The Odd Couple

Well, this is an all-time low.

I can't believe we lost to a public radio cooking show.

Hey, don't look at me.

What are you talking about?

You struck out four times

and didn't catch a single ball.

That's why I don't want you looking at me.

Murph, I'm most disappointed in you.

Why me? I-I got five home runs

and that cute shortstop's phone number.

I know. Didn't you hear me call dibs?

Oh, I thought you said "ribs."

Ooh, we should get ribs.

Oh, you know what, I can't.

I got a date with that cute shortstop.

Great news.

Mrs. Johnson-Peña has abdicated

her position in the BTA.

Who's Mrs. Johnson-Peña?

The elderly woman who lives on nine.

Right. And what's the BTA?

The Building Tenants Association.

Understood. And...?

Abdicate means to resign.

Mrs. Johnson-Peña's departure leaves a vacancy,

a vacancy that I plan to fill

after I win the election and become...

dramatic pause...

the new president of the BTA!

Do you get paid?

Only in the satisfaction

of helping others in the joy of seeing my portrait

hanging on the Wall of Presidents.

So no.

Although the position does come

with a free parking space

big enough to hold my recumbent bicycle.

But not enough for two of them,

so I guess you shouldn't buy me one.

Ugh, bummersville.

I can't believe this is happening.

I could actually be the next president

of the Royal Arms.

Won't you all help me commemorate this moment

by singing our building's anthem?

Our building has an anthem?

You know, what am I doing? This is crazy.

I should be accompanying myself on the cello.

We've got five seconds.

Go, go, go!

Where was this hustle on the field?

We were never this motivated.

Yes, Mrs. Blaustein, just calling to make sure

I've got your support for the BTA.

Yes, that thing that Frannie did.

Yes, splendid.

I won't let you down.

I've got Mrs. Blaustein.

Mmm.

That means you got Mr. Blaustein too.

She rides that man like a show pony.

Excellent.

Emily, how is it coming with the slogans?

Okay, I have narrowed it down to...

"Peace, Love and Unger-standing."

Word play, love it.

"Felix Se puede."

For the Ecuadorian family in 6-F.

Me gusta.

And "Surr-Unger to Unger."

I feel like it's slipping away from us. Keep at it.

Bad news, Felix, someone defaced your lobby cutout.

They drew a graffito on my face.

That is the singular for graffiti.

And that's why I did it.

Oscar!

Felix, why are you campaigning?

You're running unopposed.

Because I need the unwavering support of the entire building

if I'm going to enact my plans.

Oh, Felix, tell him about your idea for the laundry room.

Oh, yes. I would like to designate

separate machines for whites and colors.

Now, Dani tells me that I need to present this idea carefully.

I think what I said was, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

I also want to start a weekly coffee social

so that we can build up a stronger sense of community.

I don't know anyone in the building,

but I know they would hate that.

Right now, the only contact I have

with some people in the building is smelling

their cigarette smoke on the balcony.

A disgusting habit.

Which will be the first thing I outlaw.

Wait.

I smoke my cigars on the balcony.

That's right.

I couldn't get you to stop as roommate,

but as president, I'll have the power.

Felix, people don't want to hear from the board.

They just want to be left alone.

That's what I would do if I were president.

What?

I'm just having a hard time

picturing you as president.

You don't think I could get elected,

or you don't think I could do the job?

Yes.

People would vote for me.

Dani?

I don't live here.

You earn your paycheck here.

Oscar for president.

Emily, what do you think?

Well, let's just say that I have a...

"Hunger for Unger."

Okay, you did good. Thanks.

You know what, the people in this building

would be lucky to have someone like me

just to save them from you.

Well, I guess we'll never know.

Or will we?

Oscar, you can't be serious.

On behalf of balcony smokers

and people who don't give a crap,

I hereby enter the race for president of the...

What is it again?

BTA.

Yeah, that. I'm gonna be president of that.

Good morning, fellow tenants.

Whoa.

I thought you were the cutout.

Take one of my flyers.

It details the 14-point plan I will enact

when you elect me as your leader.

I liked the cutout better.

Yeah, I miss the mustache.

Hi. You want a doughnut?

I'm Oscar Madison,

and I'm running for president of the BLT.

But you've got your hands full.

So here we go, and here we go.

Wow, you really think this strategy will work, huh?

You think people can be swayed by free doughnuts?

No, they want to know where you stand on the "iss-ues."

People don't care about the "iss-ues."

They want to be left alone.

Yeah, amen to that.

Jelly-filled.

You got my vote.

Red alert.

We've lost the Blausteins.

Oh no.

The Blausteins were our gateway to the...

Friedmans.

And they vacation with the Donovans.

We're losing the entire 11th floor.

And as I always say, "As goes the 11th floor..."

"So goes the building."

I can't believe I'm actually saying this,

but Oscar now actually has a path to victory.

Okay, Felix, you are overreacting.

You're clearly the better candidate.

Yes, I know that, but try telling that to the Bilgors.

We lost the Bilgors?

I may have corrected Ted on his grammar

while explaining my trash-chute initiative.

Oh no, Felix.

"Lay" and "lie."

Know the difference.

Know the difference!

I can't believe that people can't see

what a terrible president Oscar would be.

I swear, if he wins, I am moving uptown to The Canada House.

Well, if you think he would be that bad,

why don't you make that part of your message?

Oh, you mean go negative.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Could probably find some dirt on him.

He's literally covered in it.

But n-n-no, no, despite our differences,

Oscar is my best friend.

I want to win, but not that way.

You are a good man, Felix Unger.

And you're gonna make an amazing president.

And you are going to make a great First Lady.

Once we lock down a more appropriate campaign hairstyle.

You don't like my hair?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I do not.

I think the building's fine the way it is,

but my opponent wants to get in your face and change everything.

That little guy?

He's been here three times.

He always gives me something to read.

I hate reading.

I get it. You don't want problems when you come home.

You already got your wife yelling at you.

She's always on me.