The Diary of a Teenage Girl

...::::ilyass derdabi::::...

The Diary Of A Teenage Girl

I had sex today.

Holy shit.

My name is Minnie Goetze.

I'm a 15-year-old living in San Francisco, California,

recording this onto a cassette tape

because my life has gotten really crazy of late,

and I need to tell someone about it.

If you're listening to this without my permission, please stop now.

Just stop. Okay?

So...

I don't remember being born.

I was a very ugly child.

My appearance has not improved,

so I suppose it was a lucky break when he was attracted by my youthfulness.

Hey, Domino, you stupid cat, I love you.

Hey, Domino, do I look different than I did yesterday?

In all matter of factuality, it happened like this...

I was wearing a ratty old nightgown,

which is embarrassing when I think about it,

but I'm not gonna change that detail 'cause it's the truth.

My mother was married for a long time to my stepdad Pascal.

He's a science-y guy. A PhD.

He has a lot of ideas about how the world works.

Doesn't think women should drink or smoke.

Mom! You're so gross. I can't even watch TV without you...

Maybe that's why she isn't married to him anymore.

Wait.

She's looser now.

-You really... -Cocaine.

What's his last name?

I thought you were gonna...

Monroe is her boyfriend, but they aren't possessive.

I'm going to bed. I'm tired.

I'm crashing, you guys.

All right. Good night.

-Good night. -Good night.

I know it seems weird, but I had this strangely calming feeling

that even if he meant to touch my tit,

it's probably all right, because he's a good guy,

and he knows how it goes and I don't.

But I wonder if my breast felt small.

Monroe. Pitter-pat.

You touched my tit. How was that?

Can I just say

touching your breasts was...

I can't even say it.

They're really great, Minnie.

Fantastic breasts. Just perfect.

Weirdo.

It feels so good to imagine that he might be thinking about me.

Not that I love him or anything.

I'm not stupid.

-You about ready, steady? -No, I don't think I wanna go.

I'm already in my skivvies.

It's two-for-one Tuesdays.

We're gonna watch Little House on the Prairie.

-Yeah. -No, no, no, come on. You promised.

I know. I'm sorry, baby.

-Just for a couple of drinks. -No.

I need to get out.

I will make it up to you, I promise. I'm sorry.

Come on.

Why don't you take Minnie?

What?

-Yeah. -No.

Minnie will go. Won't you, Min?

-She doesn't want to go. -Yeah, I do. Where?

See? Told ya.

Worthless.

It was good.

It was not good. This is good.

Man. I got it.

I got it.

Shut up. Shut up.

Gosh, you're such a lightweight.

No.

-That doesn't hurt? -What are you trying to do?

You're not even biting me.

I'm gonna bite you so fucking hard.

Are you even biting down? I'm not feeling it.

-You're drunk. -No, I'm not drunk.

I'm just really strong, and my fists are made of steel, that's why.

I feel nothing. Nothing.

You're not even biting.

You're far away.

You just gave me a hard-on.

I did?

Yeah, I'm hard.

You don't believe me?

It's hard.

See?

It didn't feel too hard to me. It was still skin.

I want you to fuck me.

All right. You're shit-faced, Minnie.

Come on.

I can't believe you said you want me to fuck you.

Do you really want me to fuck you?

None of your fucking business.

You really do want me to fuck you, don't you?

You really fucking want me to fucking fuck you.

I didn't know if I wanted him or anyone else to fuck me,

but I was afraid to pass up the chance 'cause I may never get another.

The inside of his mouth was all smooth.

I tried giving him a blow job in the car.

He said he wants to fuck me, but we can't tonight.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Is this what it feels like for someone to love you?

Somebody wants me.

Somebody wants to have sex with me.

Hey-

You gonna get in trouble for skipping school?

No.

-You feel like sandwiches? -Yeah.

What?

I didn't know you were a virgin.

You look good.

Will you take my picture?

Why?

Please. I just wanna see.

No, no, no. Are you crazy?

You better not show that to anyone.

Can't even see where I am.

Ms. Hearst is still being examined by Dr. William Sargent, a brainwash expert

flown in from London at her parents' expense.

Findings had no bearing...

Minnie, Minnie, come watch with us.

Yeah, it's history in the making.

...by a bank camera taking part in an armed robbery...

She's not mentally ill. Fuck this guy.

Just because she left her bourgeois family to start over.

I know how you feel, Patty.

What kind of person falls in love with the people who kidnap them?

...move her trial date back.

But when her trial does begin in January, there's a good possibility

Dr. Sargent will then be called...

Is that what you wore today?

Mom.

I'm just saying it wouldn't kill you to show off your waist a little bit.

Geez.

I had sex today. Holy shit.

That was about an hour ago,

and now I can't believe I've actually said it out loud.

I think this makes me officially an adult.

Right?

All right, tell me.

I can't tell you, you have to guess.

You fucked somebody.

What? How did you know?

I'm so happy. Who was it?

Guess. Gretel is listening.

I am not. You're so full of yourself.

Wait. Was it that guy that works at the liquor store, the cute one?

No.

Was it someone I know?

Yes.

Wait a minute. It's not Monroe, is it?

My God, Minnie, that is so sick.

Don't you think he's kind of cute?

No, I do not think he's cute. He's so old.

Minnie, he sleeps with your mom.

Only 'cause he has to, otherwise she'll suspect something.

I don't know, Minnie.

Don't you kind of feel like he's taking advantage of you or something?

I mean, you're so much younger than him.

Minnie?

I'm gonna kill you!

Minnie, don't!

Quit spying on me!

What were you talking about?

Hey-

Hey-

-ls your mom home? -No.

Why? Did you come to see her?

No. I came to see you, silly.

You got a pretty good arm.

Wanna box?

-Yeah. -Well...

Really? Come on then.

What were you doing before I got here?

-Nothing. -Were you thinking about me?

-No. -No?

-Min, I think you were. -Hello!

Hey. There you are.

Let me get those.

Thank you. Hey, you look cute.

-Hey. -Hi.

What's the point of living if nobody loves you?

Nobody sees you.

Nobody touches you.

I wish I were older than I am.

I'm so alone.

It feels like there are little weights hanging from my heart

that swing and tug every time I move,

every time the wind blows.

I want someone to be so totally in love with me

that they would feel like they would die if I were gone.

Maybe Monroe could love me like that.