Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult

Hey, look! It's the President!

And the Pope!

Yee-aah! Yah!

Ooh-la-la-la-la-la!

Ow!

Waah! Waah! Waah!

Oh, my God!

Look! It's disgruntled postal workers!

Wait a minute! Give me my baby back!

Aah! Aah!

Frank!

Frank, are you all right?

I'm soaking wet.

I'll get the talcum powder.

No. It's not that. I had a nightmare.

There was crime all around me.

I couldn't stop it.

Oh, Frank, It was just a dream.

You're right.

All I need is a good night's rest.

In the morning, everything will be just fine.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Whoa!

Show me what you got!

Ow!

Oh! Oh!

Aah! Aah!

Ah-ha ha ha ha ha!

How's my little boy?

Getting along okay, sweetie?

About as well as a heterosexual can in prison.

I don't know how much longer I can take it in here.

Ma, how's Tanya?

Tanya's the same.

Milky, creamy skin,

pouting red lips, firm buttocks,

ample breasts,

ears you'd love to stick your tongue into.

Ma, please! I'll get guy cramps if you keep this up.

Sorry.

Rocco, there's somebody here to see you.

Papshmir.

My people are very upset.

They're always upset.

They're Arab terrorists.

Ma, please.

You're supposed to be

the foremost terrorist bomber in the world--

train stations, department stores, government buildings.

The devastation in South Florida?

That was hurricane Andrew.

That's what they told the public.

No matter.

We wanted to embarrass the United States,

and now you've made the police

look like international heroes.

I told ya, A first-class job

costs $5 million.

If you want to step up to the price,

I got a target that'll make city hall look like chicken feed.

That's a pretty big target,

but why should I think anything

would be different?

'Cause $5 million buys me.

I'm breaking out of here.

All right,

but fail this time, Mr. Dillon,

and my people won't be so forgiving.

Fail?

Show me one man who can stop me.

Attention, shoppers.

Be sure to check out our paper towel special on aisle 7.

That's aisle 7.

Aah!

Hey!

Help!

Give it to me!

My purse! Somebody help me!

My purse!

Stop fighting me!

Hear! Hear!

Well...

We shot a lot of people together.

It's been great.

But today I retire,

so if I do any shooting now,

it'll have to be within the confines of my own home.

Hopefully, it will be an intruder

and not an in-law like at my bachelor party.

Well, Ed,

I officially give you my gun...

Oh...

and my-- My badge...

Oh.

Oh, I...

and, uh...

Jane and I would like to keep the handcuffs

as a souvenir.

Oh...

Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye.

It's just "I won't ever see you again."

Oh, Frank.

My purse!

Somebody help me! Out of my way!

Lieutenant Drebin!

Frank!

Didn't you see that? What?

Oh, yes. Kitty litter.

Two bags for $1.00. Great.

Order in this court.

The jury will disregard that last statement.

You may continue, counselor.

Alimony had been set by the court, right, Mr. Clayton?

Yes, but...

But not once have you paid alimony

to my client, in the past two years.

repeatedly defying a court order.

Isn't that right, Mr. Clayton?

I lost her address.

She moved twice. I couldn't keep up.

Don't lie to me, Mr. Clayton.

You're under oath.

Do you know the penalty for perjury is?

I'll ask that again.

Objection!

Your honor, I--

ow, ow. Jeez.

Counsel is leading the witness.

Sustained.

Sweetie, mommy said no pounding when she's in session.

Please read the prosecution's last statement to the court.

"Don't lie to me, Mr. Clayton. You're under oath."

There. That a boy.

"Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?"

That's all I have, your honor.

You may continue, Ms. Spencer-Drebin.

Uh... prosecution rests.

Defense attorney Ms. Davis-Jacobsteiner-Laszlo?

I have no further questions, your honor.

Court will recess until after the morning feed.

We're going to win this. I can feel it.

Yes. Of course.

I married the wrong man.

I never thought that was possible.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, nothing.

Louise, there's no such thing as the wrong man.

You just have to work at it.

Now, let's see,

Mr. and Mrs. Drebin, right?

Now, you two have been married

for six months?

Yes.

We really appreciate you seeing us, doctor.

You came highly recommended by our last therapist.

Yes, I was sorry to hear about his suicide.

You know, I feel it's important

for a couple to get off on the right foot

and not get caught up in blame.

Now, which one of you is impotent?

That would be him.

Yes, of course.

Why don't you ask who's frigid?

That would be him, also.

Oh.

How would you know? You're never home.

He resents that I'm a working woman.

He has no idea what a woman wants or needs.

You're so insensitive.

This isn't that toilet seat thing again, is it?

It's babies, Frank. I want to have a baby.

Every time we start to make love, you have a headache.

I'm not a piece of meat, Jane. I'm trying.

I've got ointments, lotions, creams, books,

things that vibrate.

Frank!

Maybe it's your fault.

Have you tried sexy lingerie?

Some lacy underwear, a black teddy?

I've tried wearing them all. They don't work.

Oh.

Why don't you want to have a child?

Didn't I try to adopt that 18-year-old Korean girl?

Jane, Frank,

here's what I suggest.

Make tonight a special night.

Dinner, wine, romantic music.

Put on the 24-hour Johnny Mathis Station.

Just be Jane and Frank,

lovers.

We haven't had a night like that

in a long time.

Not together.

Frank!

Jane...

having a baby is a big responsibility.

It's like being in charge of sanitation at a Haitian jail.

I'm just frightened.

Frank, let's make tonight something special.