30 Rock

Do you know what this means?

No. I need a "previously on."

Previously on 30 Rock...

It all comes down to Florida.

And they will do whatever I say.

Jenna and her 2 million Twitter followers

might decide the election.

And if we figured this out,

that means Jack figured it out 10 minutes ago.

Go! Now! Before I lose interest!

- Going somewhere, Lemon? - Nothing!

Damn it!

Liz, there you are.

I need you to marry me so I don't get sent back to Canada.

Really? Now you have a thing?

Don't know why I was so worried

about bringing my marble collection to work.

Butterfingers!

Why do we have that?

Both: Jenna, we have to talk. - Me first,

because I'm your best friend and this is very important.

You know what? Talk to Lemon.

I'll find someone else for my thing you're not right for.

What thing? I was born for it.

Am I not blonde enough?

Because I'll put my head in a microwave.

Jenna, stop. It's a trick.

He just needs you, because you're gonna decide

the presidential election.

It's all about northern Florida, and they love you down there.

Tell me about it.

Jacksonville's naming their new airport...

Sized strip club after me.

No bottoms.

Just one tweet from you to your fans, and Romney wins.

It'll be historic.

The first really, really rich president.

No, don't listen to him.

What America needs is four more years

of the stuff Obama's been doing.

Like, um...

Uh, the one with the guy.

It was at night, and I feel like he was standing next to a fence.

This country needs Mitt Romney.

Like it needs a hole in the head.

A head has five holes, and they are all needed.

Okay, you two can talk about America all you want,

but I'm not gonna listen,

because there's no "I" or "me" in America.

There's both.

I mean, if I'm gonna get political,

it's gonna be to build a better country for Jenna Maroney.

Jenna, this is a really big deal.

I agree.

It's an opportunity to finally

put a pro-Jenna president in the White House.

Someone who respects the human fetus

and recognizes its value as a hair volumizer.

You have 24 hours, then we'll all meet back here,

and you present your cases.

Maybe I'll ask questions.

Maybe you two can take turns arguing.

Like debate?

Like debarge? I love debarge!

No, Jenna, I said...

I love debarge too, Jenna.

Point Jack. Looks like you have some work to do, Liz.

30 Rock S07 Ep05 - There's no I in America

Mr. Jordan, it's here.

- It's finally here! - What is?

My absentee ballot from Stone Mountain.

Until this year, I wasn't allowed to vote

because Reverend Gary said choosing is a sin,

but then Reverend Todd said, "Reverend Gary is dead.

Long live Reverend Todd," so here we are!

Good for you, K-Rock.

Voting is a great American tradition

like laziness, or, uh...

Eh... I'm so excited!

I mean, the Parcells have been in this country

since we went berserk and murdered everybody at Roanoke,

but I never felt like a true American until today.

Like how you must've felt four years ago

when you finally got to vote for a president who looks like you.

Black Shrek ran for president?

No, sir. Obama.

I forgot about that half-nerd.

Probably because I get all my news

from social media, and I've been banned from all social media.

You have? Why?

Someone has to be the first person

to make a joke after a celebrity dies.

I guess I was a little "too soon" with Andy Griffith.

What did you say?

I can't un-hear it. I can't un-hear it!

Happy Election Eve! Obama 2012.

The first African-American president

ever to be up for reelection. Whoo! Historical.

Dude, that's not happening this year.

- No one's that excited. - Then get excited.

Remember how fun it was in 2008?

Come on, we'll have a party, watch the returns,

maybe invite the security guards.

Oh, my God. Is this about Maria?

Barack Obama is elected to be the next president

of the United States of America.

America!

That whole night was a one-time thing, Pete.

No one's gonna get that psyched a second time.

Why not? It's like when you do karaoke and everyone's like,

"that was a really good American pie, Pete.

You knew all the words,"

and then you put it on again

and everyone leaves because no one can top it.

That's what this is gonna be like.

Four more years!

Four more years! That's the spirit!

Four more years!

Okay, Jack.

I was hoping that we could get through this "campaign"

without going negative.

I agree.

You're the one using negative words

like "without" and "negative."

Uhhuh.

So, what was that attack ad that I saw on the TGS feed?

Liz Lemon says she's Jenna Maroney's friend,

but let's look at the facts.

In 2011, Liz said...

The same polyps Jenna had prayed for.

And what does Liz say when she's behind closed doors?

Really, Liz?

Liz Lemon...

Research indicates that that ad is polling

quite well with both manic and depressive Jenna.

You know Jenna's a liberal, Jack.

She's a slut monster,

and one of gay America's top hags.

But this is what you do.

You trick people into voting against their own interests,

and then you sell them out at the drop of a hat.

First of all, I have never dropped a hat in my life.

And don't be so sure about Jenna's politics.

She's aging, mean, and rich. That sounds republican to me.

Jenna is overly sensitive, prone to hysteria,

and having been shot and left for dead

in three different deserts, pro gun control.

She is one of us.

Unbelievable.

Seven years I've been mentoring you,

and I haven't been able to move you an inch.

Good God, Lemon.

Enough with the histrionics.

Herstrionics.

Since you've known me, I've been right about no less

than everything always, yet you persist

in this impotent emotional weltanschauung.

And it's not just politics.

For instance, I bet you bought those hideous shoes

for some emotional reason.

For every pair you buy, they give a pair to a child

that was forced to work in the factory that makes these shoes.

It's not great, but you know what?

I'm the one who's in a stable relationship, Jack.

I like my job,

and I am one punch away from getting

a free deviled egg at that cool new deviled egg place.

So maybe you should let me rub off on you.

You wish, you pervert.

Let me leave you with this, Jack.

You may have your dirty tricks,

but don't ever underestimate me when it comes to...

[Phone plays the Trashmen's Surfin' bird]

It's my gynecologist.

Doctor, thank you for calling me back.

Did anyone leave a bag of Burger King in your office?

Local ballot initiatives.

Proposition one

empowers the Mayor of Stone Mountain to perform

necessary repairs on the town's historic clock tower.

Oh, that old clock tower.

Nobody knows what it's counting down to.

Well, I want to vote yes,

but how do I know that's the right thing to do?

Well, what do the pro/con statements say?

Okay, writing in favor is Mayor Debbie herself.

Hey! I'm gonna take the clock apart myself

then put it back together.

I wanna see how it works.

My friend jojo did it with a toaster, and it's still good.

Lemme do it!

She makes some good points.

But the con is written

by the hermit what lives in the clock tower.

Ain't nobody touch my clock.

It's my wife, and it's where I do my sniperin'.

Now I don't know what to think.

Voting is a big responsibility.

To this day, I have to live with the fact

that I cast the deciding vote