The Caddy

- Hi. - Hello.

Who'd you come to see?

You!

Oh, that's swell.

What do you people want?

Pictures!

Do we have any pictures?

Well, why don't one of us go see?

Okay, I'll be back in a week.

No, he'll be right back.

He'll be right back.

Here. Look, Joe. You all ready?

All right, now get set.

There they go.

Here they...

I'm all right. I'm all right. Don't worry.

Go get 'em!

- Goodbye. - What a town!

Boy, you'd think we had made the first flight to the moon and back.

And after every show the crowds get bigger.

Yeah, remember when I used to be scared of crowds?

- Yeah. - No more. I like 'em.

- They're only people. - That's nice.

Hark! Someone's knocking at the door.

- Answer it. Answer it. - All righty.

- Oh, hi, Eddie. - Well, hello, Eddie.

What's happened to you?

It took three cops and a squad of ushers to get us into the theater.

Boys, I'd like you to meet Miss Lorelei.

- How do you do? - Hello, Miss Lorelei.

How do you do?

Oh, that's our boy, the biggest agent in town and the easiest laugher.

Here, watch this.

Miss Lorelei, I want you to meet my mom and pop.

- How do you do? - I'd like you to meet my mom and pop.

They ain't here.

Miss Lorelei's doing a story for the American Weekly.

You boys seem to have more fun than the customers.

Oh, we do.

Isn't it wonderful when people love their work?

- The food is ready. - Oh, can I fix you a sandwich?

- No, I'll just take some notes. - That's not very nourishing.

Here, why don't you try some of this terrific corned beef

- and salami and... - Now, about my story...

Oh, yes, well, sit right down here,

and we'll find out just how everything came about.

Now, how long have you been in the business?

- About 12 years. - 12 years. And where were you born?

- Scranton. - Scranton?

Oh, that is a coincidence.

- Were you boys born in Scranton? - No.

Is this your first engagement at the Paramount?

- Oh, I don't work here. - Then what are you doing here?

I came to get an interview from you.

Well, you better hurry up. We're almost on, dear.

- Now, what would you like to know? - Hey, fellows, two minutes.

Two minutes? What happened to the time?

You and Pop, you want to go in the wings and watch the show?

Did you leave the props on the piano in the last show?

- Come on. - I got the horns, Joe.

- What else do we have, we... - We don't use the horns this show.

- Oh, well, hold these, Mama. - Come on, Miss Lorelei, with us.

But I want to know how you boys got together.

- Well, what about it? - Well, what do you expect to do next?

Oh, well we're going to play some more theaters

and keep working, that's all.

- Come on. Jump, jump, jump! - Come on.

This way. Come on through here.

Jump. Come on. Don't be...

- We gotta go on. Jump! - Right.

- Come on, jump off. Come on! - That's a good girl.

- Oh, you 'fraidy cat. - No, no.

What are you afraid of? Well, we're on!

- You enter from that side. - And you enter from that side.

- And are you ready, Mr. Anthony? - I sure am, Mr. Miller.

- Here we go. - Right-o.

So here he is, Harvey Miller.

Hello.

Come on, step to the rear of the bus. We're coming into 34th Street.

I'd like to say how very happy and thrilled we are,

ladies and gentlemen, to be appearing here at the

Paramount Theater,

and how nice it is to see all you nice people.

I could stay out here for hours,

but the Italian street singer is getting old.

So I would like to introduce my buddy, pal and partner, Mr. Joe Anthony.

Here he is.

Don't you want me to sing a song?

Oh, yeah, but I thought you and I could do a song together both.

- Together both? - Yeah, wouldn't that be splendid?

Yeah, that would be peachy.

- Oh, shall we do one? - Yes.

Oh, thank you, Great White Father.

Then it must be Mr. Miller's family has the theatrical background?

No, no, but you ask me, I tell you.

When Harvey is younger,

his papa is number one golf champion in the whole country.

One day it was the final match,

Father and Son Tournament.

Harvey Miller, Sr., wanted his son to be

great golf champion, too, and follow in his footprints. Capisce?

I'll do my best, Dad.

- I'm sorry, Dad. I missed the cup. - That was a great drive, Harvey.

Thank you.

Remember, they're only people.

What's the matter with you? Hit it.

- Those people are staring at me, Dad. - Don't look at them. Look at the ball.

- Look at the ball? - Yes.

- Now, what's the matter? - It looked back.

Now, Harvey, hit that ball.

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it! Hit it!

Now what about your son, Mr. Anthony?

Well, I feel like Harvey's papa.

I want Joe to follow in my footprints.

Jump in, Joe. We're gonna cast off.

Pop, I don't want to fish anymore. I get seasick.

You crazy.

Your grandpapa don't get seasick,

your papa don't get seasick, you don't get seasick.

I don't feel so good already.

But, Joe, we don't leave the dock yet.

Here, you eat something.

- You'll feel better. - Oh, Pop.

You may be the sickest fisherman in the ocean,

but you're gonna be a fisherman.

Look, Pop, you can't treat me like a kid any longer.

I'm grown up.

From now on, I'm gonna stand on my own two feet.

But on dry land!

- Joe! Joe! You come back here! - Joe, Joe.

Four years later, Joe is a big boy, but his sea legs no good.

He wanna try his land legs.

So he leave home to take all kind of job.

He work very hard, but he don't like digging ditch.

Anthony, you're through.

- You sure? - I'm sure.

And the boss is always picking on him.

Joe finally know just what he want to do with life.

I wanna go home to San Francisco. How about it?

Hop in.

He was plenty smart.

In four years, Harvey grow up into a big boy, too.

He hope some day to marry my daughter, Lisa.

But that golf, it was still in his blood.

- What time is it, Mr. Fisher? - Two minutes to 12:00, Harvey.

Wow.

- Mr. Miller. - Yes, Mr. Baxter?

Take lunch one hour later today.

Oh, but, Skin... But, Mr. Baxter, I got tickets to see...

No buts, Miller. Your lunch is at 1:00.

- Lisa... - Harvey, did Mr. Baxter speak to you?

- Yeah, come on, we're going to lunch. - Oh, but, Harvey, we can't. Mr. Baxter...

I don't care what Mr. Baxter said, Lisa.

We've got tickets to see Ben Hogan play,

and we're gonna see him play. Now, come on.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Wendell Niles bringing you a play-by-play account

of the San Francisco Open. It's a beautiful California day

and everybody's having a wonderful time.

Ben Hogan is stepping up to the ball now.

There's the back swing.

The ball is in the air and it's beautiful! It's underneath that...

It's funny, Lisa. Crowds don't seem to bother Mr. Hogan.

I don't want to be a killjoy, Harvey, darling,

but I'm worried about our jobs at the store.

You know how Mr. Baxter is about employees

taking too much time for lunch.

Harvey, I'm worried about Mr. Baxter.

Why, has he shot yet?

Mr. Baxter, our boss, who could fire you

just like all the other Mr. Baxters in your life.

And then we'll never be able to get married.

Oh, don't worry about money, Lisa.

I bet a whole two weeks' salary on Mr. Hogan.

Harvey, you didn't!

... right through that clump of trees or under a low-hanging bow.

What a tough break for Ben.

How about us? Two weeks' salary.

Harvey, what are we gonna do?

Come with me, Lisa.

Give me a nine-iron, please.