Brace for Impact

Pick an airline.

American Airlines.

In 20 years,

they've flown 16 million flights.

16 million.

So, in your head, that equals how many crashes?

About 2,000.

Lower.

300.

Way lower.

Seven, eight?

I thought you'd know, Sofia.

Would you believe five?

Five crashes.

That's 0.00003%.

You have a greater chance of dying

from the food on the plane.

- Now all I'll be able to think about is those five.

Exactly!

- And that's the trick, isn't it?

We have all these safety checks in place.

- They just remind me of what can go wrong,

what someone could do.

- We're gonna take everything we talked about

and put them into practice next week on F-day,

and we'll face the reality together.

And remember that reality tells us

that every single one of us in this room

could fly non-stop our entire lives,

and the odds still say

nothing, absolutely nothing

would happen to any of us.

Flying from birth to a ripe, old age

without a hitch.

See you on F-day!

- Easier said than done. - Coffee's in the corner!

Good luck tomorrow, Sofia.

- Oh, I wish I was going with you guys.

You'll be fine.

Thanks!

Hey! Hi!

Come here.

How are you? Seriously?

- You're super early. - F-day?

This class should be on the top of the list

of things to avoid before you fly.

Ah, it helps.

- Everyone is afraid of flying, Sis.

Trick is not to obsess about it.

- Are those your bags for tomorrow?

What? I know you.

I am not letting you out of my sight.

You're ridiculous!

- I am gonna stick to you like glue

no matter how bad you hurt me.

- I gotta shower when I get home.

- Does your bathroom have a window to the outside?

Yes.

- Then I'm gonna be sitting there. - Eww!

- You're not bailing on this trip.

It's 4 days of museums!

How could you possibly need 3 bags?

- And I suppose you're gonna wear your Smithsonian outfit

to the National Gallery of Art?

- I don't have a gallery outfit.

- And you wonder why I get more guys than you.

Are you trying to sweat so much so they won't frisk you?

...now departing through Gate 4.

OK, thank you.

Thank you.

OK.

Look, you can tease me and boss me tomorrow on your birthday,

but the other 3 days, it's both our vacation.

You don't have a job,

so every day is a vacation for you.

I'm going back eventually.

Is that the kind of behaviour

that got you your little attitude adjustment?

That's just a work thing.

You're lucky you've never seen it.

- Let's do this, Chicken Little.

Ah, ah! Don't even.

If you have to pee, you pee on the plane.

- This is a general boarding call...

- Yeah. You'd make a great drill sergeant.

- I would look hot in the uniform.

But I'd probably get in trouble

for all the squats I'd make them do.

Now boarding passengers with small children,

and those in need of assistance.

Now, let me see you strut!

Come on! I'm bringing you to my premiere.

You're my beard.

Premiere!

They'll call out:

"Shane, who's that gorgeous woman with you?"

And I'll be like: "Who, this old thing?"

What? Don't you dare!

- "Just a little something I picked out of the trash."

Here, let me hold that for you.

- All right, ma'am. - Turn it on its side.

OK, so, the game is this:

You, you tell me when

to stop leafing through this garbage-y magazine.

Stop!

- You have to pick one person from here to sleep with.

They're all women.

That's not my problem!

You have to or the human race will end.

- They're women. We can't have babies.

I mean...

Play the game.

- I know what you're trying to do.

- Not even Miley Kunis? I'd go straight for some Kunis.

21D is just further up there on the right.

OK, OK.

One-on-one sex with Ryan Gosling

or an orgy made up of...

Look at me.

Shhh!

Well, your brother,

who you're always way too busy to see,

is sitting right next to you.

I can't help it!

- Is this a bad time, then, to tell you that you're adopted?

- No. What? - Yeah.

Remember the really ugly postman who taught me how to spit?

Breathe!

- I need to get off. - We're closing the doors.

- I need to get off now! - Please sit down.

We're gonna be OK.

- Let me off before they close the door!

We have a temporary halt.

- Come on, let's go! You gotta get off the plane.

- No! Enjoy your pain-in-the-ass drive to Washington, nutjob!

I'll be drunk before you're there. - I'm sorry!

- You have reached the irritatingly chipper voicemail

of Shane Gilchrist.

Do me!

- Hey, call me and rub it in when you get there.

I'm hating this drive.

Did you already empty the minibar?

Oh, thank God you answered!

- Kretchen? No way! I'm taking off for 4 days.

- No, no, no! It's OK. I just wanted to know--

- You're the one that put me on forced leave.

Why are you calling?

- I saw your name on the manifest.

Of?

Your plane went down, Sofia.

Are there survivors?

I'm afraid not.

Are you kidding me?

My first case, and it was gonna be a big one.

I'm sorry.

- Screw it! Do your thing.

Commuter flight.

Eight times a day.

Yeah, wave me over when you need me.

Sof! Sofia!

This was your plane?

Your brother was on it?

You knew.

You knew. - They're just pieces...

- We gotta get you out of here. - Don't! No!

- You can't be here. - This can't be happening.

- We need to get you away. How could you let her?

- I didn't know! - I'm not going.

I need to run this investigation.

- You can't! You know that!

- We don't need to tell anyone.

- Look, we'll take care of it.

- It has to be me! There's too little here!

It'll be done perfectly.

- You need my eyes on this. You know you do!

- Come on, now. Let's go.

- You don't know how to handle something like this!

Neither of you! - Clear the site!

Hands off me!

- Is that your answer to everything?

- I've done every major crash we've had! Me! Every time!

We're trying to help you!

- Every time you've tried to keep me from chasing--

No! I keep you on track.

You're on forced leave for a reason.

- 'Cause I care about what we do!

You get in my way! You pull me back!

- This department does not have an infinite budget.

We can't chase down every wild idea you have. - I get results.

- I stopped you from chasing someone down in Malaysia!

- That was a good lead! - It was one in a million!

We don't have the money or the time,

especially when there are solutions

staring you in the face!

The public and the government, the families,

they need an answer!

You, you get paranoid!

You suspect everyone, including us!

- I'm already being punished for that, so...

- You would turn this into a decade-long investigation