Risky Business

The dream is always the same.

Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'.

I ring, but nobody answers.

The door is open, so I go inside.

I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there.

- - And then I hear the shower running,

so I go upstairs to see what's what.

Then I see her.

This… girl.

This incredible girl.

I mean, what she's doing there I don't know,

because she doesn't live there, but it's a dream, so I go with it.

"Who's there?" she says.

"Joel," I say.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't know what I'm doing here.

What are you doing here?"

"I'm taking a shower," she says.

Then I give her:

"You want me to go?"

"No," she says.

"I want you to wash my back."

So now I'm getting enthusiastic about this dream.

So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff.

I keep losing her.

Finally, I get to the door…

and I find myself in a room full of kids taking their College Boards.

I'm over three hours late.

I've got two minutes to take the whole test.

I've… just made a terrible mistake.

I'll never get to college.

My life is ruined.

- - All right, here's the game:

Five-card draw with a spit. Anaconda, high-low.

Pass two to the right, one to the left…

Deuces, aces, one-eyed faces wild.

- Guts to open. - So, what happened?

Last night?

That's right, with Kessler.

She was babysitting down the street.

We know that.

So I went over there.

Turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath

and accidentally hit the shower thing.

- All her clothes were drying upstairs. - That could happen.

- That's possible. - Tell me about it.

So she plops down right on the kitchen floor,

under Mr. Coffee,

she looks up at me, and she says:

"I think I'm in the mood."

- She said that? -

- I'm telling you. - What did you say?

I didn't have to say anything.

What'd you do?

What do you think I did?

I think you got the hell out of there, ran home and whacked off.

- -

- Right. - I disagree.

Did you have your bike there?

Yeah.

I think you jumped on your bike, pedaled home and whacked off.

- That's what you guys think, right? - Yeah.

Ride home? With Kessler sitting there on the floor like that, just wanting me?

Yup. Flogged the bishop.

No guts, Goodsen.

Yeah. Only when it came down to it, I just wasn't attracted to her.

That should never stop you.

She seemed too big.

It could've worked out.

I figured I'd have gotten into trouble.

God. Sometimes you gotta say "What the fuck," make your move.

That's easy for you to say.

I mean, you're all set. You're probably going to Harvard.

Me, I don't wanna make a mistake, jeopardize my future.

Joel, you wanna know something?

What?

Every now and then, say "What the fuck."

"What the fuck" gives you freedom.

Freedom brings opportunity.

Opportunity makes your future.

- Miles. - Be right there.

So your folks are going out of town.

Tomorrow.

You've got the place all to yourself?

Yeah.

What the fuck.

If you can't say it,

you can't do it.

Joel, did you get your SAT scores yesterday?

Yes.

Well, how'd you do?

597 Math. 560 Verbal.

If you wanted to, could you take them over again?

- I guess so. - Great.

Joel, I want to show you something.

Honey, did you pack my Mace?

It's in your cosmetic case.

Joel, do you hear something odd?

Something unpleasant?

No.

A preponderance of bass, perhaps?

Uh, no.

Is this the way I left the equalizer?

- No. - No.

This is not some toy for you and your friends.

- - If you can't use it properly,

you're not to use it at all.

My house, my rules.

Joel, I spoke to Bill Rutherford. Turns out he interviews for Princeton.

I'll never get into Princeton.

I already arranged an interview. Friday night, the 4th, at the house.

Aw, Jesus, Dad.

Honey, tell him about your involvement with Future Enterprisers.

They look for that sort of thing.

Right?

There's 50 for food, which should be more than enough,

another 50 for emergencies, and an extra 25 just in case.

Don't forget to water the plants around the patio

and the ficus in the dining room.

I wrote that down. It's on the refrigerator door.

- Dad, want me to start your car? - The car will be fine.

For the battery, I mean.

Please, you're not to use my car. You're not insured for it.

- Use the station wagon. - Use my car, honey.

- Okay. - Joel?

- Do we understand each other? - Okay!

Oh, uh, darling, as far as the house is concerned, just use your best judgment.

You know we trust you.

Have a great time.

Be good.

We will, honey. You too. Mwah.

Bye.

[Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll" playing on stereo]

[crowd cheering & guitar solo playing on stereo]

Can you believe these soggy fries?

These are unbelievable.

- Hey. - Hey.

Guess what.

Dalby got into Harvard.

- Shit. - He must have aced his Boards.

780 Verbal. 765 Math.

Shit.

You know what a Harvard MBA makes, first year?

Forty grand.

I've got a cousin who went into dermatology.

First year, over 60,000.

- Just for squeezing zits? -

Why don't you try it, Barry? You got the experience.

Ooh.

Thank you. You're very kind.

Hey, listen to you guys.

I mean, doesn't anyone wanna accomplish anything?

Or do we just wanna make money?

Make money.

- Just make money. - Yeah.

Make a lot of money.

What about you, Joel?

Serve my fellow mankind.

- Oh, please. -

Get out of here.

Profit motive.

Competition.

Free enterprise.

Is there any company that doesn't have a product in production?

- We're falling behind. - You haven't been helping.

- You wanted to be the production exec. - Bullshit.

Every sales manager I know helps with production.

- Yeah? Like who? - Everyone. Just help with the production.

Forget it. I'm busy enough with marketing and sales.

How can you be busy with marketing and sales

when I haven't even given you the product yet?

Barry, just bring the goddamn thing over tonight.

I didn't wanna do this. I thought it'd look good on my record.

… it's up to you.

- Hi. - Hi, Glenn. What's up?

Uh, I heard your parents were away.

Yeah.

I thought maybe I could borrow a room?

Well, um, Barry is here and we're working.

We won't bother you.

We don't have anywhere to go.

You know how it is.

Sure, go ahead. Take my room.