can you see it, Percy?

My poise? I've been refining it.

Mother says I owe it to our subjects to always look majestic.

After all, we are going to be majesties.

I think the June wedding is highly overrated. Exactly.

Such a plebeian month.

And besides, we spend all our Junes

summering in the south of France.

Of course. We spend ours

at our award-winning vineyards in Napa.

How's your July? Maritime modeling festival.

Top judge this year. August?

International bridge championship. Oh.

Here I took you for a Yahtzee man.

And for our honeymoon, I was thinking of taking in one of our commonwealth countries.

You know, a cute-sounding one, like Papua New Guinea.

I just love the Caribbean.

South Pacific, Hillary. Hmm?

Papua New Guinea's in the South Pacific. Oh.

Better start brushing up on my geography, then.

After all, we are going to carry on your family's grand tradition

and send our children abroad for school.

Think how much fun it'll be to visit them.

It'll be like taking a vacation. Yes.

Well, September it is, then.

That'll give us plently of time to manipulate the media,

a re: our family alliance.

Yet one must remember one's station.

Publicity is for the common people,

and we are never common. But if our sweet babies

spend too much time in Australia,

they might develop an Australian accent,

which I find a little tinny on the ear, don't you?

I mean, it is rather common, right?

An Australian accent, compared to yours?

It's considered common. Because the last thing

we would want to do is raise common children.

Wonder what New Zealand sounds like.

Just stepping out for a bit of fresh air, Henry.

Steady, sir. Bit close for my comfort, given your vertigo.

Here. Let me see to that.

I've got it.

May I be of any other service, sir?

No, Wilkins. You've done enough.

What?

Yo, prom queen. Take a hike.

Okay? If you hurry, you might get to the ball in time to get crowned.

Or we could play a game of arrows,

see who buys the next round of drinks.

You're on, buddy. Good.

And one not even looking.

Ah! Eh voila.

Thank you, thank you. Barkeep, round of drinks for my mateys.

We're low on milk. Check.

And juice. Check.

And celery, carrots, and tomatoes. Check, check.

Very funny, Zoe. Check.

Okay. Homework.

Lunch box.

To the top.

Okay.

Ugh. My-- Keys?

Thank you.

Check.

Mrs. Polansky is making you

pasta with vegetables tonight. I have to work late.

You mean pasta drowning

in another one of her chunky, bland sauces?

Yes. You should eat your vegetables. They're good for you.

And hat on. Mom.

On.

Is that really necessary?

It's a zillion degrees in here.

It's cold and flu season, Mrs. Beeker.

Can't be too careful.

And you'd better be wearing your hat when Mrs. Polansky picks you up.

I don't see you wearing a hat, missy.

Okay, so, Mrs. Polansky will be here at 3.

I'll call you from work. Have a good day.

All right? I love you very much.

Bye. Bye.

Hey, Zoe. Hi, Sam.

Um, you want to be my lab partner?