Babylon

Okay. Manuel, right?

This for you.

It's 25 for the vehicle and 30 for the transport of the livestock.

Just put down "one horse" and your signature right there.

You said "one horse"?

Yeah, it's only one, right?

No, it's an elephant.

You mean "really big horse"?

No. I mean an elephant.

Look, sir...

...the call said "one--"

What the fuck is that?

- Holy shit! Is that a fucking elephant? - Señor, señor, señor.

Probablemente it was some kind of bad communication.

Bad communication? This is a truck for fucking horses, man!

- What do I look like, a goddamn maharaja? - All right.

And you're invited to a party.

More gas!

Come on. Come on!

Give me--

Fuck! Fuck!

What the fuck are you doing???

Goddamn it!

Motherfucker!

- Good evening, Officer. - What exactly is going on here?

Um, well, we're-- I work for Don Wallach,

and we're transporting the entertainment for a party at his house.

That's an elephant.

- Yes, sir. - You got a permit?

Um, I didn't know we needed one.

Can't drive an elephant without a permit.

Could you make an exception?

How's the guest list looking for tonight?

It's impressive.

What kind of stars are we talking about?

- Someone said Garbo, I think. - Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I mean, that's what I heard.

So, we're talking an elephant, plus Garbo,

plus others tonight at Don Wallach's house, is that right?

- That's right. - Sounds like the best party in town.

My cousin Benny lives in Reseda with his wife and kids. I'll see if they're free.

Who the fuck are all these people?

Don't ask.

Does Piggy like that?

It tickles.

Playtime with potty time!

José! José!

Can you ask Wallach to give us more King Bubbly, por favor?

Okay.

Would you mind showing me to the upstairs powder room, my dear boy?

Sure. Uh, it's here down the hall.

No! No, no, upstairs.

- The stairs are very steep, I think. - I can be carried.

Evening, Madame. Lovely to see you. I have to steal him, I'm afraid.

- What did you say to Elinor? - Who?

Elinor St. John. Never speak to her.

If she ever talks to you again, pretend like you don't understand English.

The chicken stole my fucking coke! Go fucking get it! Get it!

Give it to me!

So, upstairs is where Don keeps his underage girls, then?

I don't speak English!

Well, that came out of fucking nowhere.

- You'll have to pay for that, ma'am. - Oh. Okay.

- Uh, who are you? - I'm security.

You're kind of shitty at your job.

You have statues coming out of nowhere, everywhere you fucking turn.

You're very lucky I don't report you.

- Where do you think you're going, ma'am? - I'm going inside.

I'm Nellie LaRoy, dummy.

There's no "Nellie LaRoy" on the list.

Okay, well, I think-- Come here.

I think what's happened is my assistant has put me under my stage name,

- Billie Dove. - You're not Billie Dove.

Okay, what the fuck is your prob-- What is your name?

- What is your precinct? - I'm a security guard.

- We don't have precincts, ma'am. - You're about to not have a job, fucko!

Listen, I know you wish you were Billie Dove--

- I think you wish you were eating my asshole! - Nellie LaRoy?

They're waiting for you.

I'm Manuel.

I'm Manuel.

I heard ya.

Oh, I didn't need your help.

- Oh, no? - Nope.

- Billie Dove? - Why not?

She's kind of a big star.

Well, in 30 years she won't be a big star anymore

and she can tell her grandkids Nellie LaRoy once used her name.

Besides, I'm already a star.

- Ah, you are? - Yeah.

- What have you been in? - Nothing yet.

- Who's your contract with? - Don't have one.

Okay, I think you want to become a star.

Honey, you don't become a star. You either are one or you ain't.

I am.

Oh, great.

Do you know where I can find some drugs?

- We're supposed to just keep playing? - That's the idea.

It's gonna come through the front and just kind of stomp around.

- Are you serious? - Just stay out of its way.

You know I can't afford to get injured, Joe.

- Will you shut the fuck up? - What?

- You heard me, you whiny bitch. - Excuse me?

- Come on, you guys. - You see how he just talks to me?

I talk to you like this because every time we play in these,

you playing fucking flat.

If that elephant drop its elephant ass on your face,

maybe you'd be home long enough to fucking practice.

I practice nine hours a day, you fuck.

Yeah, yeah, but I mean on saxophone, not cocksucking.

I don't have fucking time for this!

Wake up, wake up, wake up!

What a goddamn mess.

We were just having fun!

- Tell it to Wallach. - Wake up, wake up.

- Where's the Mexican? - Wake up, wake up.

Morphine, opium, ether, heroin, coke.

And Louis XIV sat on that.

...pretend that everything's fine inside when all I feel is this void.

- And all I do is I give and I give! - Pedro!

And you, I don't even know, where are you? Where are you?

Stop speaking fucking Italian!

No. No, it's not.

I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you. Do you understand?

Our marriage is in trouble. I am unhappy!

Stop it! You are not fucking Italian!

You are from fucking Shawnee, you goddamn fraud!

Say one more word.

Say one more word in Italian, and I will divorce you.

- One more. - Okay. Okay.

Get the fuck out!

- Get the fuck out of the car! Go! - Ah! Hey!

Get out! Go!

I want a divorce.

- Morning, Dale. - Evening, Mr. Conrad.

Evening.

- Jack! Jack! - Oh, my God! J.C.!

- Natalie! - It's been forever!

- Yeah. - I've been saying it since Wally Reid.

- Who needs royalty anymore? - Madame.

- Dearest Jacky boy, we need to talk! - I have a good story for you.

- I have your face tattooed on my back. - Well, look at that.

Jack, for fuck's sake, I've been trying you all week.

Will you just fucking call me back?

Come here, you moola-minting money machine motherfucker!

- Jack, is it okay to grab one? - Hey, Charlie. How's the missus?

- I think she left me. - Hey, me too! Congrats!

Are you okay with March the 17th for the premiere?

No, 18th. Thursdays are always classier.

Hey, send Charlie a bottle of bourbon and get ahold of his negative

- and make sure I don't look too shiny. - Yes, Mr. Conrad.

No Mrs. Conrad tonight?

I'm sorry.

I think we have a problem.

- We do? - Yep.

This table only has one bottle, and we're gonna need eight.

We're also gonna need two gin rickeys,

an orange blossom with brandy, three French 75s.

Can you do a Corpse Reviver?

Gin, lemon, triple sec and Kina Lillet with a dash of absinthe.

- Two of those. - Two of those.

Okay. Two gin rickeys, uh, three French--

You didn't have to do that, you know, to get my attention.

I am so sorry, Mr. Conrad.

- I- - What's your name?

Jen. I just wanted you to look my way.

Jen, I'd always look your way.

Sir, George won't come out of the car.

He's insisting I drive him off the nearest cliff.

Right.

Be right back.

She said no, huh?

After all we've been through.

Well, to be fair, George, you did just meet her a week ago.

What we had was special, goddamn it.

I know, buddy, but you're not gonna kill yourself over it.

Save the ring and come on inside.

There's a girl asking after ya.

Yeah?

That's right.

There you go, buddy.

- Who's the girl? - A goddess.

No Paris for me.

- I'm good. - What?

You've never done cocaine?

Of course I've done cocaine.

- Well? - I do cocaine all the time. I just, uh...

Don't make me do it alone.

Okay, I'll do a little. Whatever.

I don't care.

I don't know, maybe Niagara Falls.

You know, "Roy," actually, in French, means "king."

And I added the "La," so it's "Nellie the King."

I made that up.

- What about you? Where would you go? - Sorry?

If you could go anywhere in the whole world, where would you go?

Uh, anywhere.

I don't know. Um...

I always wanted to go on a movie set.

- Yeah? - Yeah. A movie set.