Kung Fu Panda: Secrets of the Masters

- Keep it down. - Hurry, we're running out of time.

- Whose hand is that? - - I don't even have hands.

Quiet! You'll compromise the mission.

But, seriously, do I look like I have hands?

Go, go, go!

- Ha! - Silent. Like you're invisible.

Not even the slightest... Whoa! Whoa, whoa!

Quick! Into the shadows.

- Aha! - Yah!

- Ha! - What?

The new Masters' Council exhibit!

Take it in. Breathe it in.

Ah, the smell of masters.

Po, you said this was an emergency.

It was an emergency.

If we would've waited until tomorrow,

the lines would've been around the block!

Come on!

This is the greatest collection of kung fu memorabilia ever.

So just to clear a few things up here,

we're not under attack?

- Not yet. - Look!

The sword Master Ox used to defeat the Macau Marauders.

Wow. I had no idea it was so shiny.

Put that back.

Whoa! And the staff Master Rhino used

to liberate the village of Wen Shen.

Hi-yah! Ha! Ha!

I had no idea it was so staffy.

Staffy?

No way. And the cape Master Croc used for... for...

Well, I don't know what he used it for, but let me tell you something...

...it made him look really cool.

Good night, Po.

Come on! How can you even think of going back to sleep

when we're this close to so much...

The sarcophagus of Su Wu.

- Su what? - Wu.

- Who? - Su Wu.

- Who's Su? - No clue.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You haven't heard

of the Wu sisters?

They were the most feared and notorious villains

who ever terrorized China.

Oh, but they did one good thing...

They brought Masters Ox, Croc, and Rhino together

for the very first time.

It all started long ago in the city of Jinzhou.

You see, not everyone practiced kung fu for justice and honor.

Give me your money!

Good fight, boys! Glad to see you still have some teeth left, Stanley.

Next fight on today's program is the heavyweights!

Which of you hulking punching bags wants in?

Out of my way! Off my tail!

The Croc is in!

You can't hide from my impenetrable hide.

The Ox is in.

My uniqueness is to analyze your weakness. Ha!

Mm-hm, mm-hm. Bingo.

Ow! My bad ear! He got my bad ear!

All right!

Let's get this slaughter started!

- Not just yet. - Boys, we got ourselves

- a three-way-battle blowout. - My name is Rhino.

My source, of course, is my unstoppable force.

Who cares who wins?

Those three are a disgrace to kung fu.

I fear they will all lose,

until they find a battle worth fighting.

Yeah, I hear that all the time.

Did you wanna see the dessert menu?

OK, fellas, you know the rules:

There ain't any!

Hey, look at this.

What the palace guards didn't know was

that two of the Wu sisters had already escaped their prisons

and were planning a little family reunion.

Guards!

Attack!

The Wu sisters.

Meow.

What was that?

A battle worth fighting.

Here's your cut for that impressive three-way tie.

What? No, a tie? I won that fight, fair and square.

- Ha! - You must be a comedian

because that sounded like a joke to me.

Yeah, well, laugh it up,

'cause the real joke is your kung fu.

Everyone knows your daddy is a famous kung fu master,

but that does not make you a winner.

Ah, I see the fight continues.

A fan! Let me sign that for you.

What's your name, little boy?

- My name is Oogway. - Master Oogway.

Yoo-gway?

Is that with two "oos"?

Wait a minute. This looks nothing like me.

The Wu sisters? They once took on the entire jackal nation,

armed with nothing more than a pair of chopsticks.

Together, they're more powerful

than any kung fu master.

I thought they were locked up.

They were... until mere moments ago.

But now, they are free.

And, I assure you, they'll be seeking revenge.

You three must stop them.

You're not talking about us, right?

The Wu sisters are headed to their fortress

inside the Hubei volcano.

Scary, isn't it?

I believe that your unstoppable force,

impenetrable hide and tactical brilliance

are precisely what we need to capture them.

You know, this all sounds really fun,

but what's in it for me?

Yeah. Why should we help you?

Uh... Because you'd be protecting the innocent

from certain villainy.

And?

And, uh...

...using your skills for a noble purpose.

I can't help but feel something is still missing.

Because upon completing the mission,

you'll discover the path to a wealth of riches.

Rhino!

I'm proud of you, my son.

I'm in!

There's no place like fortress.

Now back to business.

Tell us, dear sister.

What diabolical plan have you concocted?

Yes, what is our next move?

Hmm...

While I was locked away, I had a revelation.

If all of China's gangs stopped fighting and joined forces,

we could run this country.

And even the Imperial Army would be unable to stop us.

A criminal syndicate.

Precisely.

We will send a message to the heads of all the evil clans.

I am calling a meeting at Wu Fortress in two days.

The topic of discussion will be the joining of villainous forces

for total control of China,

once and for all!

So the three went off with Oogway

to find the riches they were after.

They boldly passed through Fire Lake...

...mightily traipsed through the Forest of Pain...

...stopped for a picnic lunch

at the Jagged Cliffs of Death...

...plowed through the Fields of Cherry Blossoms...

...which would've been a much better place for lunch...

...and bounded across the Bamboo Forest,

each fighter only out for himself.

My friend, I have a proposition.

- Is that so? - Whoa! I propose...

We don't need these guys. Hold that thought.

- Hello. - Hello.

We don't need those two. I say we dump the baggage.

Hey, I can see my swamp from here.

I'll give you a tenth of the take. It's generous, I know.

Ox offered a third.

- I'm back. - I'll give ya half! Whoa!

- I'm going again. - OK, let us cut to the chase.

- I could take care... - ...of the Wu sisters...

- ...all by... - ...myself!

Hmm.

And then Croc will buy a castle with a rooftop balcony

where I can wave to my adoring fans,

wearing all my capes. Oof!

It's so nice to see

you've managed to take the most respected art form in China

and use it to pursue nothing but fame.